mind, body, and soul | lee felix

twenty two

I follow Felix across the lot, rubbing my arms anxiously. Jisung will be okay; he has to be. Christopher wouldn't have really hurt him. Right? 

When we reach the buildings, Felix leans against one of the walls and gently puts Jisung down, rubbing his face with his hands. He stares at Jisung, his concern clearly visible. I go up to Felix, running a hand down his back.

Felix arches into my touch slightly, closing his eyes and letting me reassure him with my touch. Coming closer, I wrap my arms around him and rest my cheek against his back, kissing him softly before closing my eyes and listening to him breathing.

"Are you okay?" Felix asks, placing his hands on mine. He brings me closer, making my arms tighter around his waist. I bite my lip, trying not to cry.

His brother is unconscious, he was just told that he has less than two days with the girl he loves, and he is asking me if I'm alright?

I nod silently, letting a tear slip out. I don't think I deserve him. At all.

Felix turns around without making me pull away. Tucking a finger under my chin, he lifts my face up and frowns sadly when he sees my tears. He swipes his thumb across my cheek, wiping them away. Felix leans his forehead against mine, closing his eyes tiredly.

"I didn't mean for this to go like this. I wanted to show you what I love. Make you happy with what makes me happy. I'm sorry." Felix whispers. "I am so sorry."

I tilt my head up a little, brushing his lips with mine. I don't know what to say to make him feel better. Is it his fault? His worst crime is loving me, and yet he still holds on. 

"Seriously," I hear from behind Felix. "I could be dead, and all you can think about it each other? I really lucked out in the brother department."

I stare at Jisung as he groggily sits up, wincing as he rotates his shoulders. He seems fine, but is he?

Felix holds a hand out to Jisung, almost high on relief. Jisung smiles weakly at Felix before taking his hand gratefully. He leans on Felix carefully, not stable yet. He tries to laugh it off, but Jisung looks horrible.

Finally, Felix says what I'm thinking.

"What the hell did Christopher do to you?" Jisung stumbles, Felix barely quick enough to keep him upright. Leaning against the wall, Jisung is breathing heavily. Surely he's not so winded by trying to get up.

"I was leaving your building, and he cornered me," Jisung says, catching his breath. "And then I wake up here. I'm sure he took me to prove a point. You know how he is; always trying to show how he's one step ahead of everyone else."

Felix nods, absorbed in his thoughts. There's a moment of silence that I don't know how to fill; luckily, Jisung does it for me.

"So, what happened, then? While I was out?" Felix shakes himself out of his mind and turns to Jisung. 

"Chris just tried to convince me to give up early. Said a bunch of stuff I don't really want to repeat. If I know anything, he's definitely following in his dad's footsteps." I jerk in surprise.

"You've met the devil?" I ask incredulously. "Are you for real?"

Jisung laughs suddenly, a grin spreading on his face. "You know," he says. "You are the only person I know that would focus on that. Any other person would be asking about the time deadline or what your future is going to be. But, of course, you want to know if we've met the devil." He chuckles, shaking his head. "Only you."

I smile at him; even though Jisung's been acting weird the past few days, I'm starting to like him. And I think the feeling might be mutual. 

I feel Felix rub my back gently as he comes closer to me.

"We've met the devil," he says playfully, putting his head down on my shoulder. "And he lives up to his reputation."

"You've met his wife too, right?" I say, remembering our first conversation. Felix laughs loudly, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me to his chest.

"Yeah, I have. She's even worse." Jisung nods, agreeing with Felix. He shudders, bringing his arms around himself.

"Yeah, she's horrible. If I never see her again, that will be too soon." Jisung makes a disgusted face as he talks, making it very clear his hatred for her. I wonder what she did to get this reputation.

"Does he have horns?" I ask softly, not wanting Jisung to make fun of my curiosity again. Luckily, Felix heard me. Leaning down, he hums and nudges my neck a little, pecking my cheek.

"Not that I've seen," Felix murmurs. "But he can modify his appearance like us. So he might, but I wouldn't know." I nod, leaning into his warmth. I let Felix rub my arms gently.

"Are you cold, angel?" I nod again, letting my exhaustion wash over me. We didn't sleep much last night, and today's been eventful, to say the least.

Jisung watches us from a few feet away, a wistful expression on his face. A part of me wants to ask what he's thinking, but I know that would be an invasion of privacy. I just wish I knew what he's yearning for.

"Do you think I'll fall in love in time?" I ask bluntly. I don't think I'll be able to hide my fears from Felix any longer. "What if I can't do it?"

Felix turns me around to face him, his expression sincere. Staring up at him, I'm mesmerized by his appearance. Everything makes sense, from the constellations of freckles lining his cheekbones to the gold flecks in his eyes.

"If you can't do it, you can't do it. You can't force love, angel. I know that." Felix traces the outline of my jaw with his finger carefully, like I'm made from glass. "I don't want you to feel pressured or stressed. It's completely up to you."

"I wanted to give you a few days of happiness. Stress-free, no strings attached, just because I love you, happiness. What you feel later is what you feel. I can't blame you for anything."

I stare at Felix, who is being completely honest. He means every word he is saying; I can hear it in his tone and see it in his eyes. 

God, I want to love him so badly.