Raised wild

Chapter 27

I started by walking quickly away from the room and when I turned the corner, I started running as fast as I could. What was wrong with me? That man played with my feelings, he must have because how could he ever like a savage like me? It was his own words, the disgust he had felt for me the first time he'd met me couldn't have disappeared.

I was crazy to even want anything to do with him. His father had been horrible with my friend and he still protected him, he would always be influenced by what his father wanted. That scene I had witnessed when he tried to convince his father to not kill me replayed in my head, how he had to deal with him gently. He had to turn everything into something that pleased his father.

And those things he said during training were so horrible, he must have thought it through, thinking what he was saying. A tear slid down my cheek, everything I was would never be enough no matter what. That he felt something for me or that he just played with my feelings didn't matter because I was no match to his lifestyle, to his expectations. After only a few weeks here, I already knew that much.

I felt so dumb to think he'd want anything to do with me. Such a fool to have let him play with me like that. He must have seen my expectant eyes - and when I leaned towards him - he must have had a laugh by kissing my forehead instead. He was so disgusted he wouldn't even kiss me.

As I slowed down near my door, Wayne caught sight of me and got rid of his helmet.

''What's going on?'' He asked as he wiped away a tear.

''I'm just being childish,'' I told him because I couldn't tell him the whole story since moments ago, he was promising me a date as soon as I'd get out of here. So how could I explain to him my mixed feelings? Those feelings I didn't even know I had towards the Prince before wanting so much to kiss him.

''Hey, did you get-?'' Lacy stopped talking as she took in our proximity. ''Right, I'll leave you two.'' She whispered.

''Wait, it's not what you think.'' I tried but she closed the door before I could explain anything.

''Are you alright?'' Wayne asked, ignoring the fact Lacy had just seen us very close without his helmet.

I looked up into his blue eyes, ''I guess. My head is spinning.''

He gave me a lopsided smile, ''The effects of alcohol.''

''I think I should go sleep it off.'' I excused myself, feeling guilt choking me slowly.

''I'll be here if you need anything.'' He said although he hesitantly stepped to the side to let me pass. 

Once I got in my room, Beth was sleeping and Lacy was gathering her stuff quickly.

''Don't you want to sleep here?'' I wondered awkwardly. She threw me a weird look and she walked towards the door.

''I'll be better in my things. Anyway, if you feel like going back to your guard during the night, nothing will stop you.''

''It wasn't like that,'' I repeated.

She stopped and stared at me in disbelief, ''I get that you can fall for someone else in this castle, we don't spend all of our time alone and we connect with others. But if you choose to love someone else than the Prince, please leave and don't play with the Prince's heart. There are people here who really care about him.'' She did not look angry towards me, simply disappointed and that made it all so much worse.

As the night dragged on, I couldn't find sleep so I lighted up a candlestick and carefully took out the Queen's diary. I made sure Elizabeth never woke up and flipped through the pages, back to where I had left off.