Everything To Lose

Chapter 24

Lexa woke up a little earlier the next day. She had set her alarm early so that she could catch Clarke at breakfast. She went downstairs just in time to find Clarke at the couch, tying up her shoe laces to go out for a run. As usual, breakfast was ready and set out for the rest of them whenever they were up. Lexa walked towards Clarke

"Clarke..."

Clarke looked up, startled for a moment at the voice. She then sat still, staring at Lexa before her.

Lexa couldn't help but notice how her gaze never changed. Clarke had love eyes for Lexa. All the time, even when she was angry, or like right now, trying not to show that she was supposed to be avoiding her at all costs.

"If you've got a minute, I wanted to talk to you about something..." Lexa waited.

"Yea sure..." Clarke stood up, so that she was now face to face with Lexa.

Lexa's eyes met blue, and it felt like coming home. But she couldn't let herself get distracted. She tried to focus her gaze on anything other part of her face than her eyes. That's when she realized, there was no part of Clarke's face that would not cause something to move in her.

So she decided to stare down at the ground.

"Aden came to my room last night..."

"I'm sorry, i told him that if he ever has a bad dream to come to me and not bother anyone else..." Clarke began to explain.

Lexa looked up at her then "no no, it's no bother. I mean he didn't come to me because of a bad dream, but even if he did, that would be fine with me... I mean, if that's fine with you first" Lexa said.

Lexa hated how careful they had started being around each other. But the situation called for it. She didn't want to overstep her role.

"I don't understand... why did he come to you then?" Clarke looked so confused.

"He asked me if I would come along with you two for his class open day. He said all the other kids bring two parents and his friends teased him the last time because he brought one..."

"Oh" Clarke said. And then she looked pensive.

Lexa felt the need to say more "I told him that while I would love to, he should ask you first if you're okay with it..."

"Yea, umm that's fine with me..." Clarke said, but she still looked deep in thought.

That's when Lexa realized what was probably going through Clarke's head.

"I talked to him Clarke. I told him that he shouldn't feel that he has anything less just because you're a single mom. I told him that his momma has all the strength in the world to make up for two parents. And he told me he already knows that. So no, don't you go thinking he thinks you're not enough. Aden looks up to you for being so great."

Clarke looked at Lexa and appreciated that she was actually trying to make her feel good. She did feel better after hearing what Lexa told Aden. She wondered though if Lexa believed it herself. It would mean more if she did.

"And if it helps, I think so too. I think you're really strong brining him up on your own these past few years. He's a wonderful, kind and smart kid."

This warmed Clarke's heart. She hadn't realized how much Lexa's approval meant to her until she received it.

Lexa had walked away now and was walking up to her room again, but she heard the sobs. She heard Clarke crying. And for the first time this month she allowed herself to recognize an instinct in her that wanted so bad to go over and embrace Clarke. She couldn't understand it. After everything, her heart still defied her brain.