THE JOCK JUST WANTS THE NERD [2]

49

||JAKCSON||

When we finished up, I was stuffed pretty good. Ethan paid the tab as he mentioned. I didn't bother to object, thinking it would just upset him, but I made sure to thank him with gratitude. He smiles . Liam wanted to chat along for a moment before we make our leave. Same old Liam; our favorite shining ray of dumbass. Nice to know he's still in good spirits. We say our goodbyes as I led Ethan back to my car. It's dark out now, and peacefully enough I could hear some cricket chirps in the nearby grass. The low mumble of my car sounds as I drive off to drop Ethan at his place. But while we are on our way, I've decided and plan to tell him stuff; this caused a heavy feeling bubbling in my stomach.

Halfway through the ride has passed and I've been internally nagging myself to tell him. Overthinking got the best of me. These created scenarios to play in my head of how my confession could change everything between us. I swallowed hard as I snuck a quick glance at him. A breathtaking sigh escapes my mouth at the sight of him.  The city's bright lamp posts along with the moon's light cast enough for me to see his face. He looks so calm and peaceful. I gave thought to what Brad had texted me yesterday. I just hope that I played my cards right tonight; took him to watch something, and had a lovely dinner.

Gripping the wheel hard, hoping that my luck goes my way.

-

Parked just outside his apartment, Ethan starts unbuckling his belt and unlocks the door. Before he gets the chance to do anything else, I quickly blurted out, "w-wait..." He turns to me, stunned. My hands were beginning to sweat as I sort out the words in my head, "umm... Ethan."

He looks at me fixedly, "what?"

Exhaling a staggered breath, trying my absolute best to admit my emotions. Meeting his eyes, I opened my mouth, "there's something I-I need to tell you..."

He lets go of his strap and positions himself to face me fully, "go on..."

I have to, I have to tell him how I feel, can't back down now. Just do it!

"I'm gay," my expression held both anxiety but also seriousness, meaning what I said. Ethan's head lowered slightly with a frown. He stays quiet for a moment.

"A-and, I like you."

...

He evades my gaze, almost as if he doesn't want to look at me. I noticed that his hand contracted and tightened. "E-Ethan?" I murmured, reaching out to grasp his. I pulled him closer to me, "Please, say something."

"I..." he whispers.

Waiting, the air thickens at a rate with the anticipation. Why is he hesitant? Ethan's mouth wobbles and his brows furrowed inwards with worry. My heart beating faster and my lungs holding everything in.

"Yes, I've known for a long time now," he says lowly.

"Known?"

"It's not that hard to realize how different you act towards me and everybody else. Heck, even Carla had a hunch..." Ethan looks just as shaky as I am, the corners of his lips lowered.

"So, you knew all this time that I have feelings for you?" I was somewhat relieved, but he didn't seem happy about it. What's going on?

"T-this... is what I've been so afraid of..."

I stared at him. Afraid? "Ethan, wha-"

The sudden voice of his father's rang out. We both faced around to see his Dad stepping down the stairs of the building and approaching us from the sidewalk, "ah, there you are," he sighs.

Ethan gently gives me a quick embrace before extending out the door. All I did was freeze, confused as I watch him slip out, "goodbye Jackson, see you next time," he murmurs before shutting. Their faint muffled conversation sounded through the window. His Dad gives a wave before walking alongside back to their home. Now, I am but alone in my car. Glaring at my hand in which he left cold. I placed my palm on my mouth and sighed.

What was that?

Did I do the wrong thing?

-

I got myself back to the college dorms, 9:34 at night. Headlights dimmed as I got off. Mustering with the remaining energy left, my legs trudged across the hard ground, forwards to my room in the empty halls. Turning the knob, it creeks open revealing Damian sat on the desk reading a particular notebook. But what panicked me was that it wasn't just any regular book, it was my makeshift journal. Damian, with the face of someone who have unveiled a kept secret, slowly peered at me with lips shut. I stared at him, wide-eyed with pressure. He stammers, "I-I was looking for paper to do some school work and-"

"Did you read all of it..."

Taken back, Damian didn't leer, nor respond immediately. We stood in place as if statues. The room was mute you could listen to the fridge's hushed noise. Then, I took a step forward to him, "did you read."

His eyes steadied at mine before lowered, "yes."

"So, what do you think of it then huh?..

...what do you think of me..."