Fly High, Burn Bright

Chapter 75

My breath was raspy and came in quick, shallow huffs, but I tried my best to calm myself down. It was just a dream, just some stupid nonsense dream that didn't mean anything. Dabi was safe, I was safe, and he wouldn't die. Not by Hawks' arms, anyway. And what was that, about me being stuck between two worlds? That wasn't true, not in the slightest. I was a villain, not some pathetic hero that showed off for the sake of pleasing fans. I was a villain, and if it ever came to the point that Hawks was threatening Dabi, then I wouldn't hesitate to put a knife through the hero's throat. I was a villain, dammit, no matter what the irritating voices told me.

But what if I wasn't? What if I couldn't be a villain? I'd enjoyed the past three and a half months. They were the best I'd had in a long, long time. I enjoyed the terror and screams and reproachful glares that came my way whenever I donned the mask of Tankei, because they made me feel powerful, they made me feel like I could bring anyone down to the punishment that they deserve, and lord knew these people needed punishment. They humiliated and terrorized me, they made me feel worse than hell, and now it was my turn to do the same to them. It was only fair, and if that made me a villain, so be it - I'd embrace that with a smile then.

So if I was so willing to stay here in the League, so happy to keep forcing pain onto others, then why didn't the voice leave? Why did it still whisper in my ear, tell me that I was wrong, promise me that I'd regret it all if I didn't stop now? Why did that damned voice still rise at the worst time and murmur doubts of whether I was right or not? It never really left me, did it? It was always there, always telling me that no matter how bad these people were, they didn't deserve the pain I was forcing onto them. It was always there, telling me that I picked the wrong side, and that I should at least take the League down before they do even more bad than they've already done.

But like the good villain that I was, I ignored it. I ignored that little voice, and decided that if it ever showed up again, I'd force it as far away from me as possible, because so what if I was wrong? Everyone else was wrong, too. Hawks was wrong for abandoning me. The agency was wrong for dismissing my problems. The entire country was wrong for judging me and pinning the label of 'monster' onto me before I'd even done anything. And I was wrong because I was planning to get my sweet, sweet revenge on every single one of those wrongdoers. 

Only now did my heartbeat slow and my breathing become less shaky, as if the embrace of knowingly going down the 'wrong' path had managed to calm me down. I could feel the warmth of Dabi around me again, but it was the comforting kind, not the warmth that had tried to burn me alive in that horrid nightmare. I snuggled closer to him, which earned me a content sleepy snore, and I felt his arms wrap around me a little tighter. That's right. I was safe, we were safe, and Dabi was with me, and he'd chosen to stay by my side because I asked him to. He had chosen me. He wasn't like Hawks. Dabi chose me. That knowledge was enough to get me to drift back to sleep, this time blessed with no dreams.

I woke up to soft poking at my forehead, and groaned as the welcoming blanket of sleep was obnoxiously pulled away from me. Who would even- Oh. Right. Dabi had brought me back to my room after I fell at the archives last night, and I'd asked him to stay. And he'd stayed. And now he was grinning from ear to ear as he kept poking his finger at my forehead until whatever hope for sleep that remained was long gone. Annoyed, I grumpily punched his arm, to which Dabi replied with an overdramatic pout.

"You know, princess, if I knew you'd be so violent, I would've left you there on the floor," he jested, rubbing at the spot that I'd hit. Maybe I should hold back a little next time. I apologized to Dabi by pressing a quick kiss to his lips, and although it didn't leave him as flabbergasted as I hoped it would, it was certainly more than enough to return the usual crooked grin to him.

"Well, next time you'll know," I grinned and poked the tip of his nose, already feeling the toll of the nightmare hit me. I shouldn't have been this exhausted, especially since I'd gotten a significantly larger amount of sleep today, but the pinpricks of burning and freezing at the same time were still slowly taking their hatred out onto me. I ignored the lingering feeling and grabbed a change of clothes before turning to the door. 

Behind me, Dabi sat up on the bed. "Where are you going?"

"To the shower," I responded, my words highlighted with an eyeroll, and Dabi's beam only grew. 

He jumped off the bed and grabbed my arm, dragging me down the halls to briefly stop by his room to pick up a bundle of clothing that was no doubt full of wrinkles and finally stopping at one of the washrooms. The mischievous smile along with the barely visible white roots of his hair made it a little hard to refuse, and needless to say, the shower took a little longer than necessary. At least now that it was cold, no one would question why I was wearing a turtleneck. 

My morning cup of coffee was interrupted by none other than Shigaraki, who decided to ignore the fact that I was a little wobbly on my legs as he tilted his head to the door that led to the halls. I briefly caught sight of Dabi lurking a few meters away with a deadly scowl on his face, but gave him nothing more than a teasing grin before following in Shigaraki's footsteps. Toga was already waiting for us in the hall, and my heart sunk a little - so this was about that impossible mission, wasn't it? I patiently waited for either one of them to speak, taking small sips from the mug that I cradled in my hands. Shigaraki's eyes followed my every move, and I couldn't tell whether I preferred him with or without the mask. Frankly, both were nothing more than a terrifying madman who could kill with just his touch.

"You'll be going in two days." Shigaraki said it so nonchalantly, you'd think that he was talking about the weather instead of a dangerous mission that would take place in the literal home of the enemy. 

I choked on my coffee. "Two days? Isn't that a little too soon?" I managed to ask once the hacking at the back of my throat stopped.

"You'll be equipped with the proper gear just before leaving. Even for you two, this mission should be easy enough." Shigaraki chose to ignore me once again, speaking directly to Toga now and completely dismissing my existence. I should really stop being such a cocky brat around him. 

Toga's eyes had been shining ever since Shigaraki had mentioned gear, and I knew she was already picturing all of the possibilities that could come, what with the League's seemingly endless funding. Then again, I couldn't exactly blame her. Though I preferred the simplicity of just my two knives and the quirk to hide me, I'd experimented with some interesting gadgets before, and each one seemed more fascinating than the last. I turned to ask Shigaraki what specifically he had in mind, but he was already gone. That was just perfect, wasn't it?

I groaned and headed back to the mess hall with nothing better to do than to join Yuri and Dabi's discussion about whether or not cereal is a soup, and whatever trace of shame after the little bathroom trip with Dabi that I'd still had left disappeared once the two started arguing to the point that half of the League was intently staring at them and trying not to laugh. At least the approaching mission didn't seem quite as stressful now.

The rest of the day passed with another quick spar, this time in pairs, with me and Toga fighting against Dabi and Yuri. The match lasted so long that Spinner had had to force us to stop before we completely exhausted ourselves, though I wanted to believe that Toga and I had been on the winning side. Rather than going back to the archives for the evening, I decided to sleep early, and the next day was full of preparations and lectures from Dabi that I should be extremely careful with the assigned task. When the next morning rolled around, I thanked the lucky stars that my body chose to not be sore and my mind chose to be clear, and with Toga beside me, I marched straight for the weaponry.