Reckless Fearless Careless | ✓

47-I Just Care Too Damn Much

Play 'My Boy' by Billie Eilish for this chapter
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Chapter 47: I Just Care Too Damn Much

It's pretty dark out by the time I reach River's house but it doesn't bother me. I walk up to his door with calm and confident strides, psyching myself up as I do.

I roll my shoulders a few times before knocking loudly and taking in his house once more. It's a reasonable size with clean, exposed brickwork and a dark stone tiled roof. The windows are spotless as they gleam in the moonlight, even the doorknob is sparkling — I remember River telling me that his family like to keep things clean and it also helps that this house is quite new, considering it's one of those new, modern builds that happens every so often.

After a few minutes the door is finally opened by a someone with a tall, built frame, dark, messy hair and even darker smouldering eyes, Levi — River's older brother. He has a cigarette sandwiched between his index and middle finger, the lit end giving his charcoal eyes a menacing glow.

I can feel my fingers quiver at the sight of it, wanting to snatch it out of his grasp for myself. I don't but it's very difficult.

His lips twitch into a sinister smirk as he looks at me, leaning against the tall doorframe, sending an involuntary shiver down my spine. I've only met him twice before but Levi has given me the creeps since I first laid eyes on him. Yes, he's ridiculously handsome but something about him makes my stomach twist and clench.

"To what do I owe the pleaser, Ari?" Levi drawls out, his eyes staring through my very being.

Although this guy makes me uncomfortable to an immeasurable extent, I refuse to be intimidated by him. If I can't get past him there's no way I'll have the courage to end things with River for good.

"Just wanted to see River," I state casually as I walk inside, my face impassive. There's a certain way to act around people like Levi and I think I've gotten the hang of it over the last few months. River took me to some pretty shady places so I had to learn to adapt pretty quick.

"Last I heard you two were fighting," he comments, puffing out a ring of smoke. I rub my thumb and index finger together behind my back in anticipation of grabbing a cigarette from the packet I spy on the counter. Levi sees me eyeing it and sighs before offering me one which I gladly accept.

They calm me down and I'm nervous beyond belief at the moment so I could really do with it. "When aren't we fighting," I reply with a shrug, taking a drag from the cigarette, my whole body relaxing in contentment.

Levi lets out a throaty chuckle as he begins to walk into another room. "He's in his room, good luck," he calls over his shoulder as he kicks the door shut behind him.

I finish my smoke and grab a piece of gum before going up to see River, using the time to ready myself for the argument ahead. Deep breaths, Ari. In and out. Breathe in and out.

I knock softly on his door and wait until I hear him say to come in before I do. I peep through the door and spy him sitting at his desk, typing away on his computer and hesitantly open the door the rest of the way, stepping fully inside and shutting the door behind me for privacy.

I've never met River's parents — he says they both work late all the time so I doubt they're home — but I don't want Levi to hear this either. "Hey," I say in a confident voice. I know if I start off sheepish I won't do it. I have to be confident or he will say something and I know I won't go through with this.

"Aurora?" River asks in a startled tone when he hears my voice, turning away from his computer and giving me his full attention. "To what do I owe the pleaser, babe?"