Guarded ✔️

Chapter 23

We were all sitting in the gardens.  Me, Maddon, Kellan, mother, and father.

I know, surprising.

Mother and I were embroidering flowers on pillows and Kellan and father were talking about the party yesterday.  An actual, civilized conversation.

Even more surprising.

The day was growing hotter by the minute, and it was past the point of being comfortable.

Heat and I did not mix well.

I began fanning myself with my pillow, abandoning the project completely.

On the bright side, I was finally feeling like myself again.  After seeing everyone so happy at the party yesterday, my usual dry humor was back.  I felt like I could breathe again.

As the day grew on, we stayed outside, enjoying the beautiful weather.

"I need to change," I announced as the sun was beginning to set.  

"Meet us for dinner in the dining room," my father called and I smiled to myself as I turned.  Maddon and I walked back to my room, where my maids were waiting.

"Good evening," I chirped as they handed me a new dress. I changed quickly and they left.

"We're alone," I said, looking over at Maddon.

"So we are," he said and stood up, walking over to me.

I turned around so he was the one facing me, and I had my palms on the wall.  I was in control.

I kissed his neck, similar to how he had done a while ago.  I heard him take in a breath at my actions, making me smile against his skin.

I took a break, resting my forehead on his.  Our eyes never left each others.

I slowly leaned in, going for his lips.  As soon as he noticed what I was doing, he pulled back, shaking his head.  I suppressed a frustrated groan.

"What do you want Maddon?" I asked, running a hand through my hair.

"What do you mean?"

"What do you want with us?  You're all touchy one minute and then refuse to get near me the next.  Do you want to be with me or not?  What do you want?"

"I want you," he said, his eyes darkening as he stalked over to me.  "I want you, and it absolutely kills me that I can't have you."

"But you can.  You can have me, just not in public," I said.

"If I can't have you all the time, I can't kiss you," he said.

Why the heck not?  What was his problem?  Did he really love me or was he just pretending because I was a princess?

"I can't kiss you because once I start, I'm afraid I won't be able to control myself," he whispered.

"Then don't.  Don't control yourself," I said, biting my lip because I knew it drove him crazy.

"Jesus, Braelynn, stop.  I can't do this," he said and walked away from me.

I huffed and walked out of the room to the dining hall.

I don't know why I denied him loving me, one look at him and I knew he did.  He was trying to control himself for my benefit.  But if it really was for my benefit, he would just kiss me.  And I mean really kiss me.  On the lips.

I reached the dining hall, sinking down in my chair and smiling at my family all sitting there.

I glanced up at Maddon while I was eating.  He was staring at me with such longing that I knew I was wrong.

I should appreciate what I had with Maddon. It was special.  He was a great guy, perfect actually, and I was going to take anything he would give me.

If I wanted to be with him eventually, we would have to start somewhere.  And I think where we are right now is a pretty good place to start.

I smiled at him and he smiled back.  I knew everything was well between us again.

~*~ 

Sorry it's so short and a filler. It's super late and I have work in the morning.

What song always makes you cry?

Mine is Sign of the Times by Harry Styles.  Someone I used to know listened to this song on repeat the day they committed suicide.  It has very meaningful lyrics if you listen, and mean a lot to me.