As embarrassing as it was to admit, Ninat had subconsciously structured her life around avoiding Ao'nung Kogoya. She worked all the way across town from where she knew he lived. She took classes she knew he would have no interest in. And, she had made sure not to associate with any of their friends. When Ao'nung walked into her store, she felt disgusted. Not at him, but at herself, for instantly noticing him. Noticing that because of the way his hair had slipped out of it's knot, he had rolled down his truck's windows on the way there. She knew he had shaved before coming. She noticed that he pierced his ears since she had last seen him. She recognized these details because of the years she had spent memorizing him, from the top of his head to the shoes he wore.
Tsireya and Serena had been her childhood best friends. As the rift torn between the three of them grew, Ninat found herself clinging to Tsireya like her life depended on it. Not because she particularly adored her, but because she adored her older brother. She always had, since the fourth grade. She had her chance with him last summer. What she thought was going to be the happiness she always wanted was quickly revealed to be one big humiliation, and since then, she had mastered the art of staying as far away from him as possible. When he had entered her shop, and hit his head on the low doorway, she had recognized his voice before she saw his face. Her head had shot up like an idiot. She had almost waved at him, before she saw one of Kiri's brothers call him over. Her heart had sunk upon realizing that he was not there to see her; rather he was there for them.
She watched the three of them talking and laughing. She saw Ao'nung run his hand through his hair and look at the older of the two brothers - Neteyam. She saw him look at Ao'nung with wide, sparkling eyes. Neteyam went back to browsing the plants. Ao'nung didn't take his eyes off him. Lo'ak asked him something. Ninat didn't see him respond until Lo'ak lightly tapped his arm. Lo'ak grinned and ran off, leaving the two older boys alone. Ninat craned her neck to keep an eye on Ao'nung. He was standing next to Neteyam. Their shoulders touched lightly. Neteyam whispered something to him and he smiled. He really, really smiled. Smiled so wide his eyes nearly vanished. Ninat felt something settle in her stomach. Had he ever smiled at her like that? She knew the answer.
The three of them made their way to checkout. Lo'ak was clutching a bouquet of hibiscus flowers and grinning. Ao'nung was holding two potted orchids under each arm. Ninat was aware of how hard he was trying not to look at her. Ninat found it difficult to keep her customer service smile plastered across her face. "Finally ready," Neteyam laughed, moving out of the way for Ao'nung to put his flowers down on the counter. She gave him a half smile. "Ao'nung, do you know Ninat? She's one of Kiri's friends." Ninat's breath caught in her throat. Ao'nung laughed nervously, a familiar sound. "Uh, n-no, I don't think I do." Ninat stared at him in disbelief. He glanced up at her guiltily before returning his gaze to the ground. "My name is Ao'nung," he muttered. He had the nerve to wave at her. She gritted her teeth. "Nice to meet you, I guess," Ninat mumbled, scanning the barcodes on their flowers. If Neteyam noticed the tension, he didn't acknowledge it. "You should come to one of our hangouts, Ninat," he said. She could hear the smile in his voice.
"Have a good day," she called after them. Ao'nung turned to look at her before he stepped outside. He was carrying several plants. He gave her a sad smile before leaving. As soon as the door shut behind them, Ninat rubbed her face with her hands and screamed. The absolute nerve of that boy was insane. How could he be so cold? Sure, they had agreed to never talk about how bad their time together had ended up going. But completely pretending not to know her? Going as far as to introduce himself to her, as if it was the first time meeting, as if they hadn't grown up with each other? Ninat stared out the windows as Ao'nung loaded the plants into the back of Neteyam's Subaru. He was smiling again. She clenched her jaw in frustration. Ao'nung stood beside Neteyam's drivers-side window, hands in his pockets. "What an asshole," she whispered out loud. Ao'nung suddenly turned and went to his own truck, looking back over his shoulder as Neteyam reversed his car and left.
Ninat had gone to the back to decompress. She was drinking her water and taking deep breaths when the bell rang again, followed by another soft whisper of a curse word. Ninat quickly poked her head out to see what was going on. Ao'nung stood in the doorway, again, but this time looking directly at her. She awkwardly stepped out and went to the counter, fidgeting with her hands. "Can I help you?" she asked, smiling professionally. He scoffed. "Really?" "What do you mean, really?" she laughed sarcastically. "Oh, that's right! I don't even know you, right? I'm sorry, what did you say your name was again?" He sighed. "Oh, be quiet, I didn't-" "Didn't what, Ao'nung? Didn't remember me? I do not believe that. Not for a second." Ao'nung blinked at her in disbelief. "You done?" "Yes, I'm done," she hissed, rubbing her eyes. "Okay. Ninat, I'm sorry. I don't-" He paused. "You and I would never work. And it's not because of you. It's because of me. Because of how I am. I have wanted to apologize to you since the moment you left my house all that time ago and I have wished so, so badly that I had-" he took a deep breath. "I wish I could have given you what you... wanted. But I couldn't. Can't. I still can't." He looked at her with nervous eyes. "I know why now," he muttered, blinking rapidly. "I know why. I can't tell you, but I know." Ninat stared at him blankly. "I don't know what you mean," she said bluntly. He groaned. "I know you don't, and I'm sorry for that as well. I just can't-" "You can't tell me, I got it," Ninat finished, folding her arms across her chest. She felt a pang of guilt at the hurt expression on his face. She wished he was a crueler person. She wished he was easier to hate. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I know that," she said, face softening slightly. "It's not your fault. It's never been your fault." "I don't believe that." "You have to." "I don't have to do anything." A small smile tugged at the corners of Ao'nung's lips. "Tsireya misses you," he whispered. "And Mama had her baby." He turned to leave. "And Neteyam was right," he added, pausing. "You should come to our hangouts. At least once." She shrugged. "I might. But because Neteyam asked me. Not because you did."
He smiled again and nodded, shutting the door behind him. A small smile. Not like the one he had given Neteyam. Not even close.
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ninat <3
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