Fly High, Burn Bright

Chapter 30

"Where'd you go?" Keigo mumbled through a string of yawns as he sat up on the couch, and the raging storm that had been coming and going from my heart completely disappeared when I saw him.

"I couldn't sleep. I just went to the roof for some fresh air," I told him. Not a lie, but not the entire truth either.

Keigo nodded. It wasn't completely uncharacteristic for me, and he knew as well as I did that sleeping was something I had trouble with, so my half-truth was believable enough. "Wake me up next time, alright? I'll keep you company."

"Sure you will. You like you're barely awake," I smiled, taking a few steps closer and pressing a kiss to his forehead. His usually-slicked-back messy hair was lying flat, with a few strands sticking out here and there, and I gently pushed them back. Behind him, Keigo's wings ruffled together slightly, the feathers fluffing outwards before smoothing down again, making my smile widen. It's like his wings had a mind of their own, giving away telltale signs of how he was feeling, and the ruffle had obviously been from comfort and pleasure. "Go back to bed, alright? I'll be there in a bit."

Keigo nodded in response, muffling another yawn, and as soon as he entered the bedroom, I rushed straight to the washroom with a change of clothes in hand, locking the door and pulling off the flannel - the once-blue and white checkered sleeve was now stained with red, and the blade of the kitchen knife was still engraved in my wrist. I was suddenly grateful that the light in the living room had been off. If Keigo had seen this, he probably would've flipped out. I gingerly took off the band that was still holding the knife in place and pulled the blade out of the flesh, watching the blood ooze out of the cut and into the sink.

The cut looked pretty deep, but it definitely didn't hurt as much as it should've, or maybe the pain just seemed dull in comparison to my earlier wounds. Either way, the sting was comforting. It was a punishment to myself for spending an hour with a villain and not even attempting to apprehend him, and for genuinely caring about the villain's safety. It also helped force the sympathy out of me. Pity wasn't something I could afford. If I let it stay, then I'd end up just like my sister, and I couldn't even imagine leaving Keigo behind like that. 

I reached into the lower cabinet in the bathroom, pulling out a small bottle of rubbing alcohol and a roll of gauze. I'd prefer to just leave the wound as is, but the blood started to get really annoying, and I didn't want to give Keigo a heart attack over it. I uncorked the bottle, ran the cut under some water to clean it of any excess blood, and then poured some of the alcohol over it. The cut immediately started to burn and sting, bringing tears to my eyes, but I blinked them away, waiting for the pain to subside a little. It was a little strange, how healing a wound sometimes hurt even more than the actual injury.

When the sting became bearable, I wrapped my wrist in gauze, looping the fabric over itself and tucking the end into place so that it wouldn't unravel. By now, the burn of the alcohol was mostly gone, and all that remained was the comfortable pressure of the bandage tightly tied around the cut. I was too tired and mentally drained to come up with an excuse for the cut that Keigo would actually believe, so despite the fact that it was still warm outside, I slipped into a large sweater that covered my bandaged wrist. If need be, I'd just ask one of the healers to fix it up, and Keigo wouldn't ever need to find out about it. After all, if he knew that I'd ended up with a cut after supposedly being just out on the roof by myself because I couldn't sleep, he was bound to get suspicious of it, and that would only result in him putting himself in danger.

As I changed out of the sweatpants and did my best to wash the blood from the fabric, I tried to organize my thoughts. Before today, I'd never had a problem with going to certain extremes as long as it meant that I ended up getting the results I needed, and although the hate from the public had been quite bothersome, I'd learned to, for the most part, ignore it. Sure, I had the lows where the comments and hateful stares would get to me, and I still had those horrid nightmares, but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. Today, however, when I'd seen just how much I hurt Dabi even after I'd knocked him out, it was like some sort of sympathetic part was awakened and suddenly pushed into reality. 

It forced me to see how I looked from a different perspective, and it made me understand why the League thought they had a chance at taking me in. Part of me wanted to accept the new side - after all, it would mean that the public would like me a little more, and I'd finally be able to become a proper hero, one that wasn't feared and avoided by everyone, right? But then my sister's body flashed before my eyes, those cursed markings carved into her flesh and leaving her dead and gone. She lost because she took pity and stuck to her morales that no one deserved pain, because she was merciful to everyone, even the very same villain that ended up taking her life. 

I couldn't afford to keep that new side. It was too much of a drawback, especially now that I was locked in a deadly dance with Dabi that only he could end. I almost growled in annoyance. That asshole had me right where he wanted - he'd lured me in with a promise of intel and kept me in place with blackmail that would hurt my reputation even more, not to mention the threats towards Keigo that I knew he would make good of if he needed. He'd set the perfect trap for me, and I walked right in. I couldn't even tell anyone about it, or Dabi would surely take it out on Keigo, and it wasn't that I didn't think Keigo could take care of himself, but if I had to trade my own safety to ensure his, I'd do so in a heartbeat. 

Keigo has been there with me since the beginning, and he's never once left my side. He gave me love. He gave me comfort. He gave me the feeling of safety, and the feeling that I was needed. I truly didn't deserve him - he was too good for me in every single way - but as long as he wanted me, I'd stay by his side, never wavering. It was the least I could do for him in exchange for his never-ending kindness. Only now did I realize that I'd been aggressively scrubbing at the sleeve of the flannel for so long that not only did the blood seep out, but so did some of the blue dye, and I quickly rinsed the fabric out, hanging it up to dry. Quickly checking to make sure that there was no evidence of my injuries anywhere, I hid the rubbing alcohol, returned the kitchen knife to its proper location, and tossed the rest of my clothing into the laundry basket before finally going back to the bedroom.

Keigo was already asleep, lying on his side with his wings folded behind him, but I couldn't really blame him. He'd looked pretty tired before, and being the number two hero must be pretty exhausting. Plus, I probably took a pretty long time in the bathroom, and he must've fallen asleep while waiting for me. I slipped into the bed beside him, snaking my arms around his waist to pull him closer to me, and Keigo mumbled something quietly in his sleep, making me smile softly. He may seem like an overconfident cocky jerk at first, but he was kind and caring, not to mention childish and completely adorable. Just thinking about him was always enough to cheer me up, and I never failed to remember how much I loved him.

I buried my face in his chest and curled into him, and Keigo subconsciously brought one hand to my hair, resting it there in his sleep. All of my troubles faded away as I lay there beside him, forgetting about all of the rage that had fueled me before, and even the unending pain from my wrist became nothing but a background sensation. Only Keigo could make me feel like this, so at peace and free from worries. I must've lucked out when I first met him, but that didn't matter. As long as he stayed by my side, it didn't matter what hell I had to go through, because no matter what, I'd be fine with him.