Kiss The Sun

Chapter 7

It had been a week of walking a tightrope, trying to balance my growing, confusing feelings with what I knew I needed to do, which was stay a healthy distance away. We had played 2 more shows, each one just as amazing as the last. We would always go out after and the night would always end in some sort of lingering. Never crossing the line. Never doing too much.

Everyone seemed to silently get the hint about what went down between Cat and I, how I'd walked back inside and tried to keep away from Sam and Jake. No one had seen what happened with Sam except Cat, and even she hadn't mentioned it. I hoped she was too drunk to remember. 

Beth and I were sitting on the couch the morning of our fourth show. Everyone else was asleep, so we were looking through the photos she had just edited.

"Oh my god I look so..." I pushed my face closer to the screen. My head was turned and arm raised like I had just played a crazy riff, my hair swinging and a look of pure joy across my face.

"Cool. You look so cool." Beth said, finishing my sentence. I looked at her and smiled. She flipped through the rest of my pictures until she got to the boy's set. As she went through those, I was overcome by genuine gratefulness for someone as talented as her to be put in my life. 

"Beth, you're insane." I commented as she passed a picture of Danny with his hands in the air, about to slam down into a drum solo, his tongue sticking out. 

"No, I'm just blessed with cool friends and a camera." She said. She never liked to admit how good she was. Part of me wondered if she really even knew how good she was. She paused on a photo from the side stage where Jake and Sam were both leaning back, playing their guitars. I felt her side eye glaring at me.

"What?" I obliged, turning to her.

"Oh nothing. Nothing at all. No longing stares. No lengthy hugs. Nothing at all." She said sarcastically. 

"Okay do we really need to have this conversation miss 'teach me something Josh'?" I deadpanned back at her.

"Hey, mine's all in good fun. Yours seems...serious," she replied.

"It's nothing." I repeated. I said it over and over in my head, trying to force myself to believe it. It's nothing. It has to be nothing. 

As long as it was nothing, I wouldn't have to acknowledge the growing pit I got in my stomach. Or that I couldn't even decide which one of them gave me the pit. Or, even worse, come to grips with the fact that they both do.

"Whatever you say, babe," She replied from next to me. Josh pushed through the small curtain that separates the front of the bus from the bunks. 

"Good morning, Josh," Beth said sweetly, subtly hitting me when I made a face at her.

"Morning, mama," he said sleepily, rubbing his eyes as they adjusted to the light. He poured some hot water from the kettle into a mug with a tea bag. It was only then that I realized Beth had heated the water and never made a cup for herself. 

"We were just admiring your stellar stage presence and amazing body," She replied as he sat down next to her, looking at the picture of him pulled up on the screen. He was smiling at someone on the front row, his eyes squinty and teeth glowing white. 

"Wow, I look great." He said plainly. The door to the tour bus opened and the three of us jerked our heads towards it, Josh standing up, blocking us.

Lilianna walked up the steps, a huge grin on her face.

"Jesus, Lilianna I almost had a heart attack," Josh exclaimed, sitting back down.

"I thought you were asleep?" I asked.