Forever The Name On My Lips

twenty-five.

twenty-five. conversations with the undead

"Well that turned out to be a massive disappointment," Kol said as he fell back on your bed, arms stretched out. The others had all picked a room and retired for the night probably still reeling from the turn of events, but Kol had followed you first. Klaus had tried but Esther had held him back, telling him she wanted to talk to him.

You rolled your eyes as you pushed him to move, sitting down beside him. You were worried about leaving Niklaus alone with Esther, but even if you had stayed, you knew there would be nothing you could do against her magic. "He's still your brother," you reminded him. "You could be a little less disappointed that your mother didn't kill him."

"Why?" Kol asked. "He's a git and he deserves it for all the shit he's done."

"Your hands aren't clean either, Kol," you said.

He looked at you seriously. "How can you still defend him? He locked Finn away for 900 years. He and Elijah betrayed me and daggered me in New Orleans. He compelled you to forget us and abandoned you. The list goes on and on."

You sighed and leaned back against your headboard. "I love him," you said.

"Even still?" he asked.

"Yes," you said truthfully. "He's done some awful things, to all of us. But you don't know him like I do."

"You know why that is," Kol said.

"I know," you told him. Kol had always been the odd one out in the family. As the only one to unlock his magical potential, he had lost something the others hadn't when they turned. And it took a toll on him, one his siblings could not help him bear because they didn't understand.

"So," he said jovially. "Tell me everything I've missed since I was locked away in my prison."

"Please stop with the drama," you joked. Your face turned serious as you remembered just how he had been locked away. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For not fighting harder for you," you said.

He was quiet for a moment as he realized what you meant. The night they had daggered him, you had led him to the room, unknowingly sending him to his coffin. You had pleaded with Elijah, begging him to spare Kol, but in the end, your pleas fell on deaf ears. But it would never have come to that if you had seen sooner how Kol felt in the first place. He was happy to an extent in New Orleans, happier than he had been for a long time. He had the New Orleans witches to keep him company and for the first time ever, he had confessed to feeling the kinship with Niklaus and Elijah he had always felt he had been denied. But Marcellus joining the family had changed that. You weren't sure when Kol started feeling like an outsider again, but if you had realized it sooner, maybe you could have curbed his more...impulsive tendencies that led to him being daggered for over a century.

"I never blamed you, you know," he said finally. "None of us did. Niklaus was always going to do what Niklaus wanted."

"But if I had..."

"Don't," he cut you off. "I don't want to talk about it. I've spent the last century in a box. Don't be such a bore, Y/N. I just want to hear what I missed."

"We spent some time in New Orleans after," you said after a moment. "But Mikael found us. He killed Marcellus."

"I'm sorry," Kol said. "I know I never warmed to him as the rest of you did, but I know what he meant to you."

"He was so intertwined with our family," you said. "When Nik compelled me to forget everything about the Mikaelsons, I forgot him too. When I remembered finally, it was like I lost him again, like I lost you all again."