𝐓𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡 𝐃𝐨 𝐔𝐬 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭

four

B L A I R A L D E R I D G E
_

The bright morning sun wakes me up from my deep slumber. The bed feels cold under my body and after I slowly open my eyes, letting them adjust to the rooms bright lights and look around my dad's room I see an empty bed.

After last night I put Reese back to sleep and when I went to bed I was constantly rolling around trying to get comfortable before I walked to dad's room and snuck into his bed while he was asleep.

Four days a week my dad works, one on the weekend and three in the week. The two days he has off in the week are when I go to school while he looks after Reese and other days when he's working I stay home and today is one of those days.

I hop out of bed and walk back into mine, checking on the baby monitor that Reese is still fast asleep before walking into my closet. I grab out a pair of light-washed jeans and a white cotton sweater.

I turn the shower tap on and wait for the water to heat up. I look in my mirror at my exposed body, all the extra weight I gained since being pregnant, I lost most the weight but my breasts are bigger and my hips are wider.

I have many scars littered across my skin, some from that him and some just from my clumsiness. It's been a long time since I've paid attention to my body this deeply, when I was pregnant I didn't start gaining weight until my second trimester and even then it wasn't a significant amount of weight.

But even looking at my body after everything I've been through reminds of when I was younger and the physical pain I'd do to myself because of the way I thought.

I was the only one who would wipe the crimson blood of my thighs, wipe my tears whiling facing away from everyone, I would force the the food into my own mouth after days of not eating.

I was the only there for me.

And now I have a son I need to live for, I would never want to leave just for him to grow up and wonder where his parents are or want to put that stress onto my dad. He's already been through that, I couldn't ever make him face that again.

Although sometimes I wonder what would happen if someone asked my about how I was and not make everything about my own son. I love him dearly but no one every asks if I'm okay after needing to put my teenage years on pause to look after a baby, working everynight no matter how tired I truly am and stop doing what I love.

Before meeting him I loved going to school everyday and learning, I always wanted to be a business owner but then my life got put of pause I had other things I needed to do before I could do what I wanted.

Although me and my dad are close, not even he knows how terrible and traumatizing everything was to go through.

I bring my hand up and wipe the tears rapidly falling from my eyes before standing in the shower and letting the hot water run down my skin, washing away everything.

When I get back into my messy room I grab my black handbag from the back of my door and putting everything I'll need in. After packing my bag I slip on my black birkenstocks and make my way into Resse's room.

"Hey baby." I open the curtains in his room and watch his smile grow widen. "Your definitely the opposite of mommy, you love mornings and I hate them."

I change him into a black onesie with small stars and some mini white converse on his tiny feet.

"Look at my handsome boy." I sit him on the carpet in his nursery.

He moves from side to side and I bring out my hands for him to hold onto, "You wanna stand?" He uses all his feet, and my hands to stand up and gives me a smile with his teeth just barely sticking out of his gums.

TILL DEATH DO US PART

"Thank you, have a good day." I say to the cashier before leaving the store and walking around the shops.

I decided to go to the shops today to get some clothes and other essentials, and the whole twenty minutes we've been here Reese has been sleeping in the pram.

I walk into Victoria Secret, in need for some more undergarments as my aren't fitting anymore. After picking out some more new bras and paying I leave the store in need of a cold drink.

I find a small cafe far away from the all the other foods stores. I walk in and go straight up to the counter and order an iced latte. The cafe only has two other people sitting in there, two mid thirties women sitting at a table in the corner, gossiping and sipping on latte's.

I take my laptop, pencil case and book from my handbag and place them on the table.

Most the students at school believe that sense I stopped going to school everyday or stopped handing things in meant that I was failing but no one except the teachers and principal know that I switched to online school and I only attend in person school because I can't stand to stay at home with baby everyday of the week. Even with a baby I still need the familiarity that going to school holds.

I open my business class online and stroll through the all the texts, taking out and writing down any information I'll need for later. By the time my drink arrives I've already filled in almost a whole page of notes but I continue finishing all the lessons I haven't finished.

The noise of multiple heavy footsteps walking into the almost empty cafe grab my attention. Looking up from my book I see the three people I didn't wanna see standing at the entrance watching me.

I roll my eyes and take another sip from my iced latte and sneaking a look at Resse who's still asleep in the pram next to me.

-

J<3