So We Had an Affair: A Confessional

Where It All Began

I remember being excited to make this video to support #Ham4Ham. Now I felt my stomach aching. The director had done plenty of videos with me before so I knew it was going to be great regardless. We had already started working on the choreography ahead of meeting the whole original cast because they wouldn't be doing much. Today was the start of working with the full crew. Those of us who were traveling were posted up in the same hotel. Thankfully, the director had decided we would just have dinner before we actually began working so I had a lot of time before having to deal with anyone. I was nervous to see Lin again. It had been three weeks since the incident at the Miranda residence. Lin did try to reach out to me several times but I ignored them and prayed they weren't business calls.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Kendall asked me for what felt like the fiftieth time.

"Yes, I'm sure." I unpacked my suitcases that he had brought in. No, I'm not.

"We can still cancel." Candace hugged me.

"You guys, it'll be fine," I tried to assure them even though I didn't believe it myself. I picked up a boarding pass that was tucked into one of my bags. "Wait, who's going on a cruise?"

"That would be me!" Candace squealed. "I'm going on a cruise with my sisters so I have to get going."

"Have fun!" I hugged her goodbye and she left soon after. I sighed of relief. A moment of peace before the storm.

"I know Candace would make a bigger deal if she could stay but she has a ship to catch." Kendall said assuring me, "Listen, if you ever need to unload, I'm your right hand for the next couple of weeks. Okay?" I nodded and smiled at him. My assistants are the best.

"It's not too bad, I get to hang out in this awesome hotel today. Did you see the inclusive package we got? Uh, hello full spa!" I forced a happy smile. "Don't hang around me all day, Kendall. Enjoy this hotel and let's meet up again when it's time for dinner. That's an order!"

"Uh but..." Kendall protested.

"Go on," I pushed him out the door then ran to my bed. Now to think about nothing. I thought as Lin's beautiful brown eyes haunted my drooping lids.

...

The whole experience of our initial meeting was embarrassing as I was barely able to carry a conversation or sing along to the music playing in the car. Later that same week, I got a knock on my door from my surprise guest.

"Lin?" I gasped. His smile made me melt.

"Hey, Y/N, you seemed really out of sorts when we first met so I thought we could go to lunch?" LIN WANTS TO TAKE ME TO LUNCH?! LIN WANTS TO TAKE ME TO LUNCH! Breathe, Y/N, BREATHE! Be cool. Be. Cool.

"Uh, okay?" I smiled. Why do I sound so unsure? I want to go out on a lunch date with Lin Manuel Miranda!

"Well, if you don't want to..."

"No, I do," I said quickly then tried to be smooth, "I just have to get ready. Uh, where did you have in mind?"

...

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

"Whaa-" I woke up disoriented with drool streaming down my face. "Coming! Coming!" I said tumbling off the bed, wiping my face, and stumbling to the door. I threw it open without checking who was at the door.

"Hey, Y/N... Oh, you were asleep! My bad!" Lin chuckled. I jumped, startled at the sight of him.

"What're you doing here?!"

"The whole crew is at this hotel." He answered like I was stupid. I'm not stupid. "I wanted to check on you. You left so quickly the last time I saw you... You didn't answer any of my calls... I wanted to know why..." I was stunned watching the beautiful Puerto Rican stumble over his words. I didn't know what to say. I was in shock until Vanessa's angry face flashed in my mind.

"I'm sorry," I felt my eyes well up with tears, "You need to go." I slammed the door shut in his face. Ugh, I am going to hate this dinner...

Lin's POV

Seeing Y/N's face lifted my heart from the grave it had fallen into these past couple weeks. When the door slammed in my face, I felt my heart hit the floor and shatter into a million pieces. My mind was plagued with questions. Why didn't she want to see me anymore? Was it something I had done? It was me she was avoiding, right? She walked out of my life and somehow through it all she is stuck in my brain. She stopped talking to me. She ignored my calls and now she slammed a door in my face. It made me want to be near her. But for some reason, she wanted nothing to do with me...