Kiss The Sun

Chapter 16

"What the hell are you doing here, Sam?" Jake said as soon as he saw Sam step out of the van after me. 

"I could ask you the same thing." Sam responded calmly. 

"Why were you in the v..."

"Are you drunk?" I asked as he stepped closer and I heard the slur of his words. 

"No." He chuckled, shook his head, and ran his hand through his long hair. "No." He said again.

"Yes. You are. Now leave." Sam said, pushing his brother away from me. 

Jake pushed him back. "Don't touch me." He slurred. He reached for me. "I need to talk to you, baby, please just let me talk to you."

"No," Sam stepped in between Jake and I. "You're not getting anywhere near her in the state you're in."

"Sam, it's okay." I said, finally. He jerked his head back at me questioningly. "Thank you for...everything. I'll see you soon. But we do need to talk." 

"Don't you at least want to wait until..."

Maybe you were the treasure this whole time.

"No." I knew this was the rawest I would get Jake, no walls or secrets or lies. "I'll find you later. Thank you, Sam." 

He blew out a breath, shaking his head, but walked up past the house and back towards the bus. Jake sat down in the grass. I sat down next to him. He put his hand on my leg. His touch felt wrong with Sam's still lingering, but I didn't move it.

"I'm sorry that I did this." He whispered. I smelled the whiskey on his breath. 

"I am too." I stated. "I wish I could allow myself to understand, but I just don't Jake. I was hesitant to even do this tour, now I just feel like you picked me because I looked easy to manipulate. Now I have to sit and wonder," My voice cracked as the tears spilled. "I have to wonder if any of it was real at all." 

He turned to me and took my face in his hands. My leg was cold immediately. I felt the pit in my stomach growing at each new touch. "I promise, Brooklyn, it didn't stay a game for long. Please, you have to believe that." 

I looked into the deep brown of his eyes. I tried to understand, tried to believe him. Maybe he did love me, but why not tell me himself about the "game"? It was only then that I knew the answer. I would've been devastated no matter who told me.

And I started to understand him.

Maybe you were the treasure this whole time.

I tried to remember when things felt different. I couldn't place a certain time, but there had been a shift. Everything had been so physical, but I knew that it had changed. It had become love somewhere in the tangle of breath and sheets. And now I wasn't sure if bringing Sam into my life that way was the right move. If I could go back, would it be Sam's body I took to my bed, or would I let it be here, let it be Jake? Something new versus something familiar. 

And he must've read all of that on my face in the midst of my silence, because then he was kissing me. 

But the whiskey on his tongue, the rush of his hands...this wasn't how I wanted it to happen.

I pulled back.

"Jake, I..."

"Shit, I'm sorry I just thought I..."

"Hey," I put my hand on his cheek. "It's okay. It's okay, Jake. I'm not repulsed by you. At all. I just need...time. I can understand why you hid it after things changed. I can even almost understand the 'challenge' you set up for yourself. Truly, I can. But I can't just jump back in and act like it didn't happen."