Be My Girlfriend

43

Jo's P.O.V.

Every time Brittany will say those words, my heart is getting full.

I love her too, but there's this thing that is stopping me to tell her so. It was like a force from inside me and preventing me from saying it.

I watched her eat everything that was on the table. 

I never thought Brittany Anderson would enjoy simple fast food.

"You're right, these are yummy!" She said with her mouth still full.

I chuckled at her, pizza grease was very visible from her lips.

After a while and when everything was finished, Brittany called on me.

"Jo?"

"Yeah?"

She was staring at me intently, her electric blue eyes were very serious.

"I'm sorry." She said sincerely.

"For what?" I asked confused.

"You were crying this morning and I didn't know what I did but I want you to know that I am very sorry." 

I was taken aback by what she said.

I had completely forgotten about that and Hailey, but apparently, it was bothering her and it actually warms my heart.

She didn't know what she did but still felt sorry because she thought she hurt me. 

"How could you be sorry if you didn't know what you did, I mean, you didn't even know if it was you who hurt me." 

"Even if it was not me, I'm still sorry. Though I wish, you came to me and not to Rachel." 

By the mention of Rachel's name, I saw her jaw clenched. I know how jealous she is when it comes to Rachel, I can't imagine what she felt when she saw me with her this morning.

Probably the same feeling you felt when you saw her with Hailey. Said the small voice inside me.

"It was Hailey." I said looking down the table. 

"What do you mean?"

My head was still down, not sure how to start.

"Jo?" I felt her elbow leaning against the table, her hands reaching for mine.

I lift my face up meeting her electric blue ones. She looked confused and worried at the same time.

"I just..." I was about to look down again but her fingers lifted my chin up.

I sighed deeply before speaking again.

"I saw how you were with her this morning... You were with me but your full attention was with her. You didn't even notice when I left the room. It was like, I was out of place and it hurt me. Was it her that you were with last night?"

Her eyes softened when she saw my teary eyes. I tried to stop myself but I was feeling emotional.

The place was packed with people and was loud but it seemed like it was just us and we were not hearing the loud voices in the background. 

Brittany became silent and she seemed battling inside on whether to speak or not.

"You don't have to tell me anything, Brit... I just..." I was not able to finish what I wanted to say when she stood up and pulled me out of the fast food chain. She was gentle but I could feel the tension from her grip.

We started walking back to my house while her hands intertwined with mine.

"Hailey... She's my first love." She said after a while.

Hearing that, my feet stopped walking, like they had their own minds and what I heard was like a  punch in my gut.

Brittany did not pull me nor force me to walk again. She just stood there without letting go of my hand, letting me absorb what she just said.

I sighed deeply before I continued my step but didn't say anything. She took that as a cue to continue.

"We were 14, she was my first girlfriend and my best friend at the same time. She... She knows all about me and my dysfunctional family, Jo. We are rich alright, but we're not perfect, my parents were always abroad and I was always alone in the house, I have a brother but we're not close, it was just the maids who were always with me and then... Hailey came along. She became my leaning shoulder and I loved her, but then after a year, her parents migrated to another country and she had no choice but to go with them."

She paused for a few seconds before continuing her story.

"We kept in touch for about 6 months after she left but then she became busy and had new friends and maybe girlfriends or boyfriends, I don't know. Anyways, the texts, the Facetime, started fading away. I was hurt but couldn't do anything about it. So I moved on but I never forgot about her. Then last night, I received a text from her saying that she was in town and wanted to meet. We met and had dinner..." She looked at my side for a second.

"I will admit, Jo, I got so excited to see her, we did a lot of catching up and before we knew it, it was very late. I drove her to their house and went back to mine." She looked at my side again, but this time, she held her gaze.

"I was still excited about her coming to school with us this morning, the last night catch-up seemed to be not enough that we still continue it today. I'm really, really sorry, Jo. It was never my intention to ignore you and for you to feel out of place."

We fell silent. 

I was still absorbing everything she said and she's probably waiting for my reaction.

But, how am I supposed to feel about that?

We're not really girlfriends, it was an agreement between the two of us. Do I have the right to react to that?

I have fallen in love with her but I cannot tell her that, I need to protect myself even from her.

Her first love came and she had already forgotten about me even though she said she loved me, twice. What more if Hailey wants her back?

Thinking about that, a million knives seemed to stab me in my chest. The heaviness is so unbearable that my eyes are breaming with tears. Thank god it was a bit dark here, otherwise she'll see them.

I tried to calm myself, pull myself together before speaking, making sure my voice wouldn't crack.

"It's umm... It's okay, I'm probably overreacting anyway." I faked a laugh.

"Jo?"

"It's fine, Brit, really. I think, I'm getting my period or something, hence my hormones are shooting up, but it's fine, I'm fine now." I joked with her, still faking my laugh.

We reached my house, where her car was parked in front. We stood in front of it and had no plan of inviting her inside again. I want her to go as I want to cry my heart out.

"So, I'll see you tomorrow?" I told her, obviously shooing her away.

"Umm, yeah, sure. I'll pick you up, okay?" I know she was hesitant to leave but didn't want to push her way.

Her kiss that was intended for my lips landed on my cheek as I tilted my head a little bit subtly avoiding it.

If she suspects anything, I didn't see it on her face as I turned my back immediately. And as soon as I did, my tears rolled down my cheeks.

I love you, Brittany.

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