Bungou stray dogs: Dazai overdose

Chapter 17

Fukuzawa pov
When I arrived at the hospital, Kunikida and Ranpo were already waiting outside. Their faces said everything. It wasn't good, but it was good. Sounded stupid, but that's how it was. They led me inside and into a different room than before. I questioned it, but once we had arrived, I understood, that it would be much easier to take care of him here.

The form on the bed immediantly caught my sight. Not much difference from before, tubes in nose and mouth, a nebulizer, couple of infusions, this time no blanket as if he was sleeping, his upper body was revealed completely, like it was after the first surgery. I walked up to him and sat down. Ranpo sat down across me and Kunikida went to work for a little while. I feel like he just feels a little left out between us.  I looked at Dazai.

''You're doing a really good job,  you kept your promise once again. Thank god you're so reliable.''  I said
''He really is''
''So how's he doing?''
''Doctor said, he's fine considering. But because of the pills left inside him, he wont wake up. Other than that, his heartbeat is there, uneven and weak, but there. Brainwaves, seem healthy, on the other hand, his brain wasn't damaged, so that doesn't really mean much. He's still not breathing on his own and from the way it looked and feels, he still has fever. That's what worries me the most, because no one is able to explain why''
''I see'' I took Dazais hand and looked at his face, it had big drops o sweat on it and his hair was hanging messy to the side, but it was no longer pain. That was relieve, before his face had constantly had that pain contorted but at the same time pleased look on his face, wich was scary. Or rather it was scary, that we had been so blind. In the end he had made it more than obvious, that he had no particular interest in life.

''I should have taken him more serious'' I said loud to myself
''huh?''
''I remember when he was a child and I visited him, I think you were there as well, it was the first time you came. He asked me, 'What is the point of being alive?', back then I shook it of as one of those weird questions children ask, but he was already 12 back then. And not single time I had seen him act childlike. He had the knowledge and wisdom of an adult and the mental and physical pain of an ex-soldier from war times. So why didn't it bother me back then.''
''I remember that. I was totally confused, why he would ask such a question. I tried to read him and the reason of the question on his behaviour, but I couldn't, he was neither happy, nor sad, angry or seemed traumatized, so I brhushed it off as well. But he sure became interesting to me, so I visited him with you two more times. Every time he would become more and more the definition of the word mystery. You used to talk about him a lot. The other two times I came, because he was unreadable and I wanted to be able to read him. I remember the last time I was there, we went into so called 'his room' and he asked why you would save a useless child and you replied with. No-''
''No one in this world is useless, if you were useless, you wouldn't exist at all. I remember that.''

We sat there for a while, both lost in our thoughts of how every one of us should have seen it coming and prevented it. In the end everyone and nobody had fault at this. But from what his face had showen yesterday, he didn't even want to live. Maybe he started to hear what we said, unrelistic, but it was the only think that could keep me going at the moment. The thought that he had found a reason to live.

My Phone rang and a message appeared. From Atsushi.
'Sir, May Kyouka and I visit Dazai, once you and Ranpo have returned ?'
I sighed, in the end Atsushi and even Kyouka, who had only known him for a couple of mounth, worried about him. I believed Kyouka felt a connection between him and herself, because of the port mafia. Even if the way they joined and especially worked there, were different. Dazai had never had a problem with killing someone, much more, from all I'd heard, he enjoyed it, it happened, that he went straight out nuts, while diong so. He had a killing count over 130. While Kyouka had, despite her kill count of 35, never taken any slightest pleasure out of taking a life.

Still I understood, why she would feel conntected to him.
'Yes of course you are allowed to come' I replied. Then looked up to Ranpo.
''It's time we leave him for himselfs for a while. Atsushi and Kyoouka are gonna come over later.''
He nodded and stood up. He stroke Dazais hand for goodbye and said

''Do me a favor and don't die tonight, I still need to ask you something'' then he turned to me. ''I'm gonna go to he toilet, I'll meet you at the elevator.'' I nodded and he left. I walked up to look him in the face. It wasn't painfully contoreted  but not peaceful either. I wiped his sweat of.
''Kid you're doing good. I'm really proud of you, you know. You're really strong. Do me the favor and just stay right here like this until we come back tomorow.'' I somehow hoped, that he could hear me and would be able to find some good reason in coming back.

Also I had to talk to Mori, in private. Not like last time, I had to know exactly what he did to Dazai. It was more than obvious, that Dazai was trained by him personally. But the way he trained him, not only skills in strategy and fighting. I couldn't imagine, that being a test person, for his strange experiment of creating a poison immune and more pain resitent body, was sepcifically comfortable. On the other side, he seemed to be valuable for Mori, otherwise he wouldn't have trained  him personally.

I lifted my hand from his face and let go of his hand. I turned around, I didn't want to leave, but I had to, there was a lot of work to take care of. He had left us with, not that he was acctually gonna do it. Then I left ther room.

//So, I never know what I'm supposed, to write down here. I personally never read these author notes, so I don't write them often. And from how it seems I'm not the only one who doesn't read them 😂