THE JOCK JUST WANTS THE NERD [2]

21

||JACKSON||

I stopped us by a convenient store and we both got in. It was nice to see that it was completely empty other than the bored worker by the counter. The ambiance of the soft speaker playing chill music in the background was calming. We both walked around together and I stood in front of a hotdog display and felt my mouth water. Turning to Ethan who stood beside me, I asked, "would you like one?" I asked him.

He shook his head, "Nah, I'm fine, though I'm gonna find me some ice cream," he smiles before walking away to the freezer section. Looking back at the sausages, I took a plastic-wrapped bun that was beside the machine and held the tongs to take one out. After putting both together, I went through the condiments and drizzled it on my food. Seeing that Ethan came back with a small cup of ice cream, we went to the counter and paid our snacks, or in this case, dinner for me. We exited the doors of this place and saw that there was a bench at the side. We thought of settling down together and ate while the store's lighting illuminated us through the windows along with the street posts. "Man, I'm starving," I said hungrily, taking in the delicious meat into my mouth. It felt and tasted so good to have a bite, I was so focused on applying for a place to work and hanging out with Ethan that I neglected my stomach and forgot about my hunger. As we ate, I thought of using this time to get to know more about Ethan. Might as well take the chance to interact as much as I can, "so, had a great time?" I said.

"Yep, sure did. I didn't even know there were karaoke bars around here," he nodded, "tell me, what have you been doing in college? How are you liking it so far?"

"It's pretty nice actually, Oh! I also manage to find a job as well," I grinned proudly.

His face remains unexpressive for a while before he shook his head as if snapping out of a trance, "oh, that's nice!" He beams. We kept going and going while we ate. I realized that I was so invested in him that I lost focus on my own food, I wasn't even halfway done yet. Gosh, this boy can make me forget about anything else. "I was wondering, do you have any other friends there?" He asks.

Blinking, I wasn't putting lots of thought, "well, not much really, there's Kenny, who you obviously know already. I guess, there's this one guy who's name is Kyle, who is also friends with Kenny actually..." I rubbed my chin pondering, I was now becoming aware of the fact that I don't have that many friends.

"What about your roommate, do you have one?" Ethan said with a tilt of his head.

I fell silent in total awkwardness. D-do I consider him as a friend? Rubbing the back of my neck, I was unsure, "well, my roommate is... Damian," I murmured.

"Wait, Damian?" Ethan gasped in surprise, "isn't he the guy that called Noah a..." he didn't finish his sentence, but I knew what would come after, so I nodded. He frowns and looked at his now empty cup of ice cream, "what's it like?" He says.

"Erm, surprisingly, he doesn't seem to be acting like a douche, from what I've seen at least. The entire time since I first found out about him being my roommate, he's normal, I guess," I took another bite out of my hotdog.

"I see..." Ethan murmurs.

-

After we got ready and finished our treats, we threw away the waste into a nearby trash can and got back in the car. Whilst driving, I continued to keep talking with him as I drove back to his apartment building. Stopping, I said to him, "it's this place, right?" I asked reassuringly as I gazed around our location.

"Sure is," Ethan nodded as he was taking off his seatbelt. I looked at him sadly as he opens the door. He turns around and spoke, "hey Jackson..."

"Y-yeah?" I said. Once again, my heart was racing to the max. There was a momentary pause as if he was thinking of something to say.

"Thank you... for letting me hang out with you," he smiles softly before stepping out.

I don't know what I expected, I don't know why I felt a little bit disappointed. I watched him get off and I felt my throat tighten as I pursed my lips together.

Say something.

"Ethan."

He stops before closing it. He looks at me, "yeah?"

I froze, and I didn't know my next actions nor words. I swallowed nervously and felt my hands shaking. We stared at each other in silence under the dark with only a little bit of light from my car shining our faces.

"Umm... h-have a good night."

Ethan blinks before smiling again, "thanks, you too," he says before he now shuts it fully. As I see him walk up the stairs of the building and disappearing inside. Once I knew I was alone, I cursed at myself in frustration. What the fuck am I doing? I grasped my hair and laid my forehead on the wheel of my car. I heaved a few annoyed breathes as I tried to calm myself.

Damn it...

-

As I got back to my dorm with a tired look and a limp body, I saw that Damian had already fallen asleep on his bed. Sighing, I trudged myself to my own mattress and collapsed. It felt like I wasn't satisfied, I wanted more, I wanted to keep being with him. As I was into deep thought, I was thinking back then last year.

We were at a fair, Brad and Noah were off together and I was grouped up with the others. Zack, Liam, and Taylor were together on one table while I was sat down with James, Annabel, Kate, Felix, and Ethan. I thought it would be nice to talk with them, though, I was kind of nervous to join in with them. Everyone else was having a conversation and at some point, I noticed that Annabel appeared to be a little bit gloomy. "What's wrong?" I asked her.

"Oh, it's nothing," she tried to stray away from what was bothering her.

"You're sad," I frowned.

She remained silent for a moment before breathing out, "its just that, things at the moment are just... making me feel so down."

"Like what?"

"Like... umm..." she was hesitant, "imagine seeing someone you like, being with someone else, that kind of stuff," she held herself into a hug.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I murmured empathetically. I wasn't the best at comforting, but I wanted to look like I cared at least.

"Whenever I feel like this, I write it down on a journal or a diary you know? To pour out my emotions and thoughts on something if I don't have somebody to talk about it, ironically, I'm telling these things to you right now," she laughs awkwardly.

I stared at her for a moment.

A diary or a journal huh?...

Remembering the specific part of memory, staring into the ceiling, I turned to my side to check in Damien. Making sure that he surely was out cold, I walked over to my bag and opened it up, pulling out an unused notebook and a pen. Going back to my bed and opening up the page, I took a deep breath in, and  began writing.

"I...

I like him...

But there's just so much shit going on that I don't know if I can bring myself to be with him...

...So I'm writing down all of this in my journal to pour all my thoughts out...

Because I just need to express these feelings out somehow..."

-Jackson