Artificial Love || Minho

60 || Avoidance

Sometimes,

I always wonder,

Whether or not I really deserve anything.

Stopping in my tracks, my hands slowly reach up to my chest. My breathing was heavy, footsteps becoming sluggish; a sharp pain inflicting my lungs as I wipe away a last stray tear.

I take a glance down to my hand, vision still slightly blurry. A slight sheen coated my finger, showing how much I've been trying to scrub my tears away.

My arms drop to my side, and slowly, I reach into the pocket of my hoodie. Blindly scrolling through my contacts list as I pulled out my phone, I stop at the certain name I was looking for, and press dial.

The sound of ringing emitted, and I bring the device up to my ear.

"Minah?" The line clicks, and I hear a voice from the other side answer. My eyes brimmed again with tears, and I drop my head, lowering my gaze to the ground.

...Please,

Please don't say that name.

Not with what I just went through.

"J-Jisung-" My footsteps dragged my along the pavement, shaky voice prominent as it laced through with my sobs. "I-I, I couldn't do it."

His voice was confused. "What do you mean? Min, are you okay?"

"No..." I squeak, feeling more tears come up. For the first time, I was glad to be down a dark street by myself.

"You don't understand yet, Sung. I messed up."

"I ran away again."

*~*

"Tell me where you are. I'll come with a cup if hot chocolate to pick you up."

Those were the last words I heard before the line hung up, a quick beep signalling the end of the dial.

I sniff as I curl my legs up to my chest along a street bench, arms coming around as if trying to hold the last of what I had together. My legs felt tired, my throat was sore, and my eyes were all red and puffy from crying again.

Part of me doesn't even know what I was doing here; as I just wanted to go home, apologise to my mom, and bury myself in Minho's arms, saying that I loved him back.

I wish I never yelled at anyone. Why couldn't I just face my consequences?

Thing's like this have never happened before. Growing up, it was either always one or the other- hold back and stay silent, or, on the rare chance that I do slip, I apologise immediately and regret it afterwards. It was all about pushing my feelings away.

I've been aware and told that that way wasn't a good way to live. That one day, I'll probably break.

But, I've reduced so many burdens this way, so many things that would have made people worried if I spoke up. I've just, always been content with this; this nature of how to act, a buildup of all the years of it gradually growing onto me.

I've always been satisfied, until apparently now.

If I were to count all the times I've accidentally spoken up, done things out of instinct, or irrationally blurted out my feelings over the past few months- It would be more than what I had ever done over my whole lifetime.

It feels like everyday, with each step I take, the comprehension of my rational side is drifting farther and farther away from me.

Rational Hwamin wouldn't have yelled at her mom, rational Hwamin wouldn't have ever raised her voice at anyone, rational Hwamin wouldn't have chased after Lee know that day.

Rational Hwamin wouldn't have decided to fall in love.

...

Maybe, it had been better if we didn't meet?

If you stayed as Lee know, and I stayed as me?

I stifle another sniff from my nose, another tickle coming from my eyes. I wanted to cry again.

That is, until I hear sudden footsteps approach, a light voice then sounding from right in front of me.

"...Hwamin?"

It didn't sound like Jisung.

I look up from where my head was cradled from my legs. My eyes widen, an unexpected face greeting my view.

"Hyunjin?" The words escaped my lips softly, coming about quieter than I realised.

_______________________

Hello everyone :,) how's life for y'all :,0

I'm currently writing this while a dentist, so I'm closing my screen whenever people walk by- just because o-o

Sorry if this update is a little short, I'm trying really hard to get back into writing :p I think lately everything has been a bit stressful lately, 2020 really is drawing the life out of me ahahaha :,)

Don't worry though, everything is fine^^ the ending of AL is probably also coming near, but when I finish them honestly is still a huge mystery lol

I'm opening an Q & A chapter soon though, as I'm going to be collecting questions for a special spin off bonus at the very end o.o

Hopefully people comment, cause I'm really hoping this won't flop ㅠㅠ

Anyways, I'm going to end it here before my author's notes ends up longer than the actual chapter lmao

I hope you all have a nice day, don't forget to drink lots of H20 daily^^