Breaking free (GxG)

Chapter 4 - Unknown territory

"Well, you have progressed more than expected concerning both your relationship with your mother and your troubles with Justin. The past two weeks have been really productive", Dr Divetto said in proud tone.

"We'll see how it goes in the future but yeah", I said with a nod.

"Are you feeling confident?", she asked softly.

"About my mom, yes. Now that I'm kind of grown up I think I can make the effort of traveling around to go see her instead of always waiting after her. I noticed how happy she was to spend time with me, now it's up to both of us to maintain that. We text and call each other and we plan our next big meeting in September very carefully."

"Do you feel ready to be mediatized? Because spending more time with your mother will clearly expose you", she asked.

"The media and the public already know about me. We've never hidden it. They just leave me alone", I shrugged.

"You look pretty comfortable with you and your mother's popularity."

"This is who I am and where I come from. I have to embrace it and be proud of it", I said and smiled warmly at her.

"Great. It's progressing", she said chuckling and glanced above my head to check the time.

"Do we still have some more minutes? There's something I'd like to address", I blurted out and gulped as I felt myself growing nervous.

"Sure, I'm all ears", she said as she grabbed her notepad.

"Hum... Okay, so... I kind of find myself developing unexpected but extremely pleasant feelings for Taylor. Like, feelings of romantic nature", I said uneasily.

"Can you say that again?", she asked frowning.

"I'm developing romantic feelings for Taylor", I repeated more clearly.

"That's much better. Why did you hesitate on your first try?"

"Probably because I don't know what to do with all these new things erupting inside of me. Also, I know the feelings are reciprocal which scares the living shit out of me", I rattled out panickingly.

"How do you know it's mutual?", she asked raising her eyebrows.

"She told me", I blurted out.

"And did you tell her where you were standing?"

"Yeah, otherwise she wouldn't have told me her side of things", I rolled my eyes in disbelief. Always prying things out of me that one.

"Tell me about your side of things", Dr Divetto requested and leaned her chin on her hand thanks to her armrest.

"I've known her for only a month but it feels like a year. And in just a month she managed to bring more happiness than what I felt in my whole life. I can't explain how but I feel carefree around her. I allow myself to be flirty and spontaneous. I can tell her every crazy thought that crosses my mind and it feels so right and liberating."

"Then why does that scare you?", she asked, knitting her eyebrows in confusion.

"Because I'm walking on eggshells. I'm in an unknown territory. I've never been attached to anyone, I've never felt sexually attracted to anyone either, and I've certainly never been in love. The only reference I have is Justin."

"But this is not about Justin, this is about Taylor", she pointed out.

My mouth opened in an O shape as I finally realized. I couldn't take that little step forward with Taylor if I kept reminding myself of what my not-even-real relationship had been like. Justin was nothing but pain. Taylor was the real deal. She wouldn't hurt me or betray me. She was not him. She was different so I needed to treat her like it and act like it.