Bungou stray dogs: Dazai overdose

CHapter 20

Kunikida pov
Three more days went by and there was still no sign of Dazais consciousness returning. I was starting to lose it. I couldn't take seeing him looking like that. The beed with a still, lifeless looking, pale, feverish body. Over the last two weeks the Docotrs had managed to get his fever under controle. His breathing and heartbeat was slowly returning to a more normal level.

I wasn't the only one growing impatient. Fukuzawa, Atsushi, Ranpo and Yosano were visiting more often and you could see it on everyones face, the exhaustion was written all over. No one had gotten a good night sleep lately. And the longer it took the more impatient we grew. We all had our own guilt about this situation, to deal with.

Atsushi pov
We were currently visiting Dazai in the hospital once again. Me, Kunikida and Ranpo. Today it was two weeks ever since the surgery. I visited every second day. Kunikida only rarely left a day out. Ranpo just came every now and then, today we decided to visit together, it was strange seeing, that he still looked so lifeless. tankfully he had been stable for the past two weeks. Dr. Jackson had said, that he should wake up at some point now, but two days ago he had said, that it might take longer. Since he showed no signs and was recovering a lot slower, than expected.

We sat there, Kunikida working at the table across the bed, Ranpo and I were sitting on the chairs next to the bed. Ranpo was holding his hand, he always did when he was here. I guess he was just hopint, that the pressure he put on his hand, like he was giving him the hand to say hello, was gonna be returned.

I just sat there staring at his face. In the end we sat there in silents. No one had anything left to say. Dazais condition hadn't changed much in the last week. His fever was under control and his body stable. Still he wouldn't open his eyes. The agency was basically put on hold, no one could focus. Well no the whole agency, the office workers were still there, as well as Kenji, Jinnichiro and Naomi were always there. They werent that much out of it as the rest of us was, the rest of us still did our work, but slower and it took just a lot longer, than usually. There were barely any operations or outside jobs.

Everytime we were in the office, there was a depressed mood. Dazais cheery comments and energy was missing, but not only that it was missing, no the person who was ussualy responsible for that happy mood, was now in a coma, caused by an overdose. Fukuzawa had become a rather rare guest, he mostly sat in his office or the hospital.

Kyouka and I had visited together often. She told me a lot about the rumors and Stories about Dazai from the mafia. From the way it sounded, Dazai had been a huge psycopath back then, but I refused to believe, that that was him now. I also didn't believe that Dazai was like that back then. Those were just stories, until Chuuya, who visited a couple of times, confirmed every single story.

The people from the mafia didn't visit as often as we did, but all of them, especially Chuuya seemed to have interest in his survival. Mori only came once, Akutagawa aparently came every couple of days. But I never saw him, except Chuuya we rarely saw any of them, they always planed their visits, so that we wouldn't run into them. Chuuya didn't care wether we knew he was there or not.

Kunikidas and Fukuzawas guess was, that they needed him for something. Ranpo stayed pretty silent about the topic.

Ranpo pov
We were now sitting there. No one talked, all we could hear, was Kunikidas pen on a paper and Dazais life support machines. I was holding his hand in the hopes, that some day he might return the gesture. All of us were tired, I could see it in their faces and feel it in my own body. I was growing tired of it. The whole thing, it was exhausting to all of us. But we had no time, to pitty our selves. It wouldn't be fair to him.

Every once in a while Dr. Jackson would come in and change the IV tubes, change the bandages on the surgery wound, check the monitors, take his temperature or inject medicine into his arm. He would sometimes stick around to chat with us. Over the time he knew us by names and would greet us everytime we came. Once I had asked him, why he was so focused on Dazai, that he would stay the night to make sure he lives through it.

He then told us, that a good friend of his had commited suicide. And that he recently lost a patient, to an overdose, infront of relatives and friends. Their heartbroken faces, the mother of the young man had fainted and his sister fallen to her knees in sorrow. That they each blamed themselves for the mans death and  would for their lifes continue to do so. And he couldn't accept, to let another one die on the same reason. Even after he saw all the dmage, that Dazais body and, according to the body the mind as well, had.

He was right. Each one of us blamed ourselves, for one reason or another. Fukuzawa for not saving him when he was a child, Kunikida for not realizing how serious his partner was about the suicide and how desperate he was to die. Atsushi, for never stopping him from his suicide attempts. Yosano for being unable to heal him. THe mafia people, well let's just leave them out right here. And I blamed myself as well, I should have forseen it.

How can I call myself a genius in investigation and prediction, if I can't even see through my friend, if I couldn'T foresee his suicide attempt. In the end everyone of us and no one of was guilty. How could we just let him attmept suicide over and over again, without even asking why.

I clenched Dazais hand harder as I became angry at how useless all of us were.

I froze and shot up.