Fly High, Burn Bright

Chapter 11

I managed to calm myself down by the time morning came, but sleep was out of the question by now. Even Keigo's comforting embrace couldn't lull me back to sleep, but I stayed in bed a little longer, scared that if I moved, I'd accidentally wake him up. The sun climbed a little higher, and when Keigo mumbled something in his sleep, slightly relaxing his grip around me, I managed to slip out without bothering him. My head felt heavy, clouded with worry and decade-old sadness, and it was a little hard to stay on my feet - the pounding ache behind my forehead combined with my still-trembling legs made walking seem like an almost impossible challenge.

Still, it wasn't like this was my first sleepless night, or like I hadn't gone through that nightmare before. I'd had to fight villains before while running on an hour of sleep and an over dosage of caffeine that helped hide the fact that my body was shaking not because of the unnatural energy but because of the horrors I'd had to witness. I tried to be as quiet as possible as I dragged myself out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, starting myself up a batch of coffee that was probably way too strong for a person to consume safely, but by now, I'd gotten more or less immune to the abnormally high amount. 

With my cup of overly-strong coffee in hand, I leaned against one of the counters, hanging my head backwards and squeezing my eyes shut. I was lucky it was the weekend - if it had been a work day, I would've had to come up with an excuse for why I was so dead on my feet. I took a slow sip of the bitter coffee, frowning a little at the taste, but still refusing to add cream or sugar. Black coffee just seemed to work better on me. Halfway through the cup, I felt the rush of energy start to kick in, and my head cleared a little, my thoughts finally becoming coherent. A quick glance at the clock in the kitchen told me it was just past nine in the morning, and I held back a groan, realizing that Keigo would be asleep for at least another two hours. 

I scourged our pantries and cupboards before finding a pancake mix, and although it wasn't exactly my preferred breakfast, I was hungry from staying up for the better part of the night. Within minutes, I managed to prepare myself a more-or-less decent meal, and although the pancakes weren't as good as they would've been if I made them from scratch, they did the job and helped fill me up for the time being. I could feel the memory trying to resurface again, but I pushed it away, not wanting to break down twice in less than a day. In a desperate search for something else to think about, I remembered that sticky note from last night.

I hadn't been able to read it, but it looked like there was a number written on it, and the handwriting was a lot neater than Keigo's, and definitely wasn't mine. I furrowed my brows slightly as I washed the last of my dishes and set them out to dry, wondering how the note had gotten there, who'd written it, and where it had gone. At least the last question could be answered - I'd just have to ask Keigo about it later, when he woke up. That still left the how and who, and I quickly walked through the apartment, only to find that, just as I'd expected, every window was closed, and I always locked the door, so there wasn't any way that someone could've gotten in, unless they had a quirk to help them with that.

I sighed in defeat - no one came to mind that could've done it. To make it worse, I suddenly recalled how worried Keigo had been last night when he was looking at his phone. I'd  briefly seen the screen of a texting conversation, but hadn't seen who he was talking to. He seemed so concerned about whatever it was that he'd read, and it made me a little nervous - Keigo wasn't exactly the type to take things so seriously, so it must've been something pretty big. But then again, if it was that big of a deal, he probably would've already told me about it, so surely, it couldn't be that bad. All the worrying made me uncomfortable, so I turned my attention to my phone instead.

There didn't seem to be anything out of the ordinary, with just the usual news about heroes and interviews trending on social media. I was about to turn my phone off when a different video caught my attention - I saw myself standing angrily beside that one reporter from two days ago, and I clenched my fist, digging my nails into my palm in an attempt to control some of the anger. That stupid interview was one of the top trending videos on YouTube now, and had more than twenty five million views already. Great. As if I needed even more bad rep. I wasn't exactly worried about myself - sure, the interview made me look horrible, and it might lower my ranking, but it's not like I cared about that anyway. 

I was more worried about the fact that my bad reputation would spread to Hawks Agency, and somehow hurt Keigo, but then again, Endeavor wasn't the friendliest hero either, and he'd somehow managed to secure the number one spot. Maybe it's not that bad. Maybe some people like that I was able to cut the interview off when I got uncomfortable. I squeezed my eyes shut, debating for a brief second on whether or not I should see the public's reaction, but in the end, curiosity won me over, and I clicked on the video, immediately opening the comments. Well shit. I was wrong. 

Hundreds and thousands of comments flooded into a stream, each one pointing out a flaw, or something that I'd done wrong. I frowned down at my phone, skimming through the text, mildly registering that the most popular comments were all based around my 'ruthless violence', 'rude, ungrateful tone', or 'confession to fighting dirt even though she's a hero'. I pinched the bridge of my nose, closing my eyes in an attempt to block out the comments. It hurt. I'd been through so much, and did my best to defeat the villains, but they still hated me just because I didn't play nice. If I was kind to every villain I fought, I'd be dead by now, I wanted to shout back at them, but even if I could, it would only make matters worse.

"She'd make a better villain than a hero."

I nearly dropped my phone, but managed to catch myself at the last moment. It was nothing new. I'd seen these reactions from others several times before, but damn did they hurt. I felt my legs weaken a little, and the high from the coffee disappeared as I slid to the floor, my back against the wall. I hugged my knees to my chest and buried my face in my arms, trying so hard to force the useless tears back before they had the chance to fall, but my cheeks were already wet. It's okay, I told myself. I didn't care about what others thought of me before, so why should I start now? Besides, I don't need their validation. I'm a hero because I believe that anyone who hurts others deserves to be punished. Who are they to tell me that I'm wrong?

My body trembled with silent sobs - Keigo was still asleep, and I didn't want to be any more of a burden to him than I already was. How pathetic. A few idiots on the internet who have nothing better to do than criticize others are enough to make me break down. I'm weak. I'm so fucking weak. I bet if it wasn't for Keigo, I wouldn't even have been able to graduate the hero program, and would've been just another failed excuse of a human. If it wasn't for Keigo, I sure as hell wouldn't be working for an agency as good as this one. I threw my head back against the wall, exhaling softly as a sad chuckle left my lips.

I really do have Keigo to thank for everything. If it wasn't for him, I would've died on that day, too, and even if I didn't, my life would be an even worse shithole now. All I can do now is do my best to be strong and punish anyone who deserves it. Still, it didn't change the fact that he was dozing peacefully in our shared bedroom, completely unaware that I was slowly spiraling down my path of agony. It didn't change the fact that with thousands of people mad at me for no reason, telling me that I was what I hated most, I wished silently that on that day, he hadn't held me back.