Rules to Feeling Lonely

Chapter 2

I think most of us know these moments.

Moments where we're standing in a crowd, completely surrounded by others, but feel like nothing more than an observer. Whether by choice or not, it's like you're standing in a bubble and watch the scenes play out around you. Like a front row seat to a play.

People don't even realize how exhausting it feels to step out of that safety once you've come so accustomed to it.

"You should go for the red one", a light voice popped through. "It matches better with the shoes"

I blinked my eyes up from the ground, pushing my brain to stay alert. To stay focused.

"But what about the blue one though?"

A pause. "The blue one's pretty nice too"

A sigh, then a whine. "I just wish it was strapless like the red one"

My eyes switched between the two girls as their gazes stayed glued on their phone. Maybe I should be grateful though. At least their focus had shifted from begging me to come to this party to choosing dresses.

After the last bell had sounded, much to my surprise, the joyful ginger had come looking for me. She had actually come looking.

"There you are", she'd said, drawing a gasp from me as she linked our arms and continued further down the busy hallway. For minutes I only managed to gape at her whereas her lips hadn't paused for a single second, her excitement only doubling as a tall brunette joined us by my locker. Rachel, Sophia had called her.

"What about this one then?" the girls continued their discussion. Shifting on my feet, I casted Sophia another glance.

This felt weird. Not completely right.

The girl to Sophia's side sighed, pushing a dark wave of hair behind her ear. "I need more options", Rachel mumbled.

"To be fair, it doesn't really matters much anyway", Sophia cocked up a brow as she grinned at her friend. "I mean, it's not like the dress is going to stay on for long"

A weird feeling bubbled up in my stomach. Not necessarily because of dress-talk, or the fact that their close bond brought up that aching feeling in my chest again, but simply because I couldn't bring myself to join them. I swallowed.

Michelle was right. I was meant to be making friends, to be enjoying this kind of conversations about boys and dresses and whatever.

Yet all I wanted was to run home, crawl into the safety of my bed and stay there forever.

I let out a bitter chuckle. I'd call myself pathetic, if I hadn't already done it multiple times before.

Sighing, my fists clenched at my sides. Michelle was right.

Maybe if I just tried, I might actually forget about hi-

"That's quite the assumption" I jerked as Rachel huffed, her dark brown eyes narrowed to a glare.

"Oh come on", Sophia blew out. "You'll probably be sucking face with someone before I've even arrived"

"At least I have the guts to go after what I want"

Well damn...

Sophia tutted her lips. "At least I don't have a different boyfriend for every day of the week"

"I'm a free woman, I can do whatever the hell I want", Rachel scoffed, hands planted on her hips. Softly closing my locker, I adjusted the strap digging into my shoulder.

Come on, Ella. Michelle was right.

"Yeah, well. Good luck with those STDs in the future"