mind, body, and soul | lee felix

seven

It's been four days since I've seen Felix. Not that I've been counting or anything. It's just a thought I have every morning I wake up. He's become a part of my daily routine. 

I find myself thinking about his freckles when I brush my teeth. When I'm eating, I feel like I can hear a whisper of his deep voice in my ear. I was standing, washing the dishes, when I swear I felt his breath on the back of my neck.

Felix takes up almost every thought I have. When will I see him again? Can I make myself fall in love with him? What happened last time that made him leave so suddenly?

I shake my head and put on a pair of shoes, deciding to go for a walk. Maybe I should touch some grass, I think to myself. Maybe then Felix will stop haunting me.

When I'm under the sky, I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a second. I feel more relaxed already. I start walking down the street without any designation in mind. 

I walk aimlessly for about thirty minutes before deciding to turn back and go home. I'm only a few moments into the walk back when I get a prickly feeling, as if someone is watching me. I turn around to see no one. Furrowing my eyebrows, I quicken my pace and look over my shoulder again. There's still no one there.

I walk quickly, the feeling of being watched never dissipating. I finally approach my apartment building and let myself breathe in relief. I reach for the door handle when someone wraps an arm around my shoulder. I tense when I hear the familiar husky voice.

"Don't freak out," Felix whispers in my ear. "But just follow me, okay?" He guides me away from my apartment and back onto the street. I turn to ask Felix what's going on, but he glances at me and shakes his head slightly.

"Not right now," he says. Raising his voice slightly, he continues talking. "So, babe, how are you feeling today? No cramps or anything, right?" I give Felix a look. Babe? He widens his eyes, practically begging me to go along with him.

"Sure," I say cautiously. "I'm okay right now. It was pretty bad this morning, but I wanted to go for a walk to feel better." Felix nods and pulls me closer into his side as we walk slowly.

"That's smart," he says. He's still talking louder than normally. Does he know something I don't? "I was worried last night, when you seemed so in pain. But I'm happy you're feeling better." 

Felix straightens and pulls his hat further down on his head. His eyes are mostly concealed; I'm surprised he can still see where he's going. He brings me to the end of the block, where he makes us sit on the bench. 

Felix pulls me into a hug. Too surprised to do anything but let him hug me, I stay still.

"Just pretend for a while longer. I'll explain in a second." He leans away and gently ruffles my hair, a smile growing on his face. Not a minute later, I hear footsteps from behind me.

I turn to see a man standing a few feet away, an innocent smile on his face. He's got a hat similar to Felix's, but he's not wearing his. Rather, it's in his hands.

"Felix!" He says, waving. "Hey, brother! Didn't think you'd be out today!" Sighing softly, Felix gets up and goes over to the man.

"Hey, Jisung." he says, almost resigned as Jisung pulls him into a hug. I watch, a little unsure of what to do when Jisung sees me.

"Hey," he says, leaving Felix to come over to me. He sticks out his hand, inviting me to shake it. "I'm Jisung, Felix's brother." I reach out to shake hands, but Felix stops me. He intertwines his fingers with mine, not letting me touch Jisung. 

Jisung shoots Felix an annoyed look before glancing back at me. I'm dazzled by his smile and his eyes; he practically radiates happiness.

"Hi," I say, smiling back at Jisung. Felix tugs me up, off of the bench. 

"Well, we gotta go. She's not feeling very good today." Felix says, sort of rudely. Jisung pouts a little, sticking out his lips. I want to laugh; he might be the most adorable person I've ever seen, like a human puppy.

"Fine," Jisung whines, puffing out his cheeks. "I do want to see you later, though. I haven't seen you in a while!" Felix nods and pulls me away, leaving me to wave at Jisung as we walk away.

Once we're a good distance away, Felix turns and looks at me. He removes his hand from mine and folds his arms over his chest, giving me a disapproving look. His tongue is in his cheek and he's clenching his jaw a little. 

"Look," he says, his voice deepening even more with his anger. "I know you don't know him, but you should stay away, yeah? He's not going to help you. Jisung seems great right now, but stay away." I stare at Felix, so many questions circling in my brain. I'm not sure which to ask, but the one overwhelming emotion is anger. How dare he tell me what to do? After not seeing me for days, after telling me to "fall in love with him"?

I walk up to Felix, trying not to be intimidated. 

"What if I don't?" I stare at Felix, not moving an inch. "What if I want to be friends with your brother? Why would that bother you?

Felix clenches his jaw even tighter and looks down at me. 

"Because he can't have what's mine."