The Monster's Stratagem (Lesbian Story)

10: The Coward

The Venturers track was perhaps the only place Dawn could go where she wasn't asked questions. She spent almost every day there, building herself back up to how she was before the fateful encounter, building herself stronger. The Venturer didn't just stick to running, in her spare time she would practise her knife throwing, her punches, any form of violence that wasn't directed at herself. It was the only way she could think clearly. It was the only way she could keep the memories at bay, and the terror that came with them.

It's over, she kept reminding herself, I'm out. This is ridiculous, get a fucking grip.

The memories were never out of her mind for too long, and Dawn wasn't much good at physical violence. Her area of expertise more relied on the mental aspect of it. Still, she practised as the weeks passed, determined to be better than she was. Determined to not be petrified of the approaching Venture Day.

Alani, Rose, and Freya had all suggested that she should skip it and recover. The witch had even offered to convince the Leader to provide them with a bit more money to cover the next month, and the Watchers had offered to pick up more shifts. Dawn hated that she was considering it. She was an utter coward. For years she had been a Venturer, and getting captured once was enough for her to want to quit. How pathetic.

The sleepless nights were starting to get to her. Dawn couldn't remember the last restful night she had, and the dark circles under her eyes grew by the day. Perhaps she should ask Alani and see if she had any sedatives. At this stage, the Venturer would take anything to feel normal again. Currently, Dawn felt as though she was split in two; one comfortable foot in Kings Grave, and the other precariously chained to Zyire. Dawn still felt as though she was bound in chains, tossed in a cold cell to await her horrific fate.

Yes, she needed sedatives.

"Alani! Are you there?" Dawn knocked on the door, relieved to see that it opened not long after.

"What's wrong with you now?" The witch motioned for her to come inside, raising an eyebrow as she leaned against her table.

"Do you have anything to help me sleep?"

"You're struggling to sleep?" Alani gazed at her, piercing eyes locking on her dark circles and slouched posture.

Dawn reluctantly nodded, not liking to admit that fact.

"For how long?"

"Since I came back." Dawn replied, looking at her hands and still seeing the faint bruises that encircled her wrists. "So, almost a month."

"What is keeping you awake?" The witch began searching through her many shelves and cupboards, hands reaching for jars and then tossing them aside.

"The memories." This was the first time she had admitted it out loud, and she didn't like the feeling that came with it. It felt as though the kingdom could hear her, knowing it had power over her still. "It's all I can think about."

Alani glanced at her from the corner of her eye, shaking her head. "You went through something most don't walk away from, lass."

"But it's over now, I should be better than this."

"Don't be ridiculous. Why should you?" Shaking her head again, Dawn could hear the disapproval in her tone. "Let yourself feel, rather than push it down like you usually do."

"I don't see how that will help me." Dawn was being stubborn and she knew it, but she couldn't stop.

"For someone gifted with intelligence, you're quite stupid." Alani had found what she was searching for, pulling out a jar from her cupboard and handing it to the Venturer. "Don't take my advice then. Let the memories haunt you, let Zyire keep you bound to it forever. Put a single spoon of this in water."