Kiss The Sun

Chapter 28

Lilianna's POV

As soon as the boys finished their set, Danny embraced me and kissed me like he always did. Night after night, I was always impressed with Danny's sheer talent and beauty. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. 

"Let's go on a date." He whispered in my ear. "Just the two of us."

I felt my blush appear as I nodded at him. "I'd love to. I've just got to grab my backpack. I was working on emails before the show."

"Okay baby. I'm gonna change, I'll meet you by the bus." He kissed my cheek and walked towards his dressing room. 

I didn't move until he was out of my sight. I couldn't help it. My eyes were glued to him no matter where we were. 

I turned the corner and found the room where I had left my bag.

When I opened the door, I found Jake and Cat. Kissing. 

"Oh my god," I said in shock. They shot away from each other. In Cat's eyes, I saw pure bliss. In Jake's, a touch of fear. "I just," I started, but couldn't finish. I pointed at my backpack in the corner.

"Lilianna, I can..." Jake started, but I held up my hand to cut him off.

"I'm just grabbing my bag," I replied, walking over and picking it up. "I'm not trying to interrupt or get caught up in any of this."

After I shut the door behind me, I stood stunned in the hallway. I thought Jake had been better. I thought he had taken all this time to work on himself and his priorities. Obviously not, if he was getting caught up with Cat, the epitome of chaos. They could be perfect, but the way she had been acting seemed to show it wasn't the right time. Jake must not have gotten that vibe. Or he didn't care. I suppressed my rage. It really wasn't my business and shouldn't have bothered me like it did. 

And then it crept in, in the stillness and aloneness of the hallway, like it always did. The thoughts I had never shared out loud.

That day in the bar, just me and Jake. We had been so close to kissing, until Cat walked in. We were both very stressed and very drunk, but it had happened nonetheless. Was that the case with Jake and Cat? Was I just convenient at the time, or was there something there?

Danny. I loved him. That was never in doubt, never in question. He was everything to me. I had been thinking of him even then, in that moment. I didn't want Jake, I didn't wish I was with him. That wasn't the desire at all.

But it would be nice to think we shared something because of who we are, not because it's just what he does.

The guilt could have shoved me to the floor. 

But I did what I always do. What I'm best at. I pushed aside any negative thoughts, and also the ones of Jake's hands on me, his face so close to mine. I shook my head as if I was actually shaking them off. I took a deep breath. And I walked out to Danny, pretending nothing that just happened, had happened at all. 

Danny was already outside waiting. When he smiled at me, I felt a twinge in my gut. I ignored it and smiled back. He suggested a restaurant down the street and we walked there, hand in hand. He stood on the outside of the sidewalk, even when we switched sides. Anytime someone walked past, he let go of my hand and wrapped his arm around my waist, holding me close to him. With each step we took further from the venue, I began forgetting my spiral more and more. I allowed myself to let loose. We shared a bottle of wine and ordered fancy steaks. We laughed and he held my hand across the dinner table. He always reminded me of why I fell in love with him in the first place. 

I didn't think about Jake or Cat for the rest of the night. 

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Cat's POV

As Lilianna grabbed her bag, Jake and I looked at each other in awkwardness, but still grinning like children. I just wanted to get back to being alone. He kept his grip on my back tight. She was almost out of the room, shutting the door...

Wait.

The door was shut, but I backed away from him.

"Oh my god," I murmured to myself.

"What? What's wrong? I don't care that we got caught."

My eyes were still on the closed door. Tears were threatening to pour again, but not for the same reason they were just minutes before. 

"Oh my god," I whispered again. It all began to click as soon as I saw the back of her head as she walked away. 

That day I had searched everywhere for Jake. When I walked in on him drunkenly dancing with a random girl. It looked like they had been kissing, but I never saw her face.

Only the back of her head.

She wasn't random at all. I was sure of only that. 

Finally, I turned to look at him. He read something in my face.

"You," I said, barely squeaking it out. "You're a LIAR." I quickly found my voice.

"Cat, what are you talking about? You're scaring me." He tried to fill the space between us, but I backed up again.

"Lilianna." 

"What? Cat I don't care that she walked in here!"

"Is this a game to you, Jake?"

"What? No! Why would...Cat what is happening?" There was genuine confusion and pain on his face. I didn't care. 

"In the bar. You were with Lilianna when I walked in. You were with her."

His face changed in an instant. His mouth opened, closed, and then opened again as he stepped towards me. "No, no, no, Cat, no. Well, yes, but..."

"Oh my god you're unbelievable!" I threw my hands in front of me to block him from stepping any closer. "And to think I thought..." I choked on my own words as my tears overflowed onto my cheeks. I thought I may have actually felt my heart break inside my chest. "I thought this was real to you, Jake." 

"Cat, please let me explain, it's not what you think." His voice was shaking, trying to stay calm.

"I don't want to hear anything about it. I don't want to hear anything from you at all, actually. You're sick. This isn't FUNNY! First Brooklyn, then Lilianna, now me? Is Beth next? Or is your brother's territory off limits? Danny's obviously isn't!" I scoffed at him. "You think you can run around with your looks and your charm and just do whatever the hell you want, don't you? Well, do it! But leave me out! Leave me and my emotions out of it, Jake."

I didn't let him answer, just stormed out of the room. I walked straight onto the bus and locked myself in the bathroom. He followed me in, banging on the door, begging me to let him explain.

I turned on the shower so the water would drown out his voice. I didn't want to hear it.

So I sat down on the bathroom floor and cried until the banging stopped and the door closed.

And then I went to bed.