Everything To Lose

Chapter 22

About an hour later, the kids were tucked into bed, and Lexa had kissed Madi goodnight, making sure to frizzle up Aden's hair and wish him a goodnight as well before leaving the room.

She headed back to her own room, she could hear Clarke and Raven downstairs, they were probably sipping on some wine together, a ritual, Lexa had come to understand they practice quite regularly. She wondered if the wine helped Clarke sleep better. Especially if nightmares came to her most nights.

Lexa wanted to do everything to keep her mind off the fact that in another week it would be Clarke's birthday and she's right here. And she doesn't want to have to do anything about it. All she really wants to do is forget. And for that she needs her privacy and her bottle of vodka.

Lexa picked up the book she had been reading earlier when she fled to her room and kept it away on the mini bookshelf she's set up for herself here.

There was a knock on the door. Lexa turned around to find Abby standing there with a warm smile.

"Can I come in, kiddo?"

"Abby, yea, sure"

"Are you felling okay?" Abby asked.

"As okay as I can feel given that I'm back here now" Lexa said.

They sat down on the edge of the bed, sharing a comfortable silence.

"I wanted to apologize. On behalf of Clarke."

"Abby... You don't have to take responsibility for her mistakes..."

"I know I don't. But I never expected her to do such a thing, none of us did." Abby said.

"I don't want to talk about..." Lexa began to say.

"She came to my doorstep one day. Tears falling down her cheeks, her eyes puffy and red. She had her bags with her. Like she'd intended on staying over, long"

Lexa looked at Abby now, needing to hear her out.

"I didn't know anything, Lexa. This was about a month or so after you'd left and I'd only come to know when she told me that day"

"I'm sorry, I had to leave" Lexa said.

"Don't apologize from running far far away from home. You were cheated on. I understand why you did what you did"

Lexa nodded. "She told me what she'd done. She told me you left. And then she told me she was pregnant."

Lexa's hands were shaking. Abby reached out and held them both in her hand.

"Lexa, she cried so bitterly in my arms that night telling me how she wanted to abort the child if it was Bellamy's, but every bone in her body felt like she had finally conceived from all those trips to the clinic trying to have the baby you'll chose."

Lexa had tears falling endlessly. She wanted Abby to stop. None of this made sense in her head.

"I don't understand..." Lexa whispered.

"I convinced her to have the baby. Because something in the back of my mind told me that if you never came back, she would have lost herself. And if the slightest chance of feeling near to you would mean having that baby, even if there was a 50% chance he or she may not be yours, I wanted her to take that chance."

"Abby why are you here?! Why are you telling me this!" Lexa was angry. Hurt.

"Because Aden kept Clarke alive. She gave up alcohol, she started eating better, she started working out, she did yoga, and she cleaned up her act. She took on motherhood like a pro. Only because she could feel it in her entire being that this baby was the baby you were supposed to have together. She believed with all her heart she was having your baby. She stayed with me for those 9 months and I would hear her talk to her belly about you, I heard her telling stories at night, about how much you would love him when you came back...if you ever came back."