Fly High, Burn Bright

Chapter 46

I woke up early, and was more than surprised that I'd actually managed to sleep for a few hours - maybe all the running made me exhausted enough to have a dreamless four hours of rest. Even though it was still summer, I shivered under the thin flannel, squinting my eyes against the blinding light of the sun as it slowly rose over the city. Now that my mind was cleared a little, I realized just how far I'd gotten from the apartment - at the very least, a good thirty kilometers. I'd been pushing my thoughts away for so long last night, I hadn't even realized how far I'd run, but even though I knew the exact route I needed to take to get back to the apartment, I walked in the opposite direction.

It must've been around five in the morning, because I only spotted one or two people running down the streets, with earbuds blocking them from the rest of the world. The limp in my ankle got a little better, but it was still a hindrance that annoyed me greatly as I tried to get even further from the shared apartment. Only after a few minutes did I realize what a sorry state I was probably in, and when I spotted an open café from the corner of my eye, I immediately made my way to it. I waited until I saw the owner turn away for a brief second before slipping into the café and going straight to the washroom, locking the door behind me.

I splashed some water on my face first, rubbing away the streaks of blood and tears that lay angrily on my cheeks until the skin was pink and agitated. Then, I cleaned the blood off my knives, trying my best to forget just how far I'd gone last night as I questioned the villain. The flannel came next, and although I scrubbed the blue and white fabric for a good three minutes straight with the soap, a red streak still stuck on one of the sleeves. The black t-shirt was also stained in a similar pattern, and, shivering from the sudden cold, I stripped it off, putting on the soaking flannel instead as I did my best to wash the blood from my shirt. 

My pants came next, and I tried to rub the stains out without taking the clothing off, but gave up after a few failed attempts. Now that my clothes were drenched and slightly less horrifying, I turned my attention to my hair. Naturally, I'd forgotten all about hair ties last night, so the long black strands were tangled beyond belief, and I dragged my fingers through the knots in an attempt to smoothen them out, ignoring the fact that the action barely did anything. Once I put my shirt on under the flannel again, I was happily surprised to see that I looked more or less put together - if someone randomly saw me right now, they probably wouldn't have been able to guess that I'd tortured someone nearly to their death last night.

I made sure to hide my weapons beneath the flannel to prevent even more unnecessary stares that I knew I'd be getting before I left the washroom. The barista furrowed their brows in confusion, probably wondering when I'd entered the café, but I pulled out my wallet and quickly ordered a black coffee for myself, relieved that the barista had not yet recognized me. Maybe they hadn't watched the news last night. 

"300 yen," they said, and I hurriedly gave them the coins. They handed me the paper cup, and as I reached out to take it, their eyes widened with fear and realization. "Hey, wait a second. Aren't you Vizion?"

"Nope, wrong person," I replied, turning around with the coffee in hand and speeding towards the door. "Thanks for the coffee!" Before they could ask again, I was already gone, taking small sips of the coffee and immediately regretting it as the scalding hot drink burned my tongue, but at least I wouldn't be walking around on a completely empty stomach. Only now did I realize just how empty my life was - all I had was my job and Keigo now. I couldn't face Keigo yet, and the agency was probably waiting for me to get back so they could fire me after last night. God, I really messed up this time.

When the sun climbed higher into the sky and more and more people started walking the streets, I abandoned the populated part of the city, instead taking to the outskirts. I ordered myself a bowl of ramen from a nearby food truck, painfully aware of how the five thousand yen now became four thousand. I'd have to skip out on the rest of my meals today, just in case I decided to stay away for a few more days, but it wouldn't be anything I couldn't handle. The day kept going, and I eventually found an abandoned bridge that held up a lonely highway that looked like a good enough spot to rest at. 

I immediately collapsed under it, wrapping myself in the still-damp flannel as the cruel thoughts started flooding me again. I  couldn't just wander the streets forever. I'd need to go back eventually, and I'd need to face Keigo soon enough. Just a few more days, I told myself. I'll give myself a few days of ignorance, and then I'll go back. The day dragged by at a snail's pace, but at least I wasn't bothered too much by any pedestrians that walked by - they all stayed away at a pretty decent distance, as if they were scared I'd attack them out of nowhere, but I couldn't exactly blame them.

The day turned into night, and I was pleasantly surprised with how much brighter the stars shone here than they did back at the apartment. I'd wandered another ten kilometers away and was at the less populated side of the city now, and I stared at the glimmering lights above me until sleep overcame my senses. I was awake soon enough, though, and I shivered in the thin clothing when a breeze blew past me. I instinctively went to check my phone for any new notifications, but the device had run out of battery last night - I'd stared at it for a good hour, waiting for Keigo to at least try to reach out to me, but to no avail. It was as if he didn't even care. 

My second day out of the apartment passed the same as the first, and then the third and fourth were just as eventless. By the time the fourth night under the bridge came around, I decided enough was enough - I'd return to the apartment tomorrow, and I'd make things right first with Keigo and then with the agency. Above me, the stars seemed to shine a little brighter, as if they agreed with my decision, and although my wallet was empty now and my stomach growled with hunger, I was happy. Tomorrow, I'd go home, and I'd be back with Keigo. Tomorrow, I would be fine again. I lay under the starry sky with the flannel keeping me somewhat warm until sleep finally came, the quiet sounds of the city behind me keeping calm through the night.

I woke up as the sun rose and started my long journey back to the apartment, taking turns between jogging and running down the streets as I instinctively took the shortest path, once again thanking the patrols for permanently engraving a map of the city into my mind. People stared at me as I sped down the streets, limping slightly from the still injured ankle, probably wondering what I was doing and why I was running, but I did my best to ignore them. It most certainly wasn't the best idea to force my body to run after eating minimal meals for five days straight, but I couldn't even hold myself back. I needed to see Keigo.

By the time the streets around me turned to the ones I saw every day, I only sped up, shouting apologies to anyone I accidentally bumped into. I was coming home. I was coming back to Keigo, back to my closest friend and the person I loved most, back to the one who had never once turned his back on me. I was going to tell him that I didn't mean any of it, and that it was all just a big mistake, and that he meant the world to me. I was going to make things right. I was going to fix this problem I caused, no matter how long it took me.

The apartment complex loomed over me, and I finally let myself come to a stop as I gasped for breath. Running so far certainly took a toll on my already weakened body, and I'd probably regret pushing myself so far later, but that didn't matter now. I pulled the key that was buried in one of my pockets out and shakily entered the lobby, avoiding any and all forms of eye contact. If I was correct, it was Sunday, so Keigo should be home now. I nervously rode the elevator up to the top floor and made my way to the familiar door, pausing right in front of it. This is it, I told myself. I can do this.