Loving Angel

•·.·'24'·.·•

When I was very young Mother wasn't as bad. She was never an affectionate person so even then she would never hug me, or get too close to me.

When she starting drinking though, that's when she got really bad.

The first time she beat me up I remembered I asked her why, she said, 'It's love'

I never asked her again why she would beat me, or make me do ugly things. Because it was love.

It was my Mothers love. And I loved my Mother.

But my Mothers definition of love was different then mine.

Mother was a woman of high standards. She didn't care much about her reputation, but when it came to me she wanted me to be perfect.

In looks, and the way I acted. She always hated my eyes, she would say that if only I was born without the mix of my fathers eyes she would love me a little less.

And about my education, she hired a tutor to teach me the basics of math and how to read. After learning these two she fired the woman.

It made me sad, although I only had her as a teacher for a week or two I liked being around her.

She was from the outside, she was different, so cool.

I wanted to be like her. To go outside and meet kids my age. But that was forbidden.

I was only allowed to go to the backyard that was completely fenced. Preventing me from seeing any further.

Except I could. Only to the small abandoned house next to our secluded home.

Through a small hole is where I met Eli and Jacob.

I don't know if it was love that I felt towards them, but I want to think that it was.

Eli (Not my brother) was a few years older then me. She hated her father. He would be mean to her. She would never tell me exactly what he would to her but I could see her face looked like how my legs and back looked.

One day she didn't come to the fence, and I never saw her or her father again.

The same thing happened to Jacob, although he was a runaway and went to Eli's house as a hideout. I remember I was very upset because it was Eli's house and I was still waiting for her to come back.

After getting the chance to talk to him I realized he just needed Eli's house for a bit to survive.

In the few days he was there he would tell me about everything. How he was trying to get away from foster care, and how he was so tired.

With Jacob, I saw how they took him away. I saw him cry and scream. But the people who found him didn't care about how he felt.

What made it worse is that I couldn't do anything to stop it. I couldn't jump the fence as it was too high, I couldn't tell Mother to stop it or she would've killed me.

So I did nothing.

I've always been a coward. I couldn't do anything to stop Eli's father from hurting her or Jacob from being take away because I was afraid. And I couldn't do anything to stop Mother from dying because I was afraid of herself.

In my dreams I cry, and even then I can't do anything to stop.

I will never be able to stand up for myself or others.

This is something i've accepted.

"Young Miss wake up"

My vision is a blur for a second. When I open my eyes to Nanny's face I finally come to my senses.