Study Buddies// BILLIE EILISH

twelve

As my hand grasps the binding of my notebook, I hear someone sit down next to me. Maybe that girl just got up and came back. I sit up and am met with Billie's face, a soft, knowing expression taking over her features.

Billie opens her mouth to speak, but before she can get a word out, the teacher cuts her off.

"Okay, so today we are starting to graph trigonometric functions. Last night's homework was a review on sine, cosine, and tangent, so if you did that, you should feel plenty prepared for class today."

I am obviously prepared, since I did homework for both Billie and I, but I look over to Billie and I doubt she has any clue what is going on.

"Next class, we will have short quiz on the homework, as I need to make sure you all to know that before we really get into the complicated stuff," Ms. Wang continues.

I have been doing less studying lately, partly because my time is taken up doing Billie's homework and researching it for the classes I don't have, and partly because doing Billie's homework has helped me a lot and I don't feel the need to spend much extra time studying.

I hear a quiet "shit," from Peitho over here. She must be realizing that she has to take a quiz on something she has learned nothing about. The teacher keeps talking and begins the lesson. I catch Billie staring a couple of times throughout the class, but I noticed she didn't touch me once. No hand on my thigh, or my knee for that matter.

Ms. Wang addresses the class one last time before we are dismissed, "Okay, before I let you all go, do not forget about the quiz next class which is... Friday. You will need to know how to derive sine, cosine, and tangent of angles in triangles using a method you should have learned last year. Bye all! Happy Hump day!"

God I hate that phrase. hearing "Hump day" coming from a teacher's mouth, or like my parent's or something makes me want to run. away. I pack up my things and I don't even try to leave because I know Billie is going to want to talk. Billie finishes putting her journal away and makes eye contact with me before getting up and walking out of the classroom, me shakily walking behind her. She doesn't even look behind to check if I am following, like she knows just how whipped I am.

We approach Dragon and she stops to turn around, leaning back against the hood of her car.

God she looks so sexy right now.

"I wanted to talk to you about-"

Here we go, here's where she brings up the stunt I pulled today.

"- when all the stuff I gave you earlier is due."

A confused look flashes across my face, then a look of relief.

"Oh- okay" I respond, glancing down at my shoes, then up to her eyes, then immediately back down to my shoes.

"I am gonna write the due dates to each assignment on the top of the paper, so nothing gets mixed up," her face turns mischievous, "and we wouldn't want you to fuck anything up, would we?"

"N-no" I respond, glancing back up to her eyes for a moment. I am working on eye contact.

"Good. We will meet here, every day after school. If you are not here in under 5 minutes, I will find you. Understood?" She looks at me expectantly.

"Understood," I let out, my focus still on the ground.

She shuffles a little bit and then walks over to me, holding out her hand, " Can I?"

My heart skipped twelve beats. She really just asked to hold my hand. Oh my god I am so soft.

I nod and take her hand. She leads me to the passenger seat of her car, her hand every-so-gently entwining with my fingers. It's as if she is holding a priceless piece of art, or fine china. 

I get in the car and by the direction she's going, I assume she's taking me home.

She plays some chill music on the aux and I just stare out the window watching all of the trees and buildings we pass. Also cars. We passed a lot of cars. No, they were not going the other way. We soon turn into my neighborhood and my heart flutters. This bitch really just took me home.

Billie pulls up to my house, not bothering to park or anything, and I get out and turn around to look through the open window, "T-thank you."

"Goodbye, Cameron." She waves her hand, shooing me away. She said my name. My whole name. Somehow that gave me more butterflies than any other pet name she could have chosen.

"Bye," I let out and turn to walk towards my house.

"Oh, and Cameron?" Billie says, leaning towards the window.

"Yeah?"

"I'm not straight."

And with that, she leaves. She drives off in her sexy-ass car.

I walk inside and head straight to my room, not wanting to talk to anyone. I flop down on my bed and immediately roll over to grab my journal out of my backpack. 

Dear Billie, 

Holy fucking shit my heart is beating so fast. Today you were so soft. I don't know what got into you but oh my gawd.

I was such an idiot though. You hugged me from behind and spoke into my ear. I spiraled into a gay panic and ended up yelling "She's Straight!" at the top of my lungs. I am so embarrassed. You could obviously tell I was trying (and failing) at not catching feelings because you barely touched me after that, only holding my hand once. AND YOU ASKED FUCKING PERMISSION BILLIE. 

TO HOLD MY FUCKING HAND

I don't know if that was your way of helping me not catch feelings but I definitely caught MORE feelings from that action. I don't think there is anything you could do to keep me from falling in love with you, sorry not sorry.

ALSO

The way you stood there against Dragon, I got wet. Yeah I said it so what? I got so fucking wet, Billie. You just looked so hot. I didn't even fucking know what it felt like to get wet until you. 

Is this TMI?

Nah, It's my journal.

Okay, I shall continue:

Like, I have liked girls before, but damn Billie. Not like this. I don't even know why people get wet. Like, It is literally just my body saying, "You are hot, let me freak out my brain by leaking a little bit so they have to wonder if it showed through their pants or not."

Don't worry, I looked in the mirror. No wet mark. Phew.

Okay I am done writing, but before I go: YOU AREN'T STRAIGHT?!?!?!?! 

- cam

a/n: 

Peitho is the greek goddess of persuasion and seduction if you didn't already know XD. I am not super into mythology but I thought it would be cute to call her that. I am telling you because I might refer to her as Peitho more than once.

Also, at what point do I turn on the setting that says your story is for mature audiences? Like do I do it at bad words, or mentions of sex? Or do I wait until they actually have sex? I don't know.