His Niqabi Girl (Book 2)

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HIS NIQABI GIRL

Asaad.

I woke her up the next morning, so we could pray Fajr. She seemed a little.... shy. I on the other hand could not decipher the emotions I felt.
Actually, I was more likely scared about how I felt.

Once we were done praying Fajr, I got ready for work and left immediately while she was still in the shower.
I was terrified of how I felt. I couldn't let myself feel this way, this was too vulnerable.

My thoughts wandered to the previous night, It was too perfect, she was too perfect and now, I found myself feeling more than I ever thought I could towards anyone.

I had to admit that I always liked her. I liked her right from the first moment my eyes landed on her, the first time we locked eyes. Her shy, reserved personality, she was also smart, and the way she prioritised her deen over anything. I always admired how she spoke softly, her beautiful green eyes, and how strong headed she was.
However, my feelings for her were never something I wasn't capable of controlling. Now however, I found myself growing more vulnerable, feeling stronger, wanting her, desiring her.
And this wasn't good.

I sat in my car, unable to drive.
I ran my hand through my hair.

El, you're driving me crazy.

I had to find a way to stop feeling this way. This was not healthy for work, or for me. I couldn't sit and watch her consume my thoughts like this.
I needed to smoke, I needed to clear my thoughts. But I noticed she acted off whenever she knew I smoked, and I was really trying to stay off it. I didn't want her feeling uncomfortable around me, I had to make her feel safe around me.

Smoking was something I had battled quitting for years. I took alcohol once in a while as well, but it was never an issue of addiction. However, I couldn't deny the fact that I couldn't bring myself to quit smoking. It started when I had lost mother, and I couldn't stop ever since then. Smoking wasn't something I was proud of, my religion was strongly against any form of intoxication. I was ashamed, but the closer I got to Elham, the more I wanted to quit, to be more responsible.

She has such an effect on me.

The last time I chose to stay away from her, I ended up staying longer than planned. I kept my distance for five good years. And now, I found myself resorting to that solution once more.

Obviously, I couldn't avoid her for five years now since we were married. However, I needed to keep my distance from her. I couldn't afford to let myself get too attached to her.

My phone buzzed, it was a business call. I answered and spoke for about five minutes before the other person hung up. I noticed that I had a new message from El.

'Hey, are we good? You left hastily' was what the text read. Were my actions so easy to read? Yet I thought I had tried so hard to act normal so she wouldn't suspect a thing.

'Of course. I just have some work to take care of' I texted her back.

"Ughh" I groaned, placing my face on my palms.

I didn't want to get attached to Elham . I had grown to have a fear of attachment since my mother. I became so broken. My mother was my best friend, I had a very close relationship with her unlike my father. And when she was gone, I became a disaster. But I was now getting better, doing better and I couldn't afford to let myself grow so attached to someone once more.

Why did I agree to marry her anyways?

I wasn't good for her. I was messed up. Maybe I was selfish, too selfish. And now it was too late, we were already married. And I couldn't run away from her...