So We Had an Affair: A Confessional

Week 12

"You had them sign the confidentiality agreements?"

"Yes, Y/N."

"Did they read them? They know this isn't a joke? I will end their practice if there's a leak."

"Y/N," Lin kissed my nose, "Stop."

"Stop what?"

"Worrying." Lin led me to the private car. "Everything is handled. You have an amazing team and set of friends who want what's best for you." I tried to calm down a little but I was nervous. It was the first clinic appointment that Lin would be going to. It was the same doctor but now there were contracts with everything. The stipulations were high but the last thing I needed was for the press to know that Lin was the father of my baby. All my movements had to be carefully planned. Lin, Kendall, Candace, and Anthony handled all of the logistics as well the execution. They claimed to be prepared for everything. Candace and Lin helped me into the car. Lin slid in beside me and put an arm around me. Candace held my hand as we made our way to the clinic. Kendall sat in the front giving directions

"What if the driver tells?"

"Covered." Lin kissed my forehead.

"What if someone sees me in the office?"

"At this hour? Psh, doubt it." Lin scoffed.

"People can be early to appointments."

"There's two hours before the office even opens. Besides, not all your appointments will require you to leave home. Dr. Etus agreed to do house calls when possible." Candace said.

"What if it's an employee?"

"The doctor has already spoken to her entire office. They understand. If Dr. Etus needs any help, she already agreed to run it by us for approval."

"What about pregnancy meds?"

"Y/N, Kendal and I already do your pharmacy runs. When is the last time you even bought your own deodorant?"

"...Good point..."

"Stop. Worrying." Candace warned with a squeeze of my hand.

"Okay, okay..." I felt myself start to tear up. Lin noticed immediately.

"Hey, we've got you. What's the matter?"

"I'm just really happy that's all." Lin smiled at me and started to lean in. I stopped him with hand and shook my head. He gave me a questioning look but pulled me into him a little more. I glanced at Candace who seemed to be trying to distract herself. Kendal wasn't paying attention at all. I settled back a little into Lin as we made our way to the clinic. When we got to the clinic, Anthony was already waiting for us. I was let out of the car with Candace. Anthony hugged me tightly.

"This feels different." He said softly.

"Very final?" I asked.

"Yeah..."

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't apologize. I like to think things could've been very different. Let's just make sure you are taken care of okay?" Anthony said and led me inside. Candace was already inside filling out the paperwork. Dr. Etus walked over and shook Anthony's hand then mine.

"I'm assuming you're the father?" Dr. Etus said with a smile.

"Actually, that would be me." Lin said as he entered. The doctor's eyes widened a little but she tried to keep smiling.

"Did you just wait outside, so you could make a dramatic entrance?" I asked Lin.

"No..." Lin came beside me. He looked at my hand that was still holding Anthony's then at Anthony. They had a silent conversation with their eyes. Dr. Etus cleared her throat.

"Despite the special conditions, I still can only allow the father of the child to come into the room." Dr. Etus said. Lin and Anthony looked at each other then Anthony let go of me. I looked over at Candace. She gave me a thumbs up. The doctor escorted me and Lin into another room. Lin helped me up on the examination bed. The doctor started asking questions about genetic testing and throwing around pregnancy jargon. I nodded but was completely lost. Lin looked over to me at one point and I pled with eyes.

"What's wrong?" Lin mouthed.

"I have no idea what's going on." I mouthed back. Lin held in a laugh and answered the doctor's questions. The appointment felt like it dragged on forever.

"I'll see you again when you reach 16 weeks. Please feel free to contact me if you should need anything. I left my direct line and personal cell with your assistants." Dr. Etus said with a smile. Lin and I thanked her then slipped out.

"Wow." Anthony said as I shared the ultrasound pictures.

"Yeah. As if it wasn't real before." I said to him. I felt my tears form. 'Lin is great. Really. I just think this would be easier with Anthony. I kinda wish this was Anthony's child.' We were quiet for a moment before Lin cleared his throat.

"Uh, we should probably start heading out before the employees arrive." Lin said. I nodded at him before turning back to Anthony.

"Take care of yourself and if you need anything at all, I'm only a moment away." Anthony said as he stroked my cheek. I nodded not trusting my voice. Anthony kissed my cheek then saw us off.

"So, are we not gonna talk about it?" Lin asked when we got back to my place.

"Talk about what?"

"The hand? How you stopped me from kissing you in the car?"

"Lin, just because Candace and Kendall know doesn't mean that we should make out in front of them or something."

"Oh, so you wanted to make out?" Lin wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and pulled me to him.

"No, Lin," I said while pushing out of his arms gently. I went into the living room and sat down, "I don't need them to see me in the act of Maria Reynold-ing." Lin joined me on the couch. He rubbed my arm.

"First of all, that's definitely not what 'Maria Reynold-ing' would entail but I can show you my definition." Lin kissed the side of my face then pulled back, "Are you embarrassed of me? Of this?" He gestured between us.

"No, I'm not embarrassed... It's just that..." I sighed struggling to the find the words, "I'm pregnant by a married man. That's not exactly a respectable thing and they're already having to deal with hiding my pregnancy, so I don't need them seeing you and I do things we shouldn't be doing. It'll make them uncomfortable."

"The only person who can feel uncomfortable is you."

"Lin,"

"Do you think their judging you? Is that it?"

"Anyone who knows is definitely judging me."

"It doesn't matter."

"It doesn't but it's still happens, and I still feel it."

"You shouldn't."

"Lin, I don't know what part of your brain is making you deaf. I'm. Pregnant. By you. You're married!"

"I get that. I love you and Vanessa."

"No, Lin, you don't."

"You can't tell me how I feel, Y/N."

"Yeah, but I can tell you who you're hurting."

"How many times do I have to tell you not to worry about Vanessa?!"

"She's your wife! How can I not?!"

"Do you want me to get a divorce?!"

"No! A little bit...but no!"

"Then can we please not talk about Vanessa right now?!"

"Fine." I rubbed my temples.

"Okay... One more thing: Vanessa wants you to come stay with us..." I turned and looked at Lin like he was insane. "You said you'd think about it."

"No, I don't want to."

"Y/N, please just try it first. Think of it as a vacation." A vacation in hell?!

"Fine. One month. That's it." Lin opened his mouth to argue but then closed it and hugged me instead. 'This is a bad idea, isn't it?'