Doctors Orders (Manxman)

Chapter 14

Tristan

After my little crying fest was over, I fell dead asleep. All that weeping had completely drained me. I slept like I had never slept before wrapped up in blankets. When I woke, it was already dark. My little room was pitch black with only a patch of starlight coming in through the small window.

The darkness was calming and I let myself relax and soak in the tranquillity. I could feel myself slipping into the same dark abyss of self loathing that I had spent most of my adolescence in. My sexual orientation had turned so many old friends against me. I was never a particularly popular guy in school but after I came out, I became the target of every bully. 

They would slam me into lockers, trip me, make obscene gestures at me or try to get me into trouble. There was never much physical violence but the words were more than enough. They made me feel like a piece of trash. And slowly but surely, I started to believe them. I started to feel as disgusting as they thought me to be. I was sure that I was abnormal, that there was something wrong with me. I even googled "how to turn yourself straight" and things like "why am I not attracted to girls."

The only people who still looked at me the same way was Beth and Damien. They were the ones who had helped me climb out of that dreadful abyss.

And now I was slipping back.

I couldn't even ask Damien for help this time. The poor guy had no idea what I was going through. He had no idea that I wanted to touch him so badly and just immerse myself in his warmth.

After lying there for about thirty more minutes, I decided that it was time to go down. I had been in here for hours. As a brother I had certain responsibilities and I was going to fulfil them. With a Herculean effort, I got out of bed and fixed up my appearance. It would be hell to explain to my mother why her son had a puffy face with tear stains on his cheeks.

The house was a flurry of activity as I went down. I spotted many of my distant relatives and shuddered. I wasn't very fond of them and neither were they of me. It was understandable though. I was the gay kid that everyone was ashamed of.

I avoided the sitting room altogether where they were and made my way to the backyard. I tried to look for my mother but she was nowhere to be found in this sea of people. It seemed as if everyone my family knew was here and this crowd was suffocating.

I hurried to the backyard in desperate need of some fresh air but I stopped in my tracks as I reached, my mouth hanging open. The scene before me was no less than a fairy tale. The yard had been completely transformed in preparation for the wedding.

Beautiful twinkling fairy lights hung from our porch to the fence. There were small little plants here and there which filled the hard with a beautiful smell. The grass had been mowed and cute white chairs were placed all over. There was a place for the musicians and a table for the cake, all decorated with beautiful flowers.

It took my breath away and I just stared. I couldn't believe that this was the same old yard where I used to play. Beth had wanted a fairy tale backyard wedding and she was definitely going to get one. This was some Cinderella level shit.

I stepped down on to the grass and made my way to one of the chairs. A faint music was playing and it was beautifully calming. I sat down and looked up to the lights above. They were surreal. They slightly fluttered in the wind and filled the atmosphere with a golden hue.

I forgot my troubles for awhile and just soaked in the happiness of the yard. All I could see in my mind was my little sister walking down the aisle in a beautiful dress with dad at her side. A twinge of sadness pierced my heart when I thought about a man whisking my sister away and I sighed. This was the bad part of being a brother. It was difficult to watch another man take her away. I was only thankful that the man taking her away was a worthy one.

A hand rested on my shoulder and I jumped. I looked up to see Damien standing there looking refreshed and well rested. He had changed out of his clothes and was wearing a simple t shirt with sweats. The tightness of the shirt made his lean muscles prominent and I swallowed, my throat suddenly dry. I quickly looked up and forced my eyes to stay on his face.

He smiled. It was a smile that could outshine the Sun. And it was directed at me. My insides melted but I forced my face to remain normal. I shifted so that he could sit.

"Hey there Tris. Sorry for ditching you earlier. I had to go and meet my mother or else she would roast me," he said while nudging me. I gave him a shove in return and he chuckled.

Wow he smells so good, my inner voice pointed out.

Shut up! I scolded myself. But he did smell really good. It wasn't that he was wearing any expensive cologne. It was a warm, musky smell that made my insides tingle.

"Gosh it's so beautiful here. Our little sister is finally going to get her dream wedding," he exclaimed. I smiled at the 'our'. Damien was like a second son to my mother and the mature elder brother to Beth that I couldn't be. He truly was a blessing.

"Yeah," I said while putting my head on his shoulder. "Its still sad though. She is officially going to be someone's wife."

He put his arm around me and pulled  me a bit closer to him. It made my heart beat like crazy. I took complete advantage of the opportunity and snuggled into his hard chest.

"That it is. But hoesntly I pity the guy. Beth is going to be one hell of a badass wife. Do you remember the time she chased us around with a stick because we ruined her shoes? Your sister is damn scary," Damien said in a solemn voice. I laughed. She truly was and I admired her for not taking shit from anyone. I only wished that I could be like her.

The golden lights reflected off Damien's hair and made it shine like an angels halo. He looked down at me and was about to say something when he abruptly stopped.

He reached out and cupped my cheeks, a frown marring his aquiline features. "Tris," he said in a voice so soft that I had trouble hearing it. "Have you been crying?"