Study Buddies// BILLIE EILISH

four

Even though I don't want to deal with heartbreak I can't help but let you continue this. It feels nice and I don't know, but what if you do like me? Could you tell me soon please?

-Cam

I wake up to an obnoxious alarm. It is Tuesday, the day after Billie finally spoke to me. I have to go to school again today and I am actually so nervous. I'm also excited to see Billie though.

I walk out of my room, dragging my feet and see that Bailey is the one still in bed today, so I wake her and go to the bathroom to get dressed. Today I want to wear something nice. I know earlier I said I don't try to dress nice when I go to school, but I also said it was because I had no one to look nice for, but today I do. I want to look good for Billie.

I finish up getting ready and walk out of the bathroom wearing an oversized black playboy bunny hoodie with a short white pleated skirt underneath and a pearl necklace with black tennis shoes and a couple of minimalist rings. I meet the eyes of Bailey who looks me up and down and looks at me with disappointment.

"What?" I ask, trying to pretend nothing is different.

Her face changes from disappointed to nice and says "You look good" as she walks past me to the bathroom.

I reach out my hand and hold her arm, "Thank you for not getting mad at me for liking her." I am sincere. If I had to choose between pursuing Billie and having a supportive sister, that might hurt more than the heartbreak I might face pursuing her in the first place.

"I'll always be here for you, especially after she breaks your heart" She looks at me with a smirk.

"Wow, thanks for the confidence boost" I roll my eyes.

"Anytime" She says with a sarcastic smile as she shuts the bathroom door.

I walk downstairs to have a bowl of cereal for breakfast and rush out the door.

"Bye Mom! Bye Dad!" I shout.

"Bye!" They say in unison.

I am walking to school, getting more and more nervous to see Billie with every step. Writing out my feelings in my diary can help me process them and calm my anxiety, but writing those words last might made me truly acknowledge the feelings I had for Billie, making them even stronger. I don't know why I fall hard and fast, but I do. I have always tried to slow down with my feelings, but it feels impossible for someone like me. I usually just end up getting hurt, but I guess I am used to that by now, and hey, maybe Billie is the exception.

I approach the school, my heart beating faster and faster as I round the corner to see Billie standing and waiting for me. I try to remember that we are not friends and she is probably just there to get the homework I did last night, so I casually walk up to her as she is staring down at her phone.

"Here." I didn't mean for it to come out rude, but it kind of did.

Billie looks up from her phone to meet my eyes and I just look right to the ground. I feel her hand under my chin and I am afraid she will choke me again, but she just brings my chin gently upwards and says "Watch how you talk to me, baby."

She is still holding my face up and peering into my eyes as I get nervous and tic. The worst tic possible for this situation. My chin pushed forwards roughly and my eyes widen. Billie sees it and thinks I am challenging her so she moves her foot behind my knee, making it buckle and I fall the for ground, flat on my back. She lifts her foot to step on my chest so it's hard to breathe and bends down a little bit, "Don't challenge me princess. I will always win" and with a smirk she removes her foot, picks up her books along with the homework I did and walks away, leaving me on the ground with a sore back and pounding head.

Princess. That's a new one.

My school has a block schedule so I only have 4th period with Billie today. I slowly get up and head to my first class of the day, 2nd period Honors Economics. As I am sitting in class I decide to ask Billie about the essay again. I don't want to push myself on her because I know I am just a pawn in her plan, but she said that I should get to know her. As we leave the class for a short break I look around for Billie. I am walking through the halls, confused because she usually stands near me, like all of the time. I finally give up looking and assume I will see her at lunch.

I have to pee, so I book it to the bathroom before the next class starts and I walk in to see Billie applying aquaphor. So that's how her lips always look so soft. CAMERON omg stop crushing on her this isn't healthy. She literally pounded you into the ground this morning.

"You good?" I look up and meet Billie's eyes in the mirror.

"Oh, yeah I just- umm. Ya know, about the essay?" I steer the conversation a little, trying to go back to the responses I planned out during economics.

"What about the essay?" Billie turns her body around to face me, leaning back against the sink and smirks at me.

"When I asked you yesterday about writing it you said I should get to know you. Is there a good time for us to meet up?" I stare down at my hands, awaiting an answer.

"I am free Saturday" I hear from the love potion of a girl standing in front of me.

"Well the essay is actually due Friday you said, so maybe we could do it sooner?" I ask this hesitantly, knowing Billie can get angry at pretty much anything.

"You want to do it sooner?" She takes a step towards me, looking down on my 5' self.

"I-I mean if that's okay because I wouldn't want you to have to t-turn it in late" I stare so intensely down at my shoes I could burn a hole through them.

"Kitten, are you scared?" She asks, taking another step towards me so we are only inches apart.

As I watch her red Jordan 1s step closer to my own feet I stay silent, not sure what to say. Of course I am scared I have a crush on you and not to mention you have the ability to leave me squirming on the bathroom floor in pain.

Billie brings her hand up from her side and lifts my jaw to look into my eyes, "Baby, I'll do what you want, you just have to know what you want, and ask nicely."

I am about to gather up the courage to ask and she leaves. again. Now I am going to have to go find her at lunch.