Her heartbeat

❥ 44.

Im telling you, you guys are not ready for this chapter. Not me actually crying while writing this. (Btw I heard Fourth of July while writing on this, it made the experience better, just saying.)

Confession

Out of therapy, into the park where I have met Myles after my first therapy lesson. The sky makes heavy drops fall and I only feel more unhappy.

I thought we had summer ?

I still can't believe it.

Jaden is dead.

I can't put it in my head that he is no longer there, that he will never be there again. I was not attentive. I should have known. I should have brought him to my home even if he was against it. It's my fault. He's dead because of me.

I kept running the dark park. The thick clouds do not let any sunlight through. While I was running I had to think of Myles. I still remember exactly how annoyed I was when I saw him. I remember that it was once when I ran out of def therapy hour again because I didn't feel like it. I'm really running in front of my Proeblem. But what concerns me a lot more is the fact that my mother lied to me. She knew how much Jaden means to me and she had known for weeks that he was dead. And her excuse is that it could hurt me. I decided to confront her with it. I deserve answers.

I stand outside the front door, my heart pounding in my chest as I debate whether to knock. Finally, I muster up the courage and tap lightly on the door, which swings open to reveal my mother.

"Mady  ? I thought you had therapy ?" She said surprised.

I step into the living room, my hands trembling as I prepare to confront them.
Taking a deep breath, my voice shaking. "Mom, Dad, I need to talk to you. It's about something I found out today... something I can't believe you never told me."

My parents exchange a concerned glance as I struggle to hold back tears.

"What is it sweetie ?" My dad said.

I gather my thoughts, trying to find the right words to express my pain.

"It's about Jaden." My voice daring to break "I found out that he... he took his life."

My parents' faces fill with shock and guilt, and I feel a surge of anger rising within me.

"Baby we-... we wanted to tell you, but we didn't know how-" My mom started her excuse. 

My emotions overflow, and I can't hold back the anger and betrayal I feel inside.

"How could you not tell me?! Jaden was my friend, and I had to find out from my therapist! Why did you keep this from me?! You are lying to me again. Keeping things from me to "protect me". FUCK THIS !!" I yell at them. "Your protection only hurts me, it breaks me. You make me suffer even more!!"

Silence settles over the room, broken only by the weight of my words and the shared remorse between my parents.
I step closer to them and look mostly into my moms eyes.

"You promised to me that you won't lie to me ever again, that you won't hide things from me, yet you still did it again. You keep lying to me every time. I can't do this anymore mom ! First Myles and now Jaden.
Yes I've been weak over the few days, and yes my heart can't take any bad news but you still have no right to keep this from me." Tears started to fall from my eyes, cooling my heated skin. "He was my friend, he was the only thing that made me go to this fucking therapy. He was in trouble. His father abused him, and I couldn't fucking help him !!" I fell to my knees and started crying hysterically. I couldn't bear this pain anymore, it was to much.