Kiss The Sun

Chapter 30

Cat's POV

My anger burned for days. It poured out of me like steam and anyone in my way was just tracks under my feet. I barely moved from bed and when I did, I got violently drunk. 

Nothing took the feeling in my chest. The pure anger, the confusion, the pit. 

Too soon, the anger subsided into sadness. Numbness, even. It invaded and took over, begging to pull me under. After four absent days, it was so bad that I went to find Jake. I hadn't looked at myself in the mirror, but I forced myself to get half ready. I threw on a large button down and some shorts, slipping on my cowboy boots and tying my hair up in a ponytail.

I went to find Jake. I didn't even know what I wanted from him or what he could possibly do to get the image of him kissing Lilianna out of my head. Still, all I wanted to do was talk to him. And I hated myself for it.

He had said he was going to get a coffee while the others went off the breakfast. There was another show tonight and, as I walked to the nearest coffee shop, I promised myself I would get up, get ready, and go support Brooklyn, even if it meant dealing with Lilianna and Jake. 

The coffee shop smelled like roasting beans and it reminded me of the place back home we used to all go to together. The place we went the day we met the boys. I had no idea then what would be in store for us. 

I scanned the room and landed on him. His head was down and he had a pair of headphones in. He was sat in the corner in a large gray armchair, a coffee in his hand and a book in his lap. With his head down and his ears covered, I took a second to just admire him.

His long hair sat perfectly right past his shoulders, the yellow linen shirt, obviously barely buttoned, showing off his tanned chest. I felt tears spill down my cheeks before I even knew they were there. Like he sensed it, he looked up and met my eyes. My heart wrecked inside my chest at the sight of him, reminding me how much I felt for him.

Making the betrayal sting again and again. 

He stood and set his book down in his seat, pulling the wired headphones out of his ears and laying them with the book. I stood frozen, just watching him. He took a tentative step towards me. I was still a foot away. Inch by inch, he slowly closed the gap, holding contact with my eyes. When he was right in front of me, he stopped before he touched me. Reaching up, his hands gently wiped the tear off of my left cheek, then the one on my right. 

Then he put his hand back down by his side. 

"Cat." He said, softly.

I couldn't find the words to say. I couldn't think. All I could do was look at him, take in his beauty. 

But looking at him didn't fix what he had broken. It didn't change what I had seen. 

I took a step back.

"Cat, please," he pleaded. "Please, listen." I didn't move again. He took that as the assurance I wasn't sure I was giving him. "Can we go outside? You don't have to talk, I just need you to listen."

I nodded and followed him out. We found a bench and sat down in the shade. 

"Cat, you didn't see what you thought you saw. I was in that bar drinking alone for a while when Lilianna came in. She was upset, didn't really want to talk about it. We both got insanely drunk and danced. That's it. We danced and I dipped her and that's when you came in. We never kissed, we never have."

I wanted to believe what he was saying more than anything. What had I really seen? They weren't kissing when I came in. They were close, so I assumed they were. But dancing would force them to be that close. 

Could he be telling the truth? 

"I promise you, Cat. Everything I said to you the other night, I mean it. Please, don't let that fake darkness turn real. I saw through it and I don't ever want it to be where I can't. Please, baby." 

His words broke something in me. He gently wiped my tears again. He was right. I didn't want to turn into what I had been faking. And hadn't he really changed? Did I not owe him the acknowledgment of all the works he had done?

I always saw you. I still see you. I never want to stop seeing you for the rest of my life.

Remembering his words sent chills down my spine. The memory burned in my chest.

"I believe you." I nodded. Emotion spread all over his face. His beautiful face. And I truly did believe him. He had done the hard thing to prove he was serious. 

He had seen me. He still did.

And I kissed him to prove it. To prove that I saw him too. Saw that he was being honest, saw that he truly did want me.

He kissed me back and reminded me why the other night had felt so magical. 

He pulled back after a second, breathless, "I wrote something for you." He whispered before diving back in.

"Hm?" I asked against his lips. 

"I wrote a song. For you." 

He reached for the book he had been reading, opening to the page he was on. His bookmark was a folded up piece of notebook paper, which he handed over to me. 

I looked at him questioningly and he nodded for me to open it. When I did, His small familiar handwriting took over the page. I was so overwhelmed by it all that I didn't even read it at first, just took in the thought of him writing a song for me. 

When I finally went to read it, I noticed the date at the top as the night before we had talked and kissed. He had probably wanted to give it to me then, but I had stormed out. 

But I had it now. Next to the date were two words, I assumed the title of the song. I blushed at his perfect handwriting, his beautiful hands crafting something just for me. I reread the title over and over before starting on the lyrics.

Always There