Awa'altu High: ATWOW highschool au!!

Ao'nung

Neteyam calmly stood and headed for the exit of the lunchroom. Ao'nung felt frustration gnawing at his stomach. He was so calm. How could he be so calm? Why wasn't his world completely thrown out of balance, in the way that Ao'nung's was? He heard Kiri and Lo'ak mutter something to each other and watched Lo'ak go after his brother. Ao'nung didn't know why he needed to. Neteyam was clearly unbothered by this. He probably was going back to the library, to read more of his stupid book, to discuss it with his stupid sister, like the perfect big brother he was. Ao'nung scoffed to himself and put his headphones on, not feeling like conversing with anyone at the table but not wanting to be completely alone, either. He didn't even play music. He just stared at his phone, pretending like he was busy. He heard his sister whisper softly to Rotxo. He knew what she would be saying. Ao'nung let his hair down, combing the tangles out with his fingers, before putting it back up, much neater than before. He was embarrassed that he ran from Neteyam in the library. Embarrassed that his first instinct when feeling the emotions he now felt was to go and fight his friend. Embarrassed that the memory of Neteyam's eyes, so soft and gentle, was burned into his brain like a white-hot brand. He had been looking at him in the same way before he left the table. Neteyam, with his strong shoulders and long eyelashes. Neteyam, with his easy smile and his graceful fingers and a face like a stone sculpture, staring at him like Ao'nung meant the world to him. Like he understood him. But, Ao'nung knew he did not, not really. Neteyam wasn't ashamed of who he was. Neteyam didn't feel the need to prove himself as the strongest or the toughest in any room, like Ao'nung did. Neteyam was comfortable with who he was, with loving who he was. With loving who he loved, as well. Ao'nung felt his stomach turn at the thought of the people around him knowing who he truly was. The thought of his father knowing. Of his mother. Of his teammates. He could never be that person. He was angry at himself for allowing Neteyam to get so close, for not backing away the second his knees brushed Neteyam's legs. That was too much. That was too close. Any closer and he would not have been able to stop himself, and his years of fear and frustration would all be for nothing.

Ao'nung decided he had to go home immediately. Rotxo would give Reya a ride home. He knew he didn't even have to ask him to. Ao'nung left the school after the lunch bell rang. The second he shut his car door behind him, he put his head in his hands and screamed in frustration. No one was around to hear him, to ask him why. He let himself scream until his head felt a bit clearer, then started his car and headed home. The song Neteyam had played when they went to Panera came on shuffle. Ao'nung quickly unplugged his phone from the aux cord, feeling his chest grow warm at the memories that played in his mind. He knew what he was now. There was no more denying it, at least not to himself. He couldn't blame how fast his heart had beat when Neteyam stood over him on how much he was working out at the time, like he had with poor Ninat. He couldn't blame his disinterest in Kiri on respecting his friend now that he had been close enough to see the individual eyelashes on Neteyam's eyelids, now that he had been close enough to see the small scar on his bottom lip. How did he get that scar? Ao'nung had wanted to ask. He couldn't. Admitting out loud that he had gazed at Neteyam's mouth that intensely would be far too humiliating. No, not humiliating. Far too personal? Far too intimate? Ao'nung winced at himself. Intimate was a very strong word. Way stronger, and much more meaningful, than Ao'nung would allow himself to use, despite how well it fit the situation.

Ao'nung pulled into his driveway and sat for a minute, staring off into space. He sat there for at least half an hour, until his mother tapped on his window with her fingernails, bringing him back down to earth with a flinch. She smiled at him. "You okay?" she mouthed. He felt a lump form in the back of his throat as he nodded unconvincingly. Her eyes softened and she opened his door, stepping closer to him and letting him lean his head on her stomach. He had forgotten she was on maternity leave from the hospital now. He hadn't anticipated anyone being home. He felt his lower lip tremble as she gasped softly. "Keiki a'u," she whispered, rubbing his back gently. "What happened?" Ao'nung shook his head, not rising from her belly. "Will you come inside?" she asked, lifting his head up with her palm gently. He nodded and rubbed his eyes with his fists, getting out of his truck and following her into the house.

His mother wrapped him in a blanket and sat him on the floor of her bedroom. She returned in a few minutes, holding a mug of warm green tea. She handed it to him gently, before joining him on the ground. She grunted in effort, holding her belly gently with one hand. Ao'nung instantly set his tea down beside him and got to his feet, scooping her up gently and setting her on her bed. She laughed as he reached for her body pillow. "Is everything okay? Should I call dad?" he asked nervously, looking deep into her face for any signs of discomfort. She grinned. "No, I'm fine. Thank you, child." he nodded, still worried that she was in pain. He sat on the edge of her bed, pulling the blanket she had given him around his shoulders and picking up his mug of tea. "Tell me what's wrong," she whispered, looking at him with concerned eyes. Ao'nung hesitated. In the past, there had been very few secrets between him and his mother. They were very close. Granted, their entire family was very close, but lately, with his father being harder on him about his future, his mother had become his confidant. "I don't know how to tell you this, mama," he whispered, looking away. "I don't know if I can. I don't think I can. I just-" he swallowed. "How- Mama, I really don't know where to even begin with this." Ronal smiled softly. "You can tell me anything. Chances are, I probably already know." He gave her a sideways glance. "I don't think you know this," he said doubtfully. "Try me," she whispered, adjusting herself around her body pillow. Ao'nung knew he was not ready to tell her. Confirming it out loud was too much. "I can't. I just-" he sighed. "I'm just learning more about myself. I know that is common as you get older. I just don't know myself as well as I thought." he paused. "Actually, no. I do know myself well. I just don't know how to fix how I am to the outside world, to match how I truly am." "Ao, look at me," his mother whispered. "I have known you longer than this Earth has. I need you to know that, assuming we are thinking of the same thing, that I have observed you grow, and change, and figure out who you are as a person." she paused. "I like to think I know you fairly well. I know what you are like when you are happy, and sad, and nervous. I know how you acted at the fire with our new friends, how lost and alone you seemed, despite your friends and family being around you. That was, until you came back from your walk with that boy." Ao'nung blinked. "I haven't seen you smile like that in a while. I missed seeing you smile so big. I'm not going to pry, and I'm not asking you to tell me details. I am just happy that you are starting to admit to yourself who you are." He turned to look at his mother, eyes wide. "Who do you think I am?" he asked, voice barely above a whisper. "I think you are someone who has denied yourself joy for a long time, in many ways. I wish I knew why you feel the need to do that. I wish I could take that part of you away. But, I think you are starting to realize how unnecessary it is." Ao'nung took a deep breath, looking down at the mug in his hands. His tea had gone cold. "I don't- it's a lot for me. Today, in the library- I had to pull myself back. From all of that. And I ran from him, and I felt angry at myself for feeling what I did. All of it. I feel like my mind is betraying me." Ronal laid her hand on his knee gently. "I don't know how papa would-" Ronal exhaled through her teeth. "Do not fear your father, keiki. He lives in fear of me." She said this sarcastically, but Ao'nung was aware of the secret truth of her statement. He scoffed quietly, rubbing his face with his hand. "Take your time, sweet boy. Learning oneself is a journey, not a race." Ao'nung smiled and set his mug down on the floor, before laying down beside his mother and letting her run her hands through his tangled hair.

Neteyam Sully:

(Neteyam) Tuk said she didn't see you today
(Neteyam) I'm sorry. Hope everything is okay. I took notes in econ for you

(ao) 👍

—-------

Reya:

(reya) life 360 says ur home
(reya) why did u go home

(ao) my stomach hurt

(reya) liar!!!!!!!!