Everything To Lose

Chapter 12

"What is it? What aren't you telling me?" Clarke asked suspiciously.

"They'll be here tomorrow evening" Raven said.

Clarke shot up from her seat on the couch.

"WHAT!" she exclaimed.

"It's alright, I'll help you set the place up. I've asked for a leave from work tomorrow. I'll be right here with you. We just need to clear out the guest room"

"Which is a day's job in itself Rae!"

"I know I know..."

"How are we going to have the whole place ready for her and Madi in time, plus I've got to take Aden to his karate classes and get him back in the afternoon, I'll need to pick up groceries for 2 more humans, and I'll need to have a nice dinner ready for them tomorrow..."

"Shhhhh" Raven stopped her. "I'm here. We'll divide and rule. We've got this. Okay? Trust me. Deep breaths.." she said as she stood up and held on tight to Clarke's shoulders.

"Deep breaths" she repeated.

"Deep breaths Lexa, deep breaths... breathe with me..." Anya whispered into Lexa's ear as she held her tight. They were on the kitchen floor now.

Just a few minutes earlier, Lexa had received a text from Raven saying "Talked to Clarke. All's good. Home will be ready for you when you guys arrive tomorrow."

And Lexa had smiled while reading it out loud to Anya who was sitting across from her on the dining table. She was still smiling to herself when she stood up to go keep her empty wine glass in the sink, when it hit her.

She was going to see Clarke tomorrow.

She stood still in place.

"Lexa?" came Anya's voice from behind her. "Are you okay?"

"We're going to see Clarke tomorrow." She repeated to herself.

Anya stood up and approached her carefully.

"Yes, that's the plan... you're okay with that right?" Anya tried to talk to her.

"We're going to see Clarke tomorrow." She said more softly now and then she turned around and looked at Anya.

"Clarke...we're going... I'm going to see her tomorrow...She..."

Anya saw it the moment panic reached Lexa's eyes. She quickly took the glass from her hand, kept it aside and reached out to Lexa, who backed up towards the kitchen island and then couldn't hold herself up anymore.

She kept mumbling the words to herself, really letting it sink in. She was going to come face to face with Clarke after 4 long painful years. The same Clarke she's never been able to stop loving, the same Clarke who cheated on her, the same Clarke who'd promised her a forever.

"Breathe with me Lexa..."Anya instructed, and Lexa realized it's been about 10 minutes they've been wrapped up like this on the kitchen floor. Her breathing had come back to normal, but the anxiousness was ever present.

"Listen to me, Lexa. You may hate Clarke..."

"I can't hate her" came Lexa's hasty reply, one that surprised Anya and herself too.

"Okay... you may not be ready to see her, but now is as good a time as any. It's been 4 years, it's time you two faced each other and at least talked it out. Give her a chance to explain herself. You don't need to forgive her, but you can at least try to be civil around each other."

"How do I explain all of this to Madi?"

"Madi doesn't need to know all of it yet. You can simply say you two used to be best friends. It is the best truth you can give her right now. She has no clue who Clarke is...was to you. Maybe someday you can tell her, but for now, this should be enough."