Perfectly Fake ~ Niall Horan Story

forty seven

N I A L L

She left.
She packed up and left despite Louis trying to persuade her to stay.
Everyone cried, especially me.
She won't talk to me and I don't blame her.

I know she's staying with Elio, Harry told me in order to reassure me that she's safe.
She won't answer my calls and even the boys are pissed at me, especially Louis.
I miss her so much.

I miss wrapping my arms around her small body and the way she blushes every time I compliment her.
I miss the smell of her rose and vanilla perfume, I miss making her laugh, I miss the way she scrunches her nose when she teases me.
I miss her smile, the warmest and brightest smile to ever exist.
I miss her voice, her accent as noticeable as my own.
I miss her crazy fashion choices, her baby hand earrings, her purple boots that she can't walk in.
I miss her.
I miss them.

It's been a week and I haven't been able to sleep as I replay my horrid words every night.
The words haunt me until I wake up breathless and reaching out for her but she's not there.
She's at Elio's apartment.

"Niall, we are going on," Liam says quickly and I'm immediately pulled from my thoughts and begin to walk onto the backstage platform.
Liam is trying to be the peacemaker in the situation and is attempting to settle the obvious tension but it's not working.
Zayn is quieter than usual, Harry feels sorry for me but misses Lilli a lot and Louis isn't even speaking to me.
I don't know if Louis is more annoyed about how I spoke to Harry or how I spoke to Lilli.
Probably both.

We have a London show tonight and as soon as we are propelled onto the stage I realise that my thoughts are not about this performance but are about Lilli instead.

I picture her tiny frame on Elio's couch, probably eating bubblegum ice-cream, her favourite.
I hope she's not crying.
Her crumpled face and trembling lip come back to me and I begin to feel a burning pain in my chest as if the memory is physically cutting into me.

I sing quietly, my voice is shaky and it's obvious to the audience that something isn't right.
Louis doesn't even come near me.

I manage to croak my way through "Little things" even though the last time I sang it I was teaching Lilli how to play the piano.
Her fingers grazing against my own, causing a tingling sensation of passion.
I picture her smile, her concentrated face as she focused on the keys of the piano.
Our legs touching as we both squeezed onto the small piano seat, our voices mixing together in harmony.

I hear "half a heart" beginning to play and my heart immediately drops.
This song scarily matches my situation and I see the boys glance awkwardly to each other.
I sit on the right side of the stage, swinging my legs on the small bench and staring into my lap in order to hold back my emotions.

I'm not going to be able to sing this song.

I look out into the audience and immediately regret it as I see a lot of posters with printed photos of Lilli and I's wedding on them.
There are so many photos of Lilli and I in the audience and I have to look away, biting my lip to conceal my emotion.

I take a deep breath as my solo is coming up but I see Zayn glance at me with concern.

'Forget all we said that night
No, it doesn't even matter
'Cause we both got split in two-'