All The Small Things

113

[Luca POV]
The rest of the night, I just wanted to sleep. I mostly wanted not to think about it, and when I'm sleeping, I can't think about it. So I went to bed really early and laid down until 10 pm, when I couldn't finally fall asleep. But the next morning, I woke up in the same mood, to Jacob holding my hand.
"You looked sad, so I figured holding your hand would make you feel better. Even if you were sleeping," He explained even though I didn't ask. I mean, I was wondering, but I didn't get the chance to ask yet.
"Are you still going to Karmin's birthday thing?" Jacob asked me later, rubbing my back. He leaves for work in a couple of hours, but for now, he's still lying down in bed with me.
"I don't know yet," I mumbled, sitting up and resting against the wall.
"You should, baby. I think you'll have a good time," He reassured me.
"I don't think he'd want me around when I'm not happy," I answered honestly. I'd probably bumm him out, to be honest, and it's his birthday. He deserves not to worry about me.

"If you really think so, I won't push it. I love you, Baby," He whispered, sitting up too and kissing my forehead. I couldn't help it when the tears rolled down my face. I hate when my mom's mad at me, and I don't think she's ever gonna like me again. That's a lot to come to terms with. Jacob held my face in his hands for a second before standing up.
"Come take a shower with me. I don't wanna be lonely in there," He suggested, gently pulling my hand. I sniffled and followed him to the bathroom, undressing myself after he adjusted the water temperature. As he waited, I hugged him and didn't let go. Skin to skin actually feels comforting for some reason.
"Are you gonna stay like this the entire shower?" He asked, laughing. I giggled and nodded in response.

I didn't, actually. As much as I wanted to, I didn't. But, he was baby-ing me in the shower the whole time. So, obviously, I was teetering on big and little after we got out.
"Hold you..." I whined as he got dressed. He looked back at me as he buttoned his pants before telling me I had to be patient. Which, I'm not always the best at. I did try to be, though!
"I've got 13 minutes until I gotta leave," He informed me while tucking in his shirt before checking his phone.
"Hold you!" I exclaimed, with much more energy than last time. He smiled a little and sat down, pulling me into his lap.

When Dady had to go bye-bye, I didn't wanna let him.
"Bye, Lukey," He said, kissing my check and shutting the door behind him. Dady told me to lock it after he left, so he didn't bother to after he shut the door.
"Oliver..." I mumbled, suddenly remembering my new stuffie hasn't been cuddled lately. I hurried back to the bedroom and scooped him up off the bed, hugging him close. Me and him have gotta get to know each other.

In half an hour, I discovered that his favorite color was green,he loves to color, he doesn't like spicy stuff (but neither do I), he loves Dady, and he doesn't like big places. So me and him got a lot in common. Before I could think of anything else to ask, there was a knock at the front door. I shot up and ran as quiet as I could to the front door. I only saw Karmin and his girlfriend, so I opened the door for him.
"Luca! You remember my birthday, right?" Karmin asked, his girlfriend leaning on the wall behind him.
"Mhm," I answered. I'm not good at making conversation when I'm itty bitty, especially when it isn't Dady.
"You're gonna show up, right?" He asked. I didn't want to before, but now it would be mean to say I'm not. So I agreed.
"Then do you wanna go with me and Hadley to get a cake and stuff?" Karmin asked. It's his birthday, so I said okay. I'd want my friend to be happy on my birthday, and I think we're friends.

Hadley apparently is paranoid about sitting in the front seat ever. She told me that if she does and we get in a crash, she's safer to be in the backseat since it's the middle of the car. Her logic isn't wrong, but I personally don't think it would make much of a difference. What if someone hits the side of the car? I didn't ask her that, though. I kept it to myself. So I sat in the front next to Karmin. The music he plays cusses a lot, but I didn't pay attention to it. Just because I'm little doesn't mean he has to change what he does to accommodate me.
"When's your birthday?" Karmin eventually asked me. Why? I don't know.
"May 12th," I automatically answered.
"Damn. So you just turned 21?" He asked, putting an emphasis on 'just'.
"Yeah, a couple of months ago..." I mumbled. It's July 18th right now, and we're celebrating Karmin's birthday the day of. Not like the weekend after or whatever, the 18th just happened to fall on a Saturday.
"I feel so old now," He said, laughing a little. "I'm gonna be 24," When I didn't know how to make any more small talk, he started talking to Hadley instead. Which I didn't mind at all.

We went and got his cake and ice cream so tonight, but I was already upset by the time we got to his apartment.
"Can you go find the keys to the car? I left them in the kitchen somewhere," Karmin asked after patting down his pockets. I didn't want to, but I was in his apartment and not being productive, so I did. I guess I had an attitude about it, though? I don't think I did, but I guess so. That's the second person who's said I was being mean or rude when I didn't think so, so maybe I am just mean.
"Or don't then. My fucking God! I didn't ask you to build a house. Don't blow it out of proportion!" He groaned, going to do it himself.
"I-I'm sorry. I didn't try to -" I tried to explain, but he didn't listen. I don't want him mad at me. I don't like anyone mad at me.
"If you don't want to be here, then leave. I don't need you here," He told me, making my eyes tear up and make me suddenly feel nueasues.
"I-I'm sorry..." I whispered, but he went back to looking. So I silently left and went back upstairs, doing my best not to cry. I wish Dady were here... I wanna be held. I had to find Oliver. I shut the front door and hurried to the couch, scooping him off and holding him close. I fucking hate when someone's mad, and two people are mad at me at the same time for the same type of reason...

My momma was right to be mad at me then. I'm a bad person... Does Dady feel that way? Maybe he hates me, too. I can't tell anymore. I just want him to hug me. Even if he does.