Her heartbeat

❥ 31.

Broken butterfly's

Butterfly's

Big beautiful butterfly's erupted my stomach as his soft lips touched mine.

My head went insane when he touched my waist and pulled me closer towards him.

My hands went around his neck as I tried to deepen the kiss because I don't want this to end.

Never again.

I want him with me

Now.

Later.

Tomorrow.

Forever.

This kiss feels wonderful. Beautiful. Special. Perfect. Unique in every way possible.

I was kissed before, from Liam but in our whole relationship it never felt like this.

I don't wanna stop but then my head starts to play in again.

I can't be with him. I can't let him touch me. I can't let him have me feel these things.

I will break him in the end.

So I pulled away and his face showed me that he was scared that he did something wrong. But at the same time I could see he felt it too.

The sparkles.

The butterfly's.

He felt them too.

"Are you okay ? Did I do something wrong ?" He asked me worried, his hands still attached to my waist.

"No you didn't do anything wrong. Just..." as I spoke I slowly put his hands away from my waist and I felt he became tensed.
"we can't do this again." Ouch

"What do you mean ?" He asked and I've never seen him this sad.

"I just think we should keep our distance. We can't do this anymore. I mean you are a famous boxer and if anybody finds out about us it could harm you."

"Madellaine what are you talking about, no one will find anything out. We can keep it a secret. And besides that, I wouldn't even care if someone finds out. I want you and I want that the world sees it."

"But I don't want that. I can't stand in public where people take pictures of me from all sides, I can't live this life."

"Made-" he started.

"No, I don't wanna talk about this anymore.
I'm sorry if I gave you wrong signs but I can't do this." Right when I was about to leave he grabbed my wrist.

"Then tell me you didn't felt it too. Tell me you didn't liked it. Tell me you don't want this, you don't want us. Tell me you don't want me. Tell me Madellaine. If you do I won't bother you anymore." He said serious.

I didn't looked at him when he talked to me. My gaze was fixed on the bedroom door.

I can't tell him that. I don't wanna tell him that, but if it means I can protect him from all the pain that comes when he's together with me, I guess I have to.

"I didn't feel anything. I don't want this and I don't want you." I ended my sentence but didn't dare to look at him while I spoke.

I felt his hand tensed.

Hell I could even feel how I shattered his heart, but I had to, for his sake.

He let go of my wrist and I opened the door and went downstairs.

I quickly put his medicine on the kitchen counter so he would find them easily. I grabbed my stuff and went outside.

I can't stay in this house and I know what I just did was horrible.

I'm horrible

God he just was in the hospital, is full of pain and the only thing I'm doing is to give him more pain.

I fucking hate myself right now.

I hate this disease

I hate this life

And then the tears started. I couldn't hold them back anymore.

His mom literally told me to take care of him and the first thing I'm doing is to leave him alone.

So I took my phone and called Ethan. He gave me his number when we were in the hospital to make sure I could call him if something happens.

"Ethan." My voice cracked

"Hey Madellaine, is something wrong ?"

"Uhm..c-can you come to Myles house ? I have to go now and I don't want him so stay alone." My voice broke as I continued crying.

"Yes sure but are you okay ?" He asked worried.

"I don't know, please just come here quick. I'm going home now."

"Okay, but wait I can drive you home, it's late."

"No I'm fine. See you." I didn't even let him talk before I ended the call.

I don't want talk with anyone right now. I feel miserable. I broke him.

I broke the only person that made my life better.

Like I said before, I can't be with anyone. I will break each person that comes near me.

I can't live like this anymore.

I don't wanna live like this anymore.

The beautiful butterfly's that I felt are broken.

I broke them.