All The Small Things

177

[Luca POV]

I still wasn't feeling much better after a couple of weeks. I'd stopped crying constantly and was just feeling shitty on and off. So I'd go an hour or two and then feel awful for a couple of hours. And then that would repeat. So, Spade was supposed to come over to see me again while Jacob worked.

I don't know why, but I was really scared about being alone with Spade. And I can't stress enough how much it WASN'T because of ANYTHING he did. It was entirely just because of the idea of me being home alone with a man who wasn't Jacob. And even though I knew Spade wasn't gonna do that, I couldn't calm myself down. So when Jacob came into the bedroon to say bye, I just started sobbing.
"Shhh. Baby, c'mere," He mumbled, sitting down and letting me climb into his lap. "What's wrong?" He cooed at me, rubbing my back.
"Dady!" I cried, trying to wipe my eyes. After a little while of him calming me down, he asked me again what I was crying about.

"No leave," I begged, trying to keep breathing normally.
"Baby, Daddy has to work. I'll be back tomorrow morning," He tried to reassure me, making me shake my head.
"Use your words for me. Tell me how you feel," He softly encouraged me.
"Scary," I whispered, making him nod.
"I'm sure it scary, baby. Do you remember when we stayed at his house and I went to work?" He asked, making me nod a little.
"You were alone with him. And nothing happened," He tried to reassure me. I tried to find the words to explain how that didn't make me feel any better. I didn't know for sure that wasn't a way for Spade to manipulate me into trusting him. I love Spade so, so much. And I know he's a great guy. But I also thought Kayden was a great guy, too. So there's just a lot of doubt I have about if I misjudged Spade as well.

"No..." I whined, suddenly feeling sick to my stomach. It wasn't where I felt like I was gonna vomit, but more like just a bad feeling. I knew it was just cause I was anxious, but it still hurt.
"Dady," I cried, wrapping my arms around my stomach. I don't know why, but Daddy got mad.
"Luca, you know him! He wouldn't do that. I don't get why you don't wanna be around him," He exclaimed, groaning. "Fine. Go get your shoes on, then!" I stood up and went to go grab them, still holding my stomach. I couldn't figure out how to tie them, but I felt scared to ask Daddy to do it. So I just tried to do it myself. But I messed it up.
"Luca, why would you do that?" He asked, annoyed with me. I just tried to keep myself from freaking out while he tried to fix them.
"I don't know how you managed to fuck them up this bad," He commented, working at untying the laces. I couldn't stop myself from bursting into tears.
"M sorry!" I yelled, rubbing my face.

[Jacob POV]

I woke up, still stressed from the other day. I tried to keep Luca out of it. I really did. But I got annoyed because he really didn't want to see Spade. It's sorta hard for me to understand the way his brain is working right now. I know that the rape made him scared of men in general. I just couldn't manage to wrap my head around the fact that even though he knew Spade and was starting to date him, he was also scared of him. I was trying to understand, but I hadn't fully grasped that yet. So, I got a little frustrated. Which, I can admit, is entirely my fault. I didn't even realize I was being mean until he screamed at me that he was sorry.

I stopped trying to fix his laces for a second as I felt an immense feeling of guilt wash over me.
"Luca..." I whispered, looking up at his face. He was sobbing. His body was shaking. He had his hands over his ears and was trying to breathe.

I tried to comfort him and apologize, but he was distant. I accepted that it was my fault. And on the ride to the fire house, he just got quiet. He was entirely quiet, even when two cars almost collided in front of us. So when we got to the station and he still wasn't talking, I wasn't exactly surprised.
"Hi, Luca," Shane greeted him, smiling.
"Hi...," He whispered, barely audible. I could instantly see the confusion and concern in my chiefs face as I clocked in. Luca waited next to me for a couple of seconds before walking to the bathrooms without another word. I told myself I'd give him a couple of minutes before checking on him.
"What did you do?" Shane asked. If I weren't concerned about how upset Luca was, I would've laughed at the fact that he assumed I fucked up. But to his credit, I did.
"Our friend was supposed to come over and stay with Luca today. But it started a disagreement, and I got a little loud. And now he's not really talking," I briefly explained.

"You apologize?" Shane asked, standing up and walking over to me. I briefly nodded as I punched in the last 4 digits of my social security number.
"Yeah. I didn't even realize I got loud, but I apologized once I figured that out. But he's still upset," I answered.
"You could try flowers? That's what I get my wife when I fuck up," He offered.
"I'll try it," I mumbled before he said he had to go work on scheduling and wished me good luck. I met in the common room to say hi to the guys on shift for a couple of minutes before I started to get worried. We were in the middle of a game of cards when I decided to go make sure my fiance was okay. I quickly played before standing up and making my venture to he bathrooms. Our firehouse had the bathrooms with stalls, so I walked in and hoped Luca wasn't in one. He wasn't. He was leaning against the sink, rubbing his left arm. Instantly, my mind panicked.

"Luca," I said, shutting the door and making him jump. He locked eyes with me before visibly relaxing and rubbing his eyes with his right hand, his left one resting against his side. I couldn't see if he was hurt.
"Baby, let me see," I firmly said, stepping closer to him. He flipped his arm over and let me hold it, palm up. A wave of relief crashed over me when I saw it was just scars.
"I'm not stupid. I wouldn't do that at your work," He mumbled.
"I know you're not supid, Baby. I just worry about you. I gotta make sure you're okay," I said, quickly reading his face before glancing down as his shoes.
"I didn't tie 'em much better than you did," I said, smiling a little. I saw him crack a smile, making me feel a hell of a lot better.

Luca spent my whole shift with me. Meaning, he was there overnight. I'm so glad that my cheif approved him wearing PJs here because he wouldn't have laid down to sleep in jeans. The way the sleeping area works is its just a bunch of bunk beds in a row against both walls. I let Luca lay with me in the same bed after I warned him he was gonna get woken up when I went on a call. One one ride, my partner told me about it.
"He's such a light sleeper. I'm not kidding. The hall light flickers, and he's up. 'Least he's quiet, though. We had a kid who was 'bout 20, and all he did was talk," He commented as he turned down the suburban street.
"Yeah. He's quiet almost all the time. When he wakes up, though, half the time he knees me in the stomach," I mumbled, making the older man laugh as we started looking for the house the call was about.

When the shift was over, Luca was a little whiney. He was sleepy, and I expected that. But what I didn't expect was how sassy he was.
"Bye, Luca," Shane called as we left. He waved and followed me to the parking lot.
"You need help up?" I asked after opening the truck door.
"I do it!" He whined at me.
"Alright. You got it," I agreed, backing up so he could climb in on his own.
"You hungry?" I asked after I got in on the driver's side.
"Yeah..." He mumbled, chewing on his fingers in place of his teether. "

"Dady, 'm sleepy..." He whined as soon as I stepped foot into the apartment. It was almost 4:30 a.m., and I knew Luca was about to crash. Hard
"Go get in bed, Baby," I softly guided him.
"Dady, come," He demanded, pulling on my arm.
"Okay, okay," I agreed, locking the front door and setting all my stuff in the middle of my table.
"Are you a little cranky?" I asked as I changed into sweatpants.
"No!" He quickly told me, pouting.
"If you say so," I mumbled, tying my draw strings before taking his shoes off.

"Hold me," He whined after 10 minutes of laying down. But I was already holding him.
"Baby, I am," I pointed out. "Do you need Daddy to hold you closer?" Luca nodded, so I pulled him against my chest and kissed his head before he finally fell asleep. I didn't take much longer to do the same.