Flicker | ✔️

Chapter 66: Gigi

I walk back home, the leaves falling as the wind blows gently. I stand there, remembering how Maya would often accompany me on these adventures to discover new areas in this part of town. I look up towards the little hill and make a quick decision to climb up like we once did.

It all started when I randomly tagged her and made her it. She then proceeded to run after me after a little convincing and I found myself up that little hill in the process of escaping her. We were muddy since that day was raining but everything was so fun and time seemed endless. Afterwards we discovered this little spot behind a rock which gives a great view and when we wanted to talk we would reunite there.

I skim the jagged edges of the rock with my fingers and I instantly feel all the memories all over again. The way she looked at me with such admiration and love and yet, it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough love for her to want to kiss me, or enlace our fingers like we were lovers. No. But just enough for her to love me as a bestfriend.

I sit there and picture her smiling face and as an impulse, my eyes water, until they form streams that never seem to end and I sob in my corner, breaking at every curve of my beating heart. My eyes felt heavy with endless tears and I couldn't find refuge or comfort in the memories. No, I was the type of person who needed something substantial, something real to hold on.

In the middle of my quiet sobs, I hear the heavy footsteps of someone coming my way. Immediately, I wipe away my tears and straighten up my face, before standing up, ready to leave.

"Gigi?"

My whole body stiffens at the sound of my name. The scary thought is I recognize his voice perfectly, and I know he'll see through my thin facade.

I turn around, giving him a smile.

"Hey! Carter! What are you doing here?" I continue, trying to uphold my brave face.

"Gigi! Are you okay?! You look like you've been crying buckets!"

My smile diminishes as soon as his words reach me.

"What do you mean?" I try just a little longer, hoping to draw him away.

"Gigi, you can't fool me. You should know that by now." He comes closer and I take a step back. "Gigi..."

"What? I'm completely fine!" I say, a new smile carved on my face, faker than the previous one.

He gets even closer and this time I don't move away. His face lies just above mine, looking down into my eyes and I feel my body get chills as I look up at his green eyes. He softly holds my shoulders before making his way up to my neck, pushing away the hair in the way. I feel my body grow hot even though it's not specifically cold and although I want to turn away, I don't. His hand then traces itself up to my cheek and then it happens.

His lips crash against mine in a desperate way. They move against mine and now I can't hold back. I can't hold back on the pain and strain and frustration and lust. I just can't. I devour his lips as hungrily as he does mine. He grabs hold of my butt and squeezes it, sending another chill up my spine.

After a few breathless kisses, we separate to let ourselves breathe in and out properly.

"My house?" He asks, taking hold of my hand. And I nod in response.

Do you even want to? A voice in my head questions but I push it away. The growing desire for touch and affection made me forget any other source of reason and Carter was enough to make me swoon for him.

What are you? The voice questioned.

I don't know.

As we make ourselves comfortable in his room, his hand goes below my shirt and mine goes below his. He rids himself of it quickly and takes mine off quickly too. In the midst of all that, our clothes are lost in the tempest of rough kisses. He goes down to suck at my neck, lacing his fingers in my hair as I breathe heavily with satisfaction.

Yes. Satisfaction.

All the things I lacked because of unrequited love.

His hand finally goes down there and some part of me wants to end it now, but the most part of me can't risk stopping because of the warm feeling it's giving me.

Finally we go all the way and I feel different, special, appreciated in a way that I wasn't around Maya, in a way she never could for me.

After all, she didn't like girls.

As I got home that night, I could still feel the lingering feeling Carter had left behind, the marks on my neck to prove it was all real. I could still feel his fingers tracing my body and our bodies connected although he was long gone by now. And at that moment, it all felt right.

Am I lesbian?

After all, I do love Maya and I have liked other girls before her. But on the other hand, I've also liked guys.

This is all so confusing.

I don't even know who I am anymore.

I'm no one. Just a soul adrift, unaware of its talents and its worth as it goes in search for a box that qualifies everything it is. But there is no box to tick for me. All the others are taken or already crossed out.

Well then.

Maybe I'm just Gigi.

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Hey guys!

What are your views on that scene with Gigi and Carter? I purposely didn't go into too much detail but tell me your thoughts. Should I attempt it or keep it PG-13?

Otherwise, what are your thoughts so far on Flicker?

qotd: Where do you live?
aotd: Hong Kong