All The Small Things

90

[Luca POV]

Dady didn't really need my help, but I still tried to and he thanked me regardless. At least, he didn't need my help until he asked me to put my clothes in a box all by themselves. I needed him to unfold the box for me, but that was it. I could do the rest by myself. I took out my folded clothes in multiples and made sure they stayed folded while setting them in the box. I made sure they all fit right before I started clinging onto Dady when I was bored. He got done soon enough and told me I had to eat dinner. Spade made baked potatoes and I love potatoes. All types, I don't discriminate. Either he or Dady cut mine in half for me already when they made my plate. I told him a thank you before starting to eat at it. It was good, I really liked it, but I didn't feel that happy after eating.

I felt fat and I hate even thinking that word. I just hate the way it sounds when I think it, which is just more of a reason for me to try and stay smaller. It's not like I think it's a bad word or anything, I'm fine when other people say it, but I hate the feeling I get when I think it. However, Jacob went and took a nap after he ate. I think I tire him out a whole lot. So I stood in the bathroom and adjusted my shorts so they sat at my waistline, pulling up my shirt to look at it. I looked from the front and the side, moving between the two angles for a while and then looking at my back. I know I was excited about gaining weight but now I'm hating the way it looks. I guess I looked for too long. Tears filled my eyes and started running down my cheeks so I dropped my shirt and started looking everywhere else. My thighs don't have a gap in between anymore. You can't really see my collarbone and ribs as well as before. My hip bones don't jut out as much.

I sat down on the floor, resting my back on the wall and running my finger over my shin. I wish I could shave, but I guess it's not the biggest deal. I can't grow a mustache so I don't worry about that as much, but still. I wiped off my cheeks and sniffled, trying to ignore all my feelings. But I wasn't very successful. My momma used to call herself fat all the time and talk about that stuff, but she wasn't. Especially when her choice drug was Crack. Maybe that's part of why groceries weren't ever her priority. I truly think she had an eating disorder, and still might. I stood up and flushed the toilet and ran the sink for a couple of seconds so it wasn't blatant I was in here crying. I turned the sink off and walked out, to the bedroom. I don't know how long Jacob's nap was and how long I was in there, but he was awake when I walked in.
"Baby," He whined, reaching for me and making me smile. I kissed his forehead and laid next to him, rubbing my eyes for a second. I just don't want to still look like I'm crying.

"Are you okay? You look upset?" Jacob asked, turning onto his side and brushing my hair out of my face. Fuck.
"Mhm, I'm alright," I said, trying to make sure he thought I was being honest.
"We're you crying?" He quietly asked, cupping my face in his hand. I shook my head a little but I knew he didn't believe me.
"What for?" He asked, making me shrug. I don't think I want to tell him, but at the same time maybe I should've.
"You know, do you wanna tell me?" Jacob continued. I laid there and thought for a second.

[Jacob POV]

I know he was just crying and had tried to put on a brave face.
"I don't like my belly anymore..." He whispered, looking away from my face. I was silent for a second, trying to think of what to say but that was the wrong move. After I was quiet for a second, he started sobbing again.
"Hey hey," I mumbled, sitting up and putting my arms out for him. He quickly climbed into my lap with his head to my chest, his legs wrapped around my waist.
"Oh baby, I'm here," I mumbled starting to rock and rub his back.
"You're so pretty. You're just my little baby, the cutest thing I ever seen," I praised him, my country showing a little bit.
"Dady I hate it!" He cried, pulling away from my chest.
"I know, but I love it. Your belly is easier to kiss that way, yeah?" I suggested, smiling a bit.
"You're the cutest little boy I've ever seen. Ever kissed, ever dated, ever known, or ever talked to," I told him.

He wiped his face in my shoulder and rested the side of his face on it, doing the little post cry hiccups. The ones after a really good cry, if you know what I'm talking about.
"You got the hiccups now?" I asked, turning to look at him. He gently nodded, reaching for my hand. I let him have it and allowed him to chew on my fingers. I yawned and got up to get the remote, still holding my baby.
"You want your teether?" I asked as I picked it up. He shook his head and continued to teeth on me, as content as he could be. I turned on Danny Gonzalez and sat down, his video on a knock-off of Ratatouille because it wad the first to show up other than Sam and Colby. I don't think their videos are a great idea with Luca being little. It's not the cussing, it's the scary part of it. I really doubt Luca would want jump scares and spooky ghosts.

We were only like 5 minutes into the video and was talking about the character build they made for the mice, specifically the girl one.
"Boobies," I heard him giggle. I couldn't help the little laugh that came from me, getting a strange look from him.
"What is it?" I asked, setting him next to me instead of on my lap.
"I like boobies," He told me, dead-faced as if he was just being honest. I didn't doubt it, but I wasn't expecting it unprompted.
"I thought so," I remarked, not thinking twice. For the rest of the video, he didn't comment about what part of anyone's body he liked again.