The Rhythm of Your Heart [Yan!DSMP x Reader]

CHAPTER XXXI: Eight of Swords

And there you are again. It's been exactly a week since your first Festival here, making it the second for you to attend. This time, however, people are looking at you differently. Of course, this was to be expected, since you've lived here now for almost two weeks now, but the way that most citizens are glancing over at you is not considered normal. But then again, this is not a normal town.

"Did someone fucking pee in my wine?" Schlatt asks, the satyr being the only person at the moment who can keep you company without creeping you out. Of course, there's Jack and Jared as well, but they were asked to help out Puffy and Karl with something, both sorcerers apparently needing the aid of spirits. So, the satyr, and father of Tommy's closest friend, has had to make sure you didn't get too bored instead. Of course, he can be quite a dick, but he still kept some unwanted people away, due to his obnoxious behaviour and lack of filter. "This shit tastes so incredibly terrible that I feel like I'm eating some homemade vampirical spaghetti existent out of penises."

"That's suspiciously specific," you comment, not knowing how else to respond, only for Schlatt to raise his glass and drink more oof the liquid he just insulted.

You still haven't told Jared about what Niki and Quackity told you. Despite being a bit more wary now, you don't take their warnings as seriously as they'd like you to. If anything, you're fully willing to risk everything to bet that they were just trying to scare you off, for whatever reason this may be. You're willing to trust Jared, even if it means an embarrassing loss. Jared's not manipulative. He's just Jared. Sweet, old, honest Jared. And if it does turn out that he's some evil brilliance with some weird plan, you're prepared to give him that win, since he must be an amazing actor if that is.

"I've never eaten that stuff yet, by the way," Schlatt clears up, continuing to drink. "I've eaten a lot of weird stuff in my life, but that's not on my list."

"I'm terrified by the fact that you had to add 'yet' to the sentence, actually."

Despite being a very odd person, and glorifying his own alcoholism, Schlatt is a quite fun person to be around. He says the weirdest shit with the straightest face, thus throwing you off-guard with every 'wisdom' he adds. However, even if he is most definitely one of the most insane people you've met, he's possibly also one of the most interesting ones.

He's told you about the times he was in Heaven, before God died – turned out, he too knew about it – where he'd just chill and get drunk like he once did with the angel of wine himself. "It's a beautiful place. Heaven is like what would've happened if the sun and the planet Uranus had a baby, except not at all because planets don't have genitals so we will never know what a child of theirs will look like." Honestly, Schlatt is the embodiment of everybody's intrusive thoughts that they don't dare to say out loud. "I once drank wine there that tasted like cum. It was one of the craziest shit I ever drank and I'm pretty sure I got very horny afterwards. That was when I inspired God to create a horse with a horn. The unihorny. Because the horn was his penis. But he messed up while created it and suddenly it just became boring and family-friendly."

"I'm convinced you're some kind of a failed social experiment."

You can catch Quackity's weird eyes staring at you once Schlatt starts telling you how he once had sex with God in honestly disgusting detail, at which you really start wondering whether you should just allow Philza to kill you right there. Niki too raises her eyebrow, probably wondering why you'd hang out with such a talkative satyr instead of her. Wilbur's been standing in the corner the entire time, next to Fundy and Sally, constantly staring at you and not even trying to hide it, whilst Sally is making sure Fundy's suit looks nice, while you're just distracted by hers, since she's only been wearing dresses at the times you saw her.