Her heartbeat

❥ 41.

No idea

When I got home, the first thing I did was run to my room, lock myself in there and let the tears fall.

I knew it.

I knew all along.

My life is not characterized by happiness.

As a child, I was often told that after my diagnosis, there was a 50 percent chance of living. People like me usually die after just five years after the initial diagnosis.
But I'm still living after six, almost seven years.

The doctors had warned me, they said I wouldn't live long but I never really took it seriously. I believed that there would be a miracle for me. I believed in it so strongly, but now everything is ruined.

My life will end in a few months.

How am I supposed to tell this Isabelle or Jaden ?

How am I supposed to-, oh my god.

No.

My heart suddenly gulp faster, it felt like my heartbeat was in my throat.

Myles... how- how should I explain this to him ?

It will break his heart. I can't do that. I don't want to hurt him. I said it, sooner or later I will hurt him.

There are no benefits to being with me, you only suffer excruciating pain.

Out of sheer frustration, I threw down all my things that were on my desk. I leaned against my wall and slowly slid down, until I was sitting on the floor, legs against my chest and my arms around my legs. Seconds later I started crying hysterically. My parents probably heard the loud noise when I threw my things down, because they opened the door frightened and ran to me.

They sat with me on the floor and hugged me, convinced me that everything would be fine, but nothing will, nothing will be good at all.

I'm about to die, and Myles has know idea.

———

Hours later, the three of us were still sitting on the floor. My eyes hurt terribly from all the crying and I'm exhausted, so exhausted. But suddenly the doorbell rang. My father wiped his tears from his face with his hand and went downstairs to see who was at the door. It was quiet for a few seconds until I heard something.

A voice.

A male voice that I would recognize from mugging.

Myles.

I looked over at my mother in fear, "mom-" I said panicking.

"Baby you have to tell him-", she started,
"he has the right to know." She said, stroking my hair out of my face.

"No mom, not now. It would break him. He has his big fight in less than a week, do you know what it would do to him if he knew the truth. Please you can't tell him anything." I begged her.

She nodded and stood up, "I'll tell him you're not feeling well." She was just about leave my room but I stopped her. "No wait-"

I got up and went to her, "tell him I'll be down in 10 minutes. I'm just getting ready."

"You want go with him-" she started.
"Yes. I want to spend the time I still have with him. He shouldn't notice that something is going on." She smiled slightly and hugged me. I hugged her back and we pulled away from each other. "Mom, please tell dad not to say anything either, okay ?" She smiled and nodded and disappeared downstairs.

I went into my bathroom and tried to relieve my swollen eyes. I put some make-up on my face so that he wouldn't notice anything. I would only hate myself more if Myles lost the fight because of me. Boxing is his life, I can't just take that away from him.

I looked in the mirror again, checking if there where any signs of me crying, and went downstairs. When I got downstairs I saw the three of them sitting on the couch. My parents saw me coming down and got up. Myles had his back to the stairs, so he couldn't see anything me. He stood up and turned around.

And there it was that smile again. But this time this smile couldn't make me forget my worries, my worries only got worse because I knew fully well that soon I won't be able to see this dreamlike smile anymore.

My parents smiled at me again and walked out of the living room. "Hey my beautiful flower", he said and came towards me. He put his hand on my waist and kissed me. I couldn't enjoy that kiss at all and I think he noticed because he looked at me questioningly, but I just smiled back and kissed him again so he wouldn't get suspicious.

"How are you doing ?" He asked. I took a deep breath and replied, "I feel better with you." He suddenly had a huge smile on his face. "I'm glad to hear that. I would like to take you out again today. What are you saying ?"

He's so perfect

I responded with a kiss. "Let's go."