Her heartbeat

❥ 34.

"I could never hate you"

That's bad.

It's really bad.

I'm on my way to Myles and I'm so nervous.

What if he doesn't want to see me? What if he throws me out ? What if he hates me ?

So many thoughts and questions.

But there is still a feeling in me that I cannot switch off, because I am happy to finally see him again after three weeks.

I never thought that my head could hang so much on someone again. After Liam I had the feeling that I could never trust anyone again and let no more in.

But Myles did it.

He managed to let joy in my life again. He managed to love myself and to accept the way life goes sometimes.

Despite all of this, I pushed him away from me. I just hope he forgives me.

———

I arrived at his house and since it was already dark, I was more surprised that there was no light on, besides a room on the upper floor.

I already had a bad feeling but I still went to the door and rang the bell. After I rang the bell, I only got more nervous.

After almost a minute, the door opened.

"Ethan I told you before that you -" said a sleepy Myles with an annoyed but also exhausted voice.

When he looked at me, I watch his eyes widen. I don't know what was written in his eyes.

Surprised ? Happiness ? Anger ?

"Madellaine", he startled, with a hint of surprising tone.

"H-Hi Myles." I said almost too shyly as it would be the first time that I was talking to him.

"I heard that you are not feeling well and-" I could hardly end my sentence, when Myles pulled me in his arms and hugged me with such a strength, that I have never felt in my entire life. And in that exact moment I felt home again.

A home that I had left for so long but without forgetting that it was there.
I thought of this home every day. Every free second that I had, this house flew across my mind without a break.

His hug was firm, full of passion. full of sadness.

I missed you too.

God I missed you so much.

We walked into the house and the warm smell enveloped my whole body. I missed being here so much.

We sit on the couch and I remember the first time I was here and how I slipped and landed on him. My heart pounded faster at the memory. I couldn't get his touch out of my head. I cannot and don't want to forget it.

I looked into his eyes and noticed how broken he looked. He has dark circles under his eyes that were darker than his wall.
He had grown a slight beard and his hair looked completely messed up, but he still managed to look stunning.

The sparkle in his face, his beautiful warm smile was gone.

Lost.

Broken.

"I'm sorry." I said out of nowhere. I noticed that he wasn't expecting it, but he still managed a tiny smile.

"I'm sorry for Everything . I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I ignored you. I'm sorry I kissed you and then ran away. I'm sorry I broke you Myles. God I'm so sorry Myles. I don't know what I can do to make you forgive me, but I want you to know that I'm sincerely sorry. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life."

I say this sentence and suddenly my tears started to flow out of me. But I allowed it. I didn't suppress my feelings. I wanted him to know that I was serious about it.
I wanted him to know how much he means to me.

I took his hands in mine and placed them on my lap and looked at him intently.

"I know I always push you away, I know I don't let feelings get to me and I know that you were always just trying to make me happy and I want you to know that I notice these things. I know it might be too late and you might hate me but I want you to know that the kiss meant the world to me and I don't regret anything. I want you to kn-" but no more sound came out. I only felt his soft, warm lips on mine and lost myself in them.

3 weeks doesn't sound like a long time, but for me it was like a whole life. After 3 weeks to feel them again. To feel his closeness. To feel his touch. To feel his lips. It was the best thing that could have happened to me today.

He slowly pulled his lips away from mine and looked at me and wiped away a tear that settled on my cheek. "I could never hate you flower."

I listened to, what was I made for ? from Billie Eilish, and it made me so sentimental☹️ I suggest that u guys do it too, while reading this ;)