Paint Me, Professor | Student-Professor Erotic Novel | 18+ | ✔️

79 - "Touch Me"

Christopher
***

"After reading all this, my greatest hope isn't that our relationship goes back to how it used to. I want us to evolve and learn from our mistakes and actions. Before telling you about my past I lived in denial. I looked at myself in the mirror and tried not to see the lonely and naïve sixteen year old girl that I was, but not anymore. I don't want to hide that part of myself because, in the midst of hell, I found a bottomless well of strength. I want you to look at me and not see a fragile, damaged, innocent girl: I want you to see the strength I have in me and not doubt it. I understand this might be difficult for you, which is nothing more than a testament of the care and concern you have for me, but I need you to know this Chris: I will impatiently (albeit respectfully) count the days until you finally realize I'm not a porcelain doll, that you can touch me, that you can surprise me, that you can fantasize about me, that you can tie me down and blindfold me and pinch me and paint me and edge me and make me ask for me. I anticipate you going slower, softer, checking in all the time, asking what I want, and perhaps even holding back. That's okay. I want us to move forward because it feels right, not because you feel pressured. It will take time, I know this, but I will wait for your darkened voice, your strong hands, your heaving chest, your lustful eyes, your lips roaming every inch of my body. I will wait for showers, secret rendezvous at Evergreen, weekend getaways, dates that end in paradise. I will wait for aftercare and hot water bottles, for you to wipe my tears from my cheeks, for you to utter "I will take care of you" and for the day you let me do all these things to you. I will wait for all this because that's what I want, and I want it with no one else but you."

I read and reread the last part of her essay whenever I got the chance. Like a student trying to memorize information for an exam, I read it on lunch breaks, when I got home, before I went to sleep. I read it so many times I had even memorized a few passages.

As each day went by and I had more time to reflect on those words, the more my admiration for Ali grew. I thought I was doing the right thing when I pushed her away, but now I wasn't so sure. She was trying so hard to convince me our relationship wasn't harming her, and I slowly but surely was starting to believe her.

Independently of the arguments in the essay (which on their own were already pretty convincing), the signs were there: now that we were back on good terms, she always smiled at the ground when she walked past me at Evergreen, she was so much happier when she interacted with her friends, she texted me a few times a day just to ask me if I was doing alright. I was hesitant to do the same, but once I saw her beaming face whenever I showed her affection, my hardened heart melted.

She'd come up with the craziest ideas so we could meet during the day. Since Professor Agnes and Kent thought I despised Alison now, we couldn't be seen together under any circumstance. However, even though meeting in random storage units to make-out was incredibly risky, I knew that we both needed this. We had to rebuild our bond, and having strict rules about only seeing each other during the weekend would hinder that very delicate yet vital process.

However, it wasn't all rainbows and sunshine. In those first two weeks after she wrote me the essay, I was plagued with doubt. At night when I was alone, my rational, cynical self would come out and convince me I would do her harm in the long run. I was haunted by the thought that, even though we were rebuilding our relationship, we were building it for nothing. After all, there were only a few months left until the end of the semester. What would happen to us then?

To drown these anxieties, I smoked, painted, and drank. I did all this upstairs where she wouldn't find out. I didn't want her to know I was still feeling like this, and I especially didn't want her to find out about my habits.