Her heartbeat

❥ 43.

Lowest point

TW: Death

It was the next morning and yesterday's events were reflected in my dream. In my dream we were together. We were a happy couple that got old together. We watched our children get older and have children themselves. The dream was perfect, it was everything I could wish for. A happy, long life- without an illness, with Myles. That was my dream.

The alarm clock rang and called me back to reality. A new day, a new therapy lesson. However, I have to give that I am now looking forward to the hours. It is no longer depressing like a few months ago. I mean, it will be difficult to tell jaden and the rest of the group to tell my diagnosis, but it had to done.

I got ready, had breakfast and my mother drove me around 1pm to the lesson.

When I arrived I saw many familiar faces, except one; Jaden. Where is he ?

I sat in the circle and we greeted and talked about the past weeks, like every hour. Olivia, who is struggling with an eating disorder, spoke first. She said that she had a relapse and had to go to the hospital. I looked at her and pitied her. I could see how thin she has become over the weeks and she also looked much weaker.

We heard more stories until we ended up with me.

"So Madellaine, tell us how your last few weeks went, you weren't there for a long time." Mrs Baker said with smile. I

suddenly became very nervous. It was weird to talk without Jaden who was always next to me and encouraged me.

"Uhm.. my weeks were a very busy up and down. I did a lot with a friend of mine.

A friend of mine.

Seriously ?

Myles is definitely no longer just a friend.

"I was often at the doctor."

Before the therapy session, I had an appointment with Dr. Taylor.

*Flashback*
"Inhale... and exhale." She said, listening to my breathing with the stethoscope. "Very good, now raise your arms." Dr Taylor slowly felt my stomach and ribs, and later also my heart. "Madellaine I see you have lost some weight since our last session."

"Yes, I know, I'm somehow not hungry anymore and when I do, I feel sick when I eat something." I explained to her.

"When has this started ?" She asked as she wrote something on her clipboard.

"I would say since I got the new medication."

"I thought so, it was a side effect of the medication. The feeling of hunger decreases, because your body doesn't need the fat you eat, so it can work faster and better for your heart." She answered.

"But isn't it dangerous if I can't eat anything ? My body needs food to work, right ?" I asked her confused.

"Normally, that's right, but our body has reserves, which means your body takes energy from somewhere else in your body."
I just nodded. "Well, as I said, it's important that you take it easy, I just saw on the ECG that your heart rates have gotten worse again." I sighed.

"Your heart is weak Mady, you have to take it seriously when I tell you that you have to take it easy. That's means no stress, no wild parties or anything else that makes your heart beat faster. Do you understand that ?"
I nodded and sighed only.

*Flashback over*

"Would you like to tell us what your doctor said ? Like what is your health condition ?"
Mrs. Baker asked.

"Well, it looks like my heart is in an critical condition. It's no longer pumping blood to my body as quickly as it should and my doctor said it's seems to be very weak." Only when I said it and saw the pitiful faces, I realized how serious my condition really is.

"I'm so sorry to hear this Madellaine. Is there a cure for this ?" She asked, looking just as pitiful as the others. I can't explain it, but it makes me angry to see them all like that. They pity me.

"According to my doctor, I have no further chance of recovery. I am in stage 3 and my disease goes through 4 stages. That means my heart will stop beating in a few months." I suddenly heard gasps. I looked around and saw the faces of the others. Some talked among themselves, others continued to look at me sadly. I understand that they just trying to be nice, but they don't make the situation any better. I need jaden especially now.

"By the way, Mrs. Baker. Have you heard from Jaden by now ? I mean he's been missing for a very long time." I asked her.

The others' faces changed from sadness to uncertainty. Suddenly everyone broke eye contact with me and looked at Mrs. Baker, she was busy looking at her lap and playing with her fingers.

"Madellaine there is something you don't know yet." She got up and sat to my right. the place where Jaden usually always sat. She looked down and a few seconds later she looked into my eyes and I saw that she was going to tell me something that wasn't easy to say.

"Listen Madellaine...Jaden is dead..."

I think I just heard the word dead, but she must had say something else.

"A few pedestrians saw him floating in the water; he apparently jumped off a bridge."   

I think I'm still mishearing myself.

"He had a huge argument with his father shortly before and his father beat him up. That's why he ran away and jumped off the bridge." She said.

"No, that can't be true. He- he was fine." I said, holding her hand to explain. "He told me he was with his aunt and that he lives with her now. He was fine, I know that !"
I said loudly.

"His aunt was taken back to the hospital, her child became very sick after birth. She was in the hospital 24/7 and Jaden said he didn't want to be a burden so he went back to his dad. But his father beat him and didn't take care of him... He died a month ago Madellaine, I'm so sorry." She answered.

"No, no, no, that can't be true, you must be wrong. Why didn't anyone tell me anything ? I was there the whole time, why didn't I know anything ?!" I suddenly screamed.

"Your mother asked me to keep it for myself Madellaine." Baker started.

What did I just heard ?

"What did you just say ?" I asked her in disbelief.

"She said that you weren't feeling well physically and that you should avoid any stress."

She can't be serious.

I tore my hands away from her and stood up and ran out of the building. I ran down the street and couldn't hold back my tears. I can't believe he's dead. I can't believe my mother has lied to me again and is interfering in my life.

Everything collapses again. Jaden, my illness, my parents, Myles. I'm exactly where I was months ago.

At my lowest point.

Heyy I'm back !! So sorry for taking so long again for updating.
Be ready for the next chapter, let's say the bomb is gonna explode 😉