Her heartbeat

❥ 20.

Going

"Sit down", my mother said when I went down the stairs into the living room. My parents were both standing in front of me.

When I sat down, my mother pushed a chair in front of my knees and sat on it. My father preferred to take the place to my right and to sit down too. I looked at them and had absolutely no idea what they wanted from me. They both looked very serious.

Oh my god, was it this time ? They send me free for adoption ? Boarding school ? Army ?

I will never lie again.

No adoption family would accept me, I would be too exhausting for them. A boarding school is also out of the question, I only would bleed the worksheet from my classmates full, with my nose.

And Army ? Me at the Army ? That would never work. Not in this life.
Getting up early, the kilometer long march. The whole yelling. God I hate when someone yells at me.

"Madellaine we thought and talked a lot." My mother started slowly. "And we came to the decision-"

That's it I'm going to the Army, I know she'll say it. So that I'll learn "discipline". Who gives a fuck about discipline ?
If I can't have my 3$ milkshakes, I will learn shit about discipline.

I doubt that there are Milkshakes at the army.

What about protein shakes ?

Are they allowed ?

I mean they are proteins, proteins are good for athletic people. But I'm not athletic. Shit.

"-that you'll stay with aunt Margret for a while."

Wait. Did I hear that correct ? Did she say aunt Margret ? The aunt Margret ? The aunt who always forced me to stay inside, learning shit for college, instead of playing with the neighborhood kids. The aunt Margret who wanted to show me how to behave like a young woman, at the age of eight. The aunt Margret who told me that I will never find a man with my attitude and my character. The aunt Margret who was incredibly jealous of my mother because she married a man who looked better than hers. And the aunt Margret, who was happy when she found out that I was sick because she was right, I mean what man wants a terminally ill girl as a girlfriend ?

"What ?" I said in disbelief. They can't do that to me. Why even ? Because of a lie ? I know lying is a bad bad thing, but they are overreacting, way too much. 

"You can't do that to me, this woman is a monster and she hates me." Angry sounds coming from my mouth.

"Hey that's still your aunt !", my mother said and tried to defend her.

"You hate her yourself." I said to my mother when I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms, leaning against the couch.

"That is not true ! We only had a few disagreements... it's normally among siblings."
I just rolled my eyes. It's ridiculous how she tries to protect her sister, although she never did the same for my mother.

My aunt is sadly the only family that my mother has left. Her parents died early and she didn't have any other siblings. It's incredibly sad, but to be honest I would like to live for the rest of my life alone, instead of to live with such a psychopath.

"Okay, so am I understanding that correctly ? So it is normal if your sister has been pulling you down for years, never visiting you, never asks you how you're doing, never calls you, only when she needs money. Did not help you back then when you were alone without money. When-" I kept going until I was stopped.

"That's enough !" My mother interrupted me.
I know that I made her angry with my statements, but she doesn't want to see the truth. I really can't spend my time with my aunt. The last time I was there or saw her was 6 years ago, imagine that. Every other normal person may see his relatives every 2-3 weeks. Well, every normal person with a healthy relationship with his relatives.