Breaking free (GxG)

Chapter 1 - Fresh start

"The first question I would like to ask you is, why are you here?", Dr Divetto asked in a soothing tone.

"I tried to kill myself", I answered blankly as I gathered my natural wavy brown hair in a high messy bun.

"And how do you feel about that?", she asked softly.

"About the fact that I tried to kill myself or the fact that it actually didn't work?", I asked back.

"Whatever you want."

"I'm tired", I simply said.

"Of what?", she asked leaning back in her armchair.

"Of life", I said shrugging.

"What does life represent for you?", she asked while raising her eyebrows in curiosity.

"Pain, futility, chaos."

"Mmh. Since this is our first session together, I would like to make a little exercise with you. You're gonna take a seat at the desk over there and you're gonna draw me your life. You will use a different sheet of paper for each part that have to draw. There is no mistake, no wrong pick of color, no pressure. Just express yourself", she explained composedly.

I didn't question her method, I just nodded and went to take a seat in front of the stack of paper. I started with Justin. I was far from being an artist but I still tried to represent my bruised body. I tried to draw a camera, a bed, I wrote down some words in a speech bubble that I attached to his character. I tried to represent his double personality by coloring one half of his body in black and leaving the other white.

Once I felt the Justin part was done, I started school. I did my cheerleading uniform proudly but didn't really care about the rest. Next came my mom, and to finish my loneliness.

I collected all my papers and handed them to Dr Divetto before taking a seat on the couch. She analyzed them quietly, not displaying a single emotion.

"I see you put a lot of effort into it", she smiled in satisfaction.

"Wasn't that the point?", I asked sternly.

"No, the point was to make you sort out the different aspects we will need to work on together. Could you try to name them, those aspects?", she asked and brought her attention back to my drawings.

"Family, romantic relationships, emancipation", I listed a bit hesitantly.

"This is a good start", she nodded.

"Will I have to tell you everything about those aspects?", I asked frowning.

"This is the purpose of our meetings. To help you open up, to allow you to put your trust into someone and to solve everything that causes you trouble", she explained calmly.

"I've never done that", I confessed.

"Why?", she asked frowning.

"Because I'm fucked up and cold hearted. I don't trust people", I said irritatingly.

"And do people trust you?", she asked softly.

"What people? The ones who stab me in the back or the ones who abuse me?", I asked unctuously.

"If you consider yourself as a trustworthy person was my question", she corrected herself.

"I would never betray someone I love. But I don't have anyone to love."

"Why don't we start by that at our next session?", she offered as she stood up.

"Alright, see you next week then", I ignored her extended hand as I spun around to leave.